It’s been so long since I’ve been here, I’ve been through so much in the last few years. I had to see when I last wrote and it’s been since August last year. Anyway, in the last year since Covid, things have been crazy, and one strange update. First, let’s discuss job hunting. As I previously mentioned back in 2016 I returned to school to become a drug counselor. I had a lot of problems (including being discriminated against) but finished in October 2018. While still in school, I pursued an online teaching certificate and completed the requirements in December 2019. In the meantime, I passed the state exam for the CADC in September 2019. Right after I did so, I was offered several jobs and was on track to finally work a full-time job but then along came Covid. Once that came, my interviewing has been poor, but the good thing is most of my interviews have been online so that’s been great. I am now fully vaccinated and have been since April so I feel better going out. I hear things are getting better in treatment centers so hopefully, that will be on an upswing.

I promised a strange twist and here it is. Many years ago I used to mention a man who someone coined “Fred A Stare” because he would sit and stare at me and would then giggle. It was the weirdest thing ever because I truly had no idea what he was doing. He would stare and do things like walk into walls. He told people he liked me but then never did anything. He then started drinking heavily, and for a few years, we didn’t speak as much. Plus with me being in school and sick for 6 months in 2017 I didn’t have time to talk much. He moved away in December 2019 around the time I was finishing up school and I thought that was the end of that. Nope, in fact, we’ve been texting and phoning more than we have in a long time. He is working and in recovery and doing better. He wants me to move to where he is and has been showing me jobs as drug counselors around him within a 20 miles radius. I am considering it not just because of him but I want a fresh start, especially if I find jobs. I started sending resumes to near where he lives to see what I find. The result? I have been getting calls and I am going to visit “Fred” (not his name) in July to see what I want to do. I personally am so sick of it here. I ran again as a library trustee and have been having issues with a group of moms in town who resent that someone without kids is a library trustee. I’m waiting to see what happens but am not happy about the interviews I get and this might be a chance to spread my wings. I still apply near me as well and even in other parts of the state (I have to work in this state for 2 years before I can go to another state apparently).

Plumbing.

Well it’s a New Year—2021, and so I am giving an update on my life. To begin with, I had to buy a new handle for my outside-faucet. The plumber supplied it, and the price was $72 for a basic plastic knob to turn on the water. My original faucet-handle was stolen, and so I was forced to pay this amount. I could not just use a standard faucet handle because, well—it’s a specialty product, I suppose. I can’t imagine it cost more than two dollars to make, and so the company that makes it made a good profit on me—thanks to the creepy neighbor who stole my faucet handle. The plumber had to come and service some two-other-things, and so I divided the plumbing-service-call by three. One of those other things was that the plumber had to replace a part inside the faucet because it had been damaged by the painter—who came out to power-wash the house. The amount that the power-washing cost will have the amount of plumbing-service-call, and the replacement part for the faucet-interior-part, subtracted from the total power-washing bill. I should note that the power-washing needs to be redone because it was not done properly. UGH! I also had a new ‘flapper’ installed in the toilet in the main-bathroom, but the problem may be that the fill-valve is sticking. I will have to monitor the situation. The kitchen faucet is dripping, but I will have to order the parts. The plumber wrote down the parts-numbers on the bill. He will come back, minus the trip-charge, to install them.

“Thanksgiving”, “Christmas“, And “NewYear’s Day“.

I FaceTimed My sister and brother-in-law and nephew for Thanksgiving. For Christmas they came to my house, but on Wednesday, 12/23/2020. This was because of poor weather predicted for Friday, 12/25/2020. It was again my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew who celebrated Christmas with me. We had roast beef, and mashed potatoes— but no Yorkshire puddings because my sister forgot to pack ‘the mix‘ before they came up. On Friday they made the Yorkshire puddings, and they turned out well. I was able to FaceTime them to observe this as a factual event. Last years Yorkshire puddings did not turn out so well! LOL! :-)! I also FaceTimed them on New Year’s Day. They had ‘Pork, and Sauerkraut‘. It, like all of the food they cook—looked delicious. My nephew was spending New Year’s with a friend, and so missed out on what was a very-delicious New Year’s Day meal. I wish I could have had some of that meal. :-)!

“Covid-19“.

My nephew had recovered from “Covid-19” before he came up for our Christmas dinner. But, his sense of taste-and-smell are only at the 50% -level according to him. I am glad he is as healthy as he is, but I do hope he is able to recover his sense of taste-and-smell to 100%.

“Apple”.

I use an Apple iPad. My sister got it for me so that I could have a newer version of the iPad. My previous iPad, that my sister paid for, had 64 GB of memory. This one has 32. The problem is 58% of that 32 GB is taken up by the operating-system (iOS). This is ridiculous! My general view is that when it comes to operating systems they should take-up no more than 30% of the total-memory, of any respective device. If I look at this operating-system-me,overy-usage, then that means that “Apple” should only sell any respective “Apple” device with at least 64 GB of memory on it. Needless to say, I am now going to probably buy a different type of smart-phone—when I finally get one—then an “Apple” smart-phone. This isn’t the only problem I have with “Apple”. I went to upgrade my software at the “Apple Store”, and I found that there was also a problem with how long it would take to download the software-upgrade. It would take four hours. I would have to sit in the mall for four hours! Please! This is nuts! Fortunately for me, my “Apple iPad“ had not downloaded enough of the operating-system-update that it would cause me a problem if I stopped downloading it, then-and-there. So that is what I did. I just stopped downloading it. I did order an external-drive to store my photographs on, while I was at the Apple store. It took a few days to get here, and now I’m finally going to download my photographs, and sundry—from my iPad. I was rather upset to find out, while I was at the “Apple Store“, that I could not delete photos from the “iCloud”. They are there—Forever! I do not know what to think about this ‘rule’ that “Apple” has made concerning the “iCloud”.

My Health.

I have scheduled my hemorrhoid -surgery for Monday, 03/01/2021. I will try to have the same person who drove-and-accompanied me to my colonoscopy appointment, to also take me to my Hemorrhoid-surgery. I am also having my generic-Synthroid dosage lowered. I will see if it has a negative-effect on my daily-functioning. I was supposed to have lowered it sooner, but I forgot. I should note that I have memory problems. So now my endocrinologist is probably having a heart-attack, because she believes my TSH-Level is really low in spite of taking a lower-dosage of generic-Synthroid. I have to tell her that I have not taken a lower-dosage. This is in order to stop her from, well, freaking out. I wish I had a better memory.

My Lawn-mowing Person.

I’m going to have to find a new person to mow my lawn. A friend of my late-mother’s has a person who may be able to mow my lawn. I hope so. First, my lawn-mowing person didn’t send me two-invoices (via-email) so I could keep track of how many times he had mowed my lawn. This is because I always pay in advance for about six lawn-mowings. Well, I still owe him $60.00, but I emailed him and said that unless he emails me the two-invoices he will not get the $60.00 I owe him. If there’s one thing I don’t like it is ‘sloppiness‘. Especially sloppiness in billing. It doesn’t take a genius to do good-billing, but in spite of that it does seem that very many people in my area do not have the talent to do proper billing. I think we have, as a society, become very sloppy. I would say that’s the big problem with America today. I should note, near the end of the season I had to have his people come back and mow areas that they chose not to do. This was in spite of the fact that they’ve been mowing the lawn all summer long. As I said, I have to just get a new lawn-mowing person to mow my yard.

‘Dude’, and ‘IAM’.

I often wonder what happened to ‘Dude’, and “It’s All Madness”. I wonder, is there any way someone could contact them? I would love to hear what they have been up to.

A special thank-you, to you “Brooklyn Guy”, for having this ‘blog’. “Happy New Year” to you, “New Wave Princess”, and anyone else who reads this! :-)!

I read this article, and I have to agree with it. Our world has become completely-unrealistic when informing people what is achievable in their respective lives.

In Defense of Being Average

I just read this blog-post, and found it very-thought-provoking.

What do all of you think about it?

The rule seems simple enough: stay at least six feet away from other people.

But nothing is ever as easy as it seems:

• I thought social distancing applies only to people who aren’t members of your own household.  If my life had turned out differently, and I had six children who still lived with me, my wife, my kids, and I could all go out together.  As it stands, I go out for a walk with my wife pretty much every afternoon, walking hand in hand as often as not.  Am I doing something wrong?
• I’m still not clear as to whether ‘six feet’ means six feet on center (what you’d get if drew lines on the sidewalk six feet apart and had people stand on them) or six feet extremity to extremity.  The graphic (above) that’s appeared in my apartment building suggests that it’s six feet on center, but walking down the street, it’s easier to assess extremity to extremity (is any part of another person closer than six feet to me?).
• If you’re on the sidewalk in motion, and someone approaches in the opposite direction, what do you do?  I will try to maneuver to keep as much space as practical, slowing down or speeding up if a stretch of sidewalk is particularly narrow.  But it seems excessive to cross into the street to avoid a momentary violation of the six-foot threshold.  It seems really excessive to stick out a tape measure and poke others in the ribs.

I’m asking having seen videos of the horrors of ‘people in public spaces not social distancing’ which typically show people in a park, walking and enjoying a sunny day, for the most part keeping reasonable distances, with some couples or small groups staying together.  Are the people who photograph and post these videos genuinely concerned for the public health, or resentful that somewhere, somehow, people might be enjoying themselves?

And what about couples who aren’t married and aren’t living together?  The executive order states, ‘Non-essential gatherings of individuals of any size for any reason (e.g. parties, celebrations or other social events) are canceled or postponed at this time,’ which would seem to include dates.  But who is Uncle Andy to stand in the path of true love?

In another time, I wouldn’t give rules like this a second thought.  But in another time, we wouldn’t have rules like this at all.

Dr. Bob, years ago, said that ‘rules are made for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.’  I’ll take the rules in that spirit.  I’ll endeavor to keep my distance, but won’t yell at people for violating my Sacred Bubble.  I’ll wait for the next elevator (or maybe take the stairs) but won’t wait for the next subway train.  And I had a girlfriend but not a wife, I would be more than happy to go on a date (such as one can with the restaurants and theatres closed) with said girlfriend, Uncle Andy’s admonitions notwithstanding.

I’ll get the stupid stuff out of the way first:

• No, you can’t get the virus from drinking Mexican beer.  But it’s OK to ask that question, once: stranger things have happened.
• I’ve heard so much about the coronavirus that I’m sick of it, in and of itself, so I’ve started to call it the Dos Equis virus.
• When we have a Pacífico virus, then I’ll start worrying.
• ‘Covid-19’ is a stupid name:
  • When I first heard it, I thought of ‘Product 19,’ a Kellogg’s breakfast cereal with a full day’s vitamins in one serving.  We had it in my house when I was a kid: it was a dreary part of dreary school mornings.
  • ‘Covid’ sounds like a brand of motor oil: ‘Covid-19 keeps your engine clean.’

And the less-stupid stuff:

• I remember the Hong Kong flu and the Sydney flu, so I really can’t get upset with someone calling this year’s disease the ‘Wuhan flu’ or ‘China flu.’
• When the virus started making the news, my wife said she didn’t want to go to Chinatown for dim sum, formerly one of our favorite weekend lunches.  I tried to talk her into going, but I didn’t really feel like dim sum either.  It isn’t racism, just the power of an unpleasant association.
• I still go to the local Chinese takeout place.
• Last week, when the gyms were still open, I had had a bellyful of bad news watching the morning news programs, so I switched to the other side of the gym, where the TVs were tuned to ESPN and the sports channels.  At the end of last week, I wondered what they would do now that sporting events around the US and around the world had been cancelled.  At this point, the gyms are all closed, so it doesn’t matter.

Trying to be a little more serious:

• I always imagine that when some emergency happens, I’ll be able to settle down and work in peace, or maybe turn my attention to something I’ve wanted to do and never had the time.  But that never happened.  Past emergencies (snowstorms, hurricanes) have lasted less than a week, and I was overtaken by the need to find out about, and fuss over, the emergency.  I need to get past that, this time.
• I’m feeling OK as I write this, except for the lingering tension of worrying what might happen.  At this point, that seems worse than the actual virus.
• Last week, I regularly visited the Johns Hopkins coronavirus dashboard.  Now I avoid it.  I look maybe twice a day, and I’m trying to drop it entirely.  It just adds to the tension.

*          *          *

Last Sunday, my wife and I went to a restaurant for lunch.  She had particularly wanted to go on Sunday for the live music.  The guitarist was there, but we were the only customers.  He played, and we talked and laughed and sang.  I got a little bit drunk.  I think we needed that.

And then, about a half-hour later, I got a phone call from work.  I steeled myself to deliver a competent answer.  Life is never easy.

*          *          *

Yesterday afternoon, my wife and I did some shopping.  We went to the Korean supermarket on 32nd Street and a nearby drugstore.  There are no paper goods, hand sanitizer, or disinfectants to be had, but everything else is pretty much there.

One of the Korean restaurants now limited to takeout was offering a ‘Care Package:’ for $149 (roughly the same as their menu price) they would pack up a Korean barbecue dinner (with raw meat to be grilled at the destination) and the essential garnishes and side dishes.

I was in good spirits, until I opened my email and got correspondence about Governor Handy Andy’s latest restrictions.  After decreeing that 50% of employees had to work from home, then 75%, he has gone all the way: all non-essential businesses shall be closed.  Public transit will remain in operation, but is to be avoided:

Individuals should limit use of public transportation to when absolutely necessary and should limit potential exposure by spacing out at least six feet from other riders;

The program has a cutesy name: New York State on PAUSE (Policies Assure Uniform Safety for Everyone).  I get annoyed with cute names for serious business, as well as laws named after little girls.

My particular business, as I read the rules, is deemed essential, so I can go in to work, although I should probably take my bicycle instead of the subway.  Nevertheless, I’m working from home when I can: after being overjoyed at consistently being able to get a seat on the subway, even during the rush hour, now I’m a bit creeped out.

I get the idea: with the number of cases skyrocketing, it’s more important to try to maintain isolation.  Still, the news is a punch in the gut.  (I could plumb the numbers further: I’m an engineer: it’s what I do.  But not today.)

And yet, I wonder: we’ve been told that we should be welcoming of all people, that referring to Covid as a ‘Chinese virus’ is racist, and that diversity is our strength.  Yet the current set of rules seem to pit us all against each other, warning that any stranger within six feet is a potential disease carrier and bringer of illness and death.

For my part, I find myself being overly nice (or at least nicer than usual) to the people I have to interact with in my travels: we are, after all, all in this together.

So I have recently discussed my job hunting, which has its highs and low. I discussed a questionable job that was eventually rescinded and after that I was offered a job I turned down because it was part time with no benefits, not many hours a week, and required a round trip of over an hour to work 3-4 hours. Even though I need money, something doesn’t seem right so I turned it down. Plus in the second interview the one guy yelled at me for answering something what he considered wrong.

Brings me up to now. I got a call for a marketing job and am going on my third interview on Friday where she wants me to meet her boss. It’s looking good plus they reached out to me and on top of it she told me another department wants me too! The place has good benefits for the most part (no pension but who does anymore?). However, the salary is so-so. I mean it’s not bad, but I’m not entry level and it’s less than I made 15 years ago. This is my big issue with almost all jobs now, most seem to be paying what I saw many years ago. One job that interviewed me 15 years ago wanted to interviewed me now and are actually paying LESS than 15 years ago! I see this often, I don’t see jobs even paying $40,000 now, heck I am happy to interview for jobs paying $32,0000 now, though I made more years ago. Years ago I hung up on places offering me “just” $35,000 and now would be jumping through hoops to make that. if I am offered this job (which does pay more then $32,000 plus benefits) of course I’ll take it, but it seems we are regressing with salaries which is sad.

After way too many years of underemployment, unemployment and the like I finally got a full time job but there are red flags galore. To summarize my job life since 2007, I lost my high paying but high stress, job where I was bullied. In general I liked when I did what I was hired to do but often “duties as needed” meant things like counting pencils. HR bullied me so badly and when my boss was fired so was I and anyone connected to him. At first I was happy because I hated the job (liked my boss) and figured with my impressive skills and my masters I’d find a job soon and even had an interview the day I was fired. Looked good, but it became a nightmare that continued from December 2007 (yes almost 12 years) until now.

So from December 2007 until September 2016 I tried everything. I got a job waitressing but both me and the restaurant owner mutually agreed I couldn’t hack it anymore due to arthritis and psoriasis. I did a variety of temp jobs and whatever I could find. I went on interviews and sent out hundreds, if not thousands of resumes. I dealt with everything you can imagine, being told I was too old at 37, told I wasn’t smart, taking test after test and still being rejected. I would cry and so depressed. It was a nightmare and couldn’t figure out why I was being rejected. I knew then I had to go back and get another degree so I chose substance abuse.

In general, I wasn’t crazy about substance abuse but knew there was a shortage in the field. I got a 4.0 my first semester but the second semester was rough, because I lost my mother unexpectedly, my grandfather expectedly, and I got very sick where I was bedridden for months. Luckily my classes were mostly online (and the one in person class wasn’t long when we met in person and had online sessions). Even so, I graduated with a 4.0. I then applied for the advanced program and was rejected. I don’t know why but it was known the department was angry I didn’t want to work with low income clients in the “hood”. No, I didn’t want to get shot for a barely above minimum wage job. I’ve discussed my issue with the addictions program in another thread so it’s another topic. I then started the online teaching program and that has been a positive experience.

I finished the degree, and continued with my online teaching certificate. I started getting job interviews with my instructional design experience (what I did in my job I mentioned earlier) and thought it would be cool if I went back to doing it and ironic after spending two years in addictions but nope. So I decided to bite the bullet and take the drug counseling certification test. I did this and passed and since then I’ve been getting interviews. One place gave me bad vibes when I interviewed but I figured they wouldn’t call me but then they offered me the job.

I should be happy, right? Nope, they told me the wage, which was 16 bucks an hour and change (16.82 I think). However, they didn’t mention benefits and when I asked they told me they would tell me when I started. This is fishy. In the past I would have never considered this offer but here I am. I am going to help the online teaching program give presentations about the program and love this field, but they can’t afford to pay much, or anything right now. So yeah here we go again where I am going to take a job I don’t want and still hope something better comes along.

It has been a while since I have posted. I have suffered from fibromyalgia for 22 years now, and I have a better understanding of the disease process. Recently, I realized I had not had a Vitamin B-12 Level, nor a Folic Acid level ever done. So, I had them done—and both were below-normal levels, respectively. I have been getting B-12 shots now for about 9 months, and my energy level is better than it has been since 10 years ago. I tried taking Folic Acid, but I got diarrhea when I took it. So, I will have to ask my physician if I can have the injections of Folic Acid instead. My IBS started in 1997. I do not know when my hypothyroidism, and low vitamin levels stated—but I would say it was at the same time. The lesson here is that despite all the money spent on healthcare in the USA, we really do not have a system that can properly diagnose, using low-cost blood-tests, diseases correctly. I have suffered unnecessary pain because of the failure of this system. I got my correct diagnosis from ‘Dr. Google’. I, for one, look forward to A.I. -powered ‘medical diagnosis and treatment plans’. Recently, I had a hemorrhoid ‘banded’—and that was a complete failure. As the little ‘rubber band’ came off, I experienced the worst physical pain of my life. It was like my root-canal infections, but worse. I am now thinking that most things cannot be fixed because they are due to the degenerative diseases of aging. Everyone should be aware of this reality. I certainly am. OUCH!

I have a long update on everything that has happened and it ties into the problem with colleges preparing students for low level jobs. Anyway, in 2016 I started college again to work with addictions. I knew then that with just the basic 32 hour degree the jobs were worthless (some paying minimum wage and in bad areas) but with the 60 hour degree the job offers were much better (close to what I have made in past). So basically I decided to go for the 60 hours and managed a 4.0 GPA. This proved difficult at times since my mom died in the beginning of my second semester and I became very sick to the point where I believed I would die. Not an exaggeration, my doctor told me I had symptoms of stage 4 liver cancer. Turns out I had several issues, including a severe kidney infection. Luckily this semester (Spring 2017) I had two classes online and a third was once a week and the professor was understanding of my illness. Long story short I completed this semester with a 4.0 GPA and when Fall 2017 came around I applied for the advanced program. They required me to jump through hoops that no one else had to, and they still rejected me. The reason I found out was because they didn’t like that I wasn’t open to working in high crime areas (something I told them about from the get go) and that I attended church. To say I was bitter was an understatement because I was clear I wanted in that program and not the 32 hour one. I also believe race may have played a part since the school is mostly African American and very very SJW.

So instead of going in the program I wanted, I decided to apply for the internship and be done. But nope, they let me know late that I was rejected so I had to wait a semester. I was then able to start my online teaching certificate, something I considered long before this program. I also took an addiction class that had a lot of information I need for my certification test so it was fine. When I applied for the internship from the get go the professor was nasty to me. No matter what I said in class he bashed me. In July I was having a conversation with a classmate about the students that they accept and I stated half don’t belong there. The professor overheard me and decided to attack me in class and tell my classmates I was talking about them. They told him I wasn’t referring to them and he started saying yes I was. Then in September I got into it with another student and a professor and it ended with me suspended from school until I had a conduct meeting. In the meantime I had to attend a conference in Myrtle Beach and several of my classmates also attended. For the most part they mostly ignored me and if they saw me would say hi and walk away. These were classmates I was on good terms with before this, we spoke often via email and in class. My professor said things about me to them I assume. While at the conference I found that I could return to my internship (I had 7 days left to go) and had to attend a counseling session. At the counseling session the counselor said I didn’t need help, and that was that. I returned to my internship, finished it last week and turned in the logs.

Speaking of my internship, it went well and met great people. The bad thing though is that it is merging with another company so they couldn’t have offered me a job even if they wanted to. I am sending a resume though to the new place taking over and keeping in touch with several I met at the internship. I liked it there but go figure something like this would happen. I’m also pursuing the online teaching certificate and was selected to job an honor society for future educators, which I accepted. Ironically the acceptance came during my suspension, which to me was a sort of omen. I wish I had listened to my vibes about doing the program I am almost finished with and switched to the other counseling program or perhaps it will come in handy with education jobs, who knows.

I am very-sure I had two-close-relatives who had this ‘disorder’ (‘no pun intended)!

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/borderline-personality-disorder-trait-talk-150728081.html

Where do I begin with this.

I resuscitated the job search late this April.

I signed up for Indeed. At first, there were many posts…I got a lot of interviews but no offers and then the posts dried up at the end of June and has been dry since then.

As for me, I got a swift shock when I sat down and toted up my monthly — and then yearly expenses for my cost of living.

I am still here at this crummy crummy apartment — the rent is almost $1400 — there is a 5.5% increase yearly, as mandated by, I think, the county — and I am still tied to that bin, that is holding all of the furniture and my belongings for the past 3 years.

In essence, my monthly rent is over $1800, counting the bin and the rent for this apartment.

I do not go out, I do not go on vacations and I don’t buy clothes, unless it is a necessity.

The rest of my expenses are food, car insurance, the 3-way-phone/internet/cable bill, gas and electric.

I am being swamped and back in August, when I saw how much per year I am spending, just to live… I nearly shit my pants.

If I got a $38,000 per year job?

I won’t be able to cut it financially.

After taxes, that job will net me about 26 grand…I need about 50 grand to stay in the black and there is no job that I will be able to get that will pay me 50K per year.

The part time jobs don’t even seem to be available anymore. To make up the deficit…I’d have to work a solid chunk of hours per week and that chunk of hours has to be guaranteed indefinitely. And we all know part timers are always the first to go when a company wants to tighten its belt.

You no longer work to earn a living — in NJ you are working to feed an economic monster. You have little money for your own disposal

The money just is not here anymore. The jobs are not here anymore — I think New Jersey is done for, cost of living wise. The cost of living goes up each year and salaries are not keeping up with the cost of living. Nobody gets a raise anymore. I never got a raise at my last 3 jobs.:( Nothing — open up my check on the last pay period of the year and I have the same damn amount looking me in the face.:(

I am nearly 61. Like it or not, I haven’t got many years left in the workforce.

We have lost nearly 64,000 jobs in this area between 1993 and December of 2014 — those 64,000  jobs  were concentrated in a radius that comprised 3 towns. This is the hub that was Passaic-Clifton-Nutley.

Roche closed for good in December of 2014. Genentech, the company that owns them, decided they did not want a NJ campus. They were phased out over 3 years’ time.

2 hospitals closed; went out of business — I can’t see how — business was booming there and always was —  and the third one that’s left isn’t so great.

One of the hospitals that closed had a residency program and was a leader in heart surgery.

Roche closed, Givudan is gone, both ADPs were absorbed by Roseland and Shulton is gone — gone after Cyanamid was bought out by some other company. ITT was a goner when the  Iron Curtain fell in 1991; ITT no longer exists because of that.

64,000 jobs and nothing at all to replace them.:(

In their place: retail, housing and a mixed-use commercial building where Givudan stood.

Nothing is where one of the former hospitals was…and the former St. Mary’s is vacant. No buyer for the property.

Mary’s took over the Passaic General building; Passaic Gen went out of business.

Why do we need a medical school and start-up companies? that is what is there now on the former Roche campus.:( That’s not going to bring us 31,000 jobs for all skill sets and every education level.

I guess my only choice is to relocate to a cheaper state. If I stay here, I will be slaughtered financially. I can’t and won’t blame myself: I am what I am and what I did for a living I did for a living. it is what it is and I have to find somewhere else to live.:( Not this state — I am finished here.:(

Who thinks this is going to happen to them — and who thinks this state is going to more or less be only for the high earners???:(

You know how property taxes are here — effing sky high — and landlords are greedy. The least expensive 3 bedroom is perhaps about what I am paying, maybe $800 less per month than what I pay, if you are lucky. And most of these people are multiple property owners, like the one who owns my building. I never even got a stove when I moved in here! he never told me “Stove is yours to take care of.”

When I first saw these rooms, there was a stove here. he was  busy pulling up the old carpet…I came here 2 weeks ahead of my move-in date to paint and no stove. I figured he’d have it here by April 1, which was my official first day here; 4-1 comes and no stove. I call him asking “”Where’s the stove” and that is when he tells me I have to provide it MYSELF.

I have one of those old stovetop ranges….this is a 1960 apartment that was never updated…but no stove. Buy it myuself? NO…because I’d be stuck with it. I have a countertop oven…and I think it is packing it in.:(

Not what we agreed upona nd nowhere in the lease does it say “provide your own stove.” Guy downstairs…same thing….and that other apartment downstairs where the screaming tenant was…that stove got thrown out. New tenant is there and I am 100% sure the landlord provided a stove for him.:( I would LOVE to find out somehow.

Ugh…:(

I have been watching the Kavanaugh hearings with interest, not because I support or oppose anyone, but rather because we have become a country of they said this and those said other things. Right now I am deal with an issue that could get me expelled from graduate school. I have a 4.0 GPA, on scholarship but could lose all of it to a bully my temper. My professor has been bullying me severely since March. He attacked me via email but the worst came in July where he heard me having a private conversation with a classmate about the admissions policy and how so many don’t belong in school. Instead of ignoring a private conversation he was not involved (and which didn’t pertain to him) he decided to bring this conversation in class and attack me, saying I have no right saying this about my classmates and he then told my classmates I was talking about them when I wasn’t, and they knew I didn’t mean them. He then asked me to stay afterwards where he called me worthless and how he was going to get me expelled from school. I reported this to the head of the program and she is aware and aid he would be nicer. Well, he was nicer, only because his comments weren’t as mean, and ignored.

Anyway, last Thursday he started telling us our degrees were worthless and he recommended we go for the advanced program. He then looked at me and said “not you, you’re worthless”. Needless to say I started to go and he continued as did a classmate who bullied me for not going into bad areas for an internship. This classmate (a Nation of Islam member) made it about race, and I started to walk towards him to confront him and my teacher pushed me. He then told me to leave and started harassing me. As I was leaving I made a comment like “I hope you die”. Well, long story short he pressed charges against me and the school suspended me until a hearing. I could get a warning, suspension for a semester or expelled or many other things. I am hoping since I am almost done with the program (55 hours at my internship where they like me)they will allow me to continue with another professor. I am terrified because the one time I erupted (after months of abuse) is now going to cause trouble. Forget the fact that I am a 4.0 GPA library trustee, active in the Legion Auxiliary and church, nope the professor (who has a history of abuse towards women) is the one they might believe. The reality is this, people believe the person in power over someone else and it is sickening. It’s why people (especially women) don’t come forward and victims suffer.

https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2018/09/expat-america-europe/570580/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=atlantic-daily-newsletter&utm_content=20180920&silverid-ref=MzEwMTU3MzE3NzQ2S0

The Coming Collapse

The voters were hoodwinked.

There was never going to be a reboot of the coal mines and as for the Rust Belt and the auto industry: That goes with a nice offer of a bridge for sale. There were never going to be any school vouchers.

Buyer’s remorse is going to hit quite hard.

Face it: all of you were lied to and you bought it all, hook, line and sinker.

Somebody, anybody, tell me that hospitality and etiquette is not dead at a job interview.

Nobody seems to offer you a drink or if they can get you anything — not anymore — I mentioned this to a job coach (I have one now and that is a story in itself) and she  laughed.

Laughed like this was a joke.

I reminded her that we were told to always make a client or an interviewee at home– “Oh that was a long time ago. This is why you are having a problem finding a job…. this was a long time ago…a glass of water, really?” And she kept laughing.:(

10 years ago at my last “corporate” job is not a long time ago.

And niceties and hospitality never go out of style.

As for the job search itself:

Oh, the jobs are there, on indeed. Dozens of them. That’s not the problem now, scarcity of jobs — the day of the hard copy “help wanted” news paper ad is done.

And done because it’s easier and quicker to post an ad as long as you wish it to be, on indeed. There is no per-word price like there is with a hard copy ad. Last I heard a newspaper help wanted ad was a couple hundred bucks for a smallish ad.

Though every once in awhile, a giant in an industry will publish a newspaper help wanted ad.

I restarted my job search about a month ago. “For the real” — I still have been looking in the meanwhile. Not much success.

I have sent close to 80 resumes in the past 3 weeks — I got several “the employer has seen your resume” and got perhaps 4 phone interviews. Only one phone interview has resulted in a face to face interview.

I have attended one interview this past Friday and it was at a small mom and pop electrical company — this is the bunch that didn’t offer me a drink or anything else — that wasn’t for me and they ended the interview after 4 minutes, anyway. This is much ado about nothing — they want to speak to other candidates for the next 3 weeks and then call back the candidates for a second interview.

The mother of the bunch sat in on that interview with me and the other person. The mother did not introduce herself. I had to ask her name.:(

So is etiquette dead? When did the rule change?:(

In 2016 I went back to become a drug counselor. They asked me if I planned to go for the advanced program or the basic and I said advanced. They said I needed to maintain a 3.5 GPA to even be accepted. A year later I was finished with the main part and applied for the advanced program. I have a 4.0 GPA, and serve in various capacities including as a library trustee. I thought I was a sure thing, but nope. In fact, they claimed I didn’t have the right personality for that program or something stupid. I almost dropped out of the program because I was very clear what I wanted when I started and with a 4.0 GPA should have gotten it. Most of the people accepted into the program have lower GPA’a than me, some don’t even hit that number. I received a $10,000 for this summer, otherwise I would have dropped out.

Well, turns out I think I know why I was rejected. I found out I was rejected because the coordinator hates Catholics and anyone right of, well, a communist. They found out I mentioned I didn’t want to work in the ghetto and their snowflake brains were offended. Also, need I mention everyone accepted was African American? Yep. So now, I find out with just the certification the jobs are garbage to be blunt and I could make more in other fields. I’m looking into going for a doctorate in psychology instead because at least this will get me into those programs but apparently not much else.

The only good thing is the grant means I have to attend all expense paid conferences and get additional certification in integrated care so who knows. I’m also taking online teaching certificate and Spanish classes so this should help.

It seems an obvious question: so obvious, in fact, that I hadn’t really noticed its absence in all the times I’ve had to complete a Census.  In fact, on researching the issue further, it wasn’t really absent: in 1970 through 2000, the question was on the long-form questionnaire.  But the last time all participants were required to identify whether they were citizens in the United States Census was in 1950.

President Trump is planning to bring the question back for 2020, to howls of protest.  Nineteen state Attorneys General are contemplating suing the Federal government if the question is added.  The question, we’re told, would discourage immigrants, legal and illegal, from participating in the Census, leading to an undercount that would deprive states with large immigrant populations of representation in Congress (and, by extension, the Electoral College) and Federal aid of various stripes.

The Census is intended to be “an Enumeration” to establish “the whole Number of free Persons,” which includes (since slavery was abolished over 150 years ago, we’re all ‘free’) citizens and immigrants, regardless of their status.  Fair enough.

But not asking about citizenship is just one of many ways in which our leadership has made policy decisions in deference to people’s fears.  Some might be afraid to answer the Census if we ask about citizenship, so we won’t ask.  Indeed, the primary argument of the latest group of gun control advocates seems to be to emotion: guns are scary, and dangerous to our precious children.

Deferring to fear is not good public policy.  For years, we’ve been reluctant to address North Korea.  We’d make a deal with them; they’d do what they wanted anyway; we’d call them nasty names, but then ultimately make another deal.  President Trump has broken the cycle.  It’s a bit scary, to be sure, but it seems to be working.

Asking Census participants whether they are citizens is eminently reasonable.  The question should be asked.

Or is it that illegal immigrants—although they cannot vote—have become a part of the political power base of states like New York and California, and the leadership of those states doesn’t want to lose power?

I haven’t posted much in the last few months, even up to a year with a good reason. This year has been traumatic to say the least. It started out pretty uneventful, but this would change on January 13, 2017. I was getting ready to go to a party when I was talking to my mom and she had a seizure. She gets seizures often but this one was scary and I called 911. They brought an ambulance and sent her to the emergency room. I drove with my dad to the hospital. For two weeks I was on edge not knowing what would happen and the hospital didn’t know. In the meantime I started my new semester of school and became busy with that. They told us she was improving they thought, but not enough to be confident. As it turned out my birthday occurred on January 25 and instead of getting presents and a birthday dinner me and my dad went to the hospital. I was talking to her and she seemed to be listening and I thought she nodded. The social worker told us though that if there was no real improvement in the next few days we would have to move her to a nursing home to recover.

On January 26, I was up doing my homework when my dad called to tell me the hospital called him. Said my mom had a heart attack and to get there NOW. My dad flew down the expressway, and we got there in record time. We walked to the area where my mom was and I sensed something different. Several people walked towards us, including a priest and I knew. Turns out my mom died when they called but didn’t want to tell us until we got there. We said goodbyes to my mother and they called the funeral home in town to pick her up. The next day we had to go there and make the arrangements, which was difficult. The following Wednesday was her wake/funeral and the following day we drove to the cemetery where her cremains were buried. One thing about funerals is that you can see who is there for you and who is not. Several people I thought were decent not only didn’t show, they didn’t even email me condolences. In fact a few bashed my mom. Needless to say I’ll never talk to them again. Others were very kind, including people from the church and library. When my mother died my grandfather (her father) was still alive but in the latter stages of Alzheimers. It was agreed that we wouldn’t tell him. Three weeks later he passed away. Just a month ago my mom’s last blood aunt passed away at 105 (she has one aunt who is an aunt by marriage still living). This aunt was more like a grandmother as she helped raise both my grandmother (mom’s mom) when their parents died, but also my mom). So we had three deaths this year, but of course losing my mom was the worst because she was only 69.

Then the week before Ash Wednesday I got sick, really sick. I have been suffering from severe psoriasis for years and they put me on medicine that helped me go into remission. Life was great until I noticed both the psoriasis and the arthritis coming back, which was odd. I went to the dermatologist and discovered that I had a form of strep and with a serious disease the medicine makes it worse. That Friday I came home from working as a writing instructor and started to feel sick. I started throwing up and all weekend was sick. That Monday I was feeling a little bit better and helped decorate for the Beef dinner on Fat Tuesday at church. I get there and start running a fever and went home to sleep. The next day I couldn’t help at the event as my fever went to 102. I started actually hallucinating which was scary and prevented me from going to church on Ash Wednesday and work all week. By the following week I was feeling better and thought it was over, but nope.

I then got really sick again and went to my doctor. They immediately sent me to the hospital because I had Erythroderma. This is a severe skin disease that kills. I was severely dehydrated and throwing up. When I went to the emergency room they also found out I had a severe kidney infection. So for a month or so I couldn’t eat anything, was cold and couldn’t walk. Yes, on top of everything else my feet swelled and I was unable to walk. I literally had to have my dad help me with basic things like cleaning. Talk about feeling stupid. I slept most of the time or watched tv. So finally around April I started to feel better for about a week then got sick again. I went back to my doctor and he did some x-rays. He did various bloodwork and saw my liver was failing and so was my gall bladder. He told me it looked like I had stage 4 liver cancer but wanted to make sure. I have never been more afraid. Long story short, it was nasty flu that appeared to be causing liver and gall bladder problems. One of the reasons was because I was throwing up everything. He told me to eat oatmeal, which I did and my bloodwork came out okay. Eventually everything went back to normal, except my psoriasis and arthritis. I struggled with those until the fall. I lost over 40 pounds and my hair fell out on top of it. I have never been so sick. Luckily I recovered and everything is back to normal. I’ve even gone back to working out.

Then there is the issue with school. I went back to school to become an addictions counselor along with a licensed professional counseling. Even though I managed to maintain a 4.0 (when I was so sick I did my homework in my bed) they didn’t think I was qualified to be a counselor. Why? who knows, but probably because I said I didn’t want to work in bad areas (and if you follow the news then you know the south side of Chicago is bad). I also made it clear I wanted to work with veterans, and they didn’t like it. I’m checking into the doctorate program for counseling which will allow me to be a counselor and also be a professor.

I can’t wait for 2018. The rest of the year looks like a lot of activities, including going to see Star Wars tomorrow, Christmas Eve mass, Christmas with just my dad and maybe a party on New Years Eve. Then I can say goodbye to this horrible year.

Last weekend, my bedroom radiator went out of control. It made a lot of noise and then got red hot.

It was so hot it was untouchable — and it ran and ran all day, The temperature kept going up.

I had a puddle of water on the floor from where the condensation happened after I bled it — and then on Sunday about 2 pm, the radiator shut down.

I gave Landlord a call yesterday and told him that now I had no heat and that the radiator was out of control all weekend…

Here is why:

Last Friday night at 9:20, Next Door Neighbor took a rock and willfully broke the window on the ground floor where the guy in the front apartment lives; this is the apartment under mine — and the deli across the street caught her on video tape doing so. There are security cameras there.

All the cold air got into that apartment and that’s why the boiler worked overtime and this is why my radiator was smoking red hot all weekend. We have no individual boilers.

Not to mention what would have happened if that rock hurt my neighbor.

I think he was away when all of this happened. I think he still is away. Wonder if he was told she broke his window?

I saw the cops come and get her on Sunday and that’s a whole story in itself. (They didn’t even tell her what charge it was; they more or less said “you’re arrested and come with us.”This is not how you officially arrest a perp! And that’s why this is so horrific and so wrong! ) I am still angry at that. This isn’t what you do, break a window willfully…but anyway — they came and got her and looks like she will not be returning.

She will have to wait for a judge — that could take who knows how long — and a public defender will have to prepare her case. Then the judge will have to decide how much bail she will have to pay — likely she can’t pay the 10% to a bailbondsman so she will sit in that county jail until her hearing.

She is likely to get 6 months in jail for being a disorderly person, if the damage is under $500 .

Or possibly more if there is more monetary damage; a judge has to evaluate what kind of damage this is and how it was caused. That’s also possibly 3rd degree criminal mischief and 3 to 5 years in jail.

And being that Landlord replaced the entire window — not just the pane of glass — you can bet that is easily $600 to replace one window. He didn’t care about the 600 bills — he’s got homeowners/property insurance, so he will see that money returned to him.

So now there is possibly 3 to 5 years in jail, too.:( proves again that she never had any business living on her own — she needed to be in a group setting.

Also likely she will have a psych exam whilst in that county jail and awaiting the judge — and be sent to some psych jail somewhere in the county or state, while she waits for the hearing. You know there are always delays and postponements and there are also immates that are ahead of you, waiting for their turn at a hearing or sentencing.

She won’t be coming back.

Her apartment will be given over to somebody else; no county entity will pay for an apartment somebody is not in whilst they are in a jail.  She has been gone since Sunday afternoon. (and for all intents and purposes, he should go in there and remove the garbage, at the very least. This is a week she is gone and no doubt she’s got a ton of trash — I once saw her emerge with 3 huge bags of trash)

I never bought it that she was harmless.  Anybody who willfully breaks a window has a problem.

Probably slow on the draw thanks to the mind being boggled by recent current events…but hey…I finally got it. Ain’t I smart.:(

I have a toilet tank that needs adjusting (the water needs more oomph so that it flushes all the way; the same problem happened in April and it was fixed in 2 minutes).

There is a leak near the kitchen window. He sent a guy to investigate, then told me somebody would be there in about an hour….and nothin’ happened. That was December.

My kitchen window creaks and buckles in a strong wind. I told him that in January 8th…he said okay…and nobody came to fix it.

And the kitchen radiator does not work. I told him about 5 times that there is no heat in the kitchen….no repair.

3 days ago, a little notecard envelope arrived in the mail. Didn’t recognize the handwriting. Didn’t have my glasses but it looked like Landlord’s wife was on the return addy.

Uh…it was.

In long hand on the inside is notice of my rent increase. “$1318”??? what an odd odd number. And effective next month. Dude — I have not been here a year; it is a year April 1st.

I wonder if this guy is behind on back taxes — I wonder.:( And if he’s not behind on back taxes, why the odd amount for rent? Wouldn’t you think he’d make it an even number??

The garage roof is leaking. In that garage is nothing but odds and ends — old table, furniture, boxes, etc. Funny how he feels the need to rent out that garage — it’s like he’s trying to make ends meet in a hurry.

As it is he has tenants do the repairs…haha, this is like Litchfield; he hires his tenants to do the repairs that a pro should do. He probably has no money to pay anyone…or maybe he simply doesn’t want to pay anyone.

If he has a cash flow problem, I find it worrisome. I am trying to get out of here and find a dig friendly apartment. I am leery of this neighborhood and I find it unsettling that Neighbor next door is not permitted to have a phone. What if there is a fire? Landlord had the answer: There are alarms.

Alarms? A fire can spread in minutes! Suppose she can’t even get to the fire escape or the door? We all go up in flames???

(he also claims he has no idea who pays for Neighbor’s apartment. c’mon…somebody’s name is on the check. or does that money show up on his doorstep in an envelope with “For J.” written on it? Who ya kiddin?

Getting back to the rent increase:

I cannot believe how silly he and his wife are. You mean to tell me she can’t type up the notice and mail it in a business envelope?? She hasn’t got a typewriter? You put it on a silly notecard??? This isn’t how business is done.

If there is a major breakdown of the furnace or the roof heads south during a storm — what happens?

A friend on Facebook shared this thought provoking essay.

This is a must read!!
From Heather Richardson, professor of History at Boston College:
“I don’t like to talk about politics on Facebook– political history is my job, after all, and you are my friends– but there is an important non-partisan point to make today.
What Bannon is doing, most dramatically with last night’s ban on immigration from seven predominantly Muslim countries– is creating what is known as a “shock event.”
Such an event is unexpected and confusing and throws a society into chaos. People scramble to react to the event, usually along some fault line that those responsible for the event can widen by claiming that they alone know how to restore order.
When opponents speak out, the authors of the shock event call them enemies. As society reels and tempers run high, those responsible for the shock event perform a sleight of hand to achieve their real goal, a goal they know to be hugely unpopular, but from which everyone has been distracted as they fight over the initial event. There is no longer concerted opposition to the real goal; opposition divides along the partisan lines established by the shock event.
Last night’s Executive Order has all the hallmarks of a shock event. It was not reviewed by any governmental agencies or lawyers before it was released, and counterterrorism experts insist they did not ask for it. People charged with enforcing it got no instructions about how to do so. Courts immediately have declared parts of it unconstitutional, but border police in some airports are refusing to stop enforcing it.
Predictably, chaos has followed and tempers are hot.
My point today is this: unless you are the person setting it up, it is in no one’s interest to play the shock event game. It is designed explicitly to divide people who might otherwise come together so they cannot stand against something its authors think they won’t like.
I don’t know what Bannon is up to– although I have some guesses– but because I know Bannon’s ideas well, I am positive that there is not a single person whom I consider a friend on either side of the aisle– and my friends range pretty widely– who will benefit from whatever it is.
If the shock event strategy works, though, many of you will blame each other, rather than Bannon, for the fallout. And the country will have been tricked into accepting their real goal.
But because shock events destabilize a society, they can also be used positively. We do not have to respond along old fault lines. We could just as easily reorganize into a different pattern that threatens the people who sparked the event.
A successful shock event depends on speed and chaos because it requires knee-jerk reactions so that people divide along established lines. This, for example, is how Confederate leaders railroaded the initial southern states out of the Union.
If people realize they are being played, though, they can reach across old lines and reorganize to challenge the leaders who are pulling the strings. This was Lincoln’s strategy when he joined together Whigs, Democrats, Free-Soilers, anti-Nebraska voters, and nativists into the new Republican Party to stand against the Slave Power.
Five years before, such a coalition would have been unimaginable. Members of those groups agreed on very little other than that they wanted all Americans to have equal economic opportunity. Once they began to work together to promote a fair economic system, though, they found much common ground. They ended up rededicating the nation to a “government of the people, by the people, and for the people.”
Confederate leaders and Lincoln both knew about the political potential of a shock event. As we are in the midst of one, it seems worth noting that Lincoln seemed to have the better idea about how to use it.”
If you’d like to share, COPY AND PASTE. DON”T “SHARE”

My first stop was United healthcare, who I had covering me up until about 4 years ago.

Everything went fine until somehow the system hung and it couldn’t be “called up.”:(

I tried the Obamacare hotline.:(

I told them I was retired and had no income and they told me I was ineligible for Obamacare and that Medicaid would be what coverage was mine.

I said “That all goes through the county in our state. Isn’t that county government who more or less ‘runs’ it, and no the federal government?” She couldn’t answer my question.

I need coverage from somewhere and I am going to keep on trying…..

And today’s try — writing this as an addendum; today is Tuesday…

Is to no avail.

United Healthcare quoted me $600. What the hell? Do they think all of us are made of money?

We’re screwed and that’s that.

And don’t get me started again about wanting to go back to work. I fucking can’t believe this happened to me.

A week ago Friday, I stopped to watch President Trump’s inaugural address.  Halfway through, I was almost expecting machine guns to open up and blow him to bits.  How dare he say things like this, when we’re all supposed to be caught up in the moment:

But for too many of our citizens, a different reality exists: Mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities; rusted-out factories scattered like tombstones across the landscape of our nation; an education system, flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of knowledge; and the crime and gangs and drugs that have stolen too many lives and robbed our country of so much unrealized potential.

This American carnage stops right here and stops right now.

But, in fact, he’s right.  We are a troubled nation, and the first step in fixing the troubles is acknowledging that they exist.

The next day, I dug up Obama’s address from 2009, and replayed Trump’s version.  There were telling similarities: both Presidents were representing themselves as a break from the past and a new direction.  But Obama was polite and circumspect, like a politician, while Trump was blunt and forceful, like a new CEO brought in to resurrect a failing corporation.

*          *          *

Enough with the posturing, already.

Many fewer people showed up to witness Trump’s inauguration in 2017 than Obama’s in 2009.  The weather was worse this year; Trump is another white guy; many in the northeast United States, within 200-300 miles of Washington, supported the other candidate.  Perhaps some people even imagined that machine guns might open up in the middle of the inaugural address.

But then the new Administration waded into the issue to challenge what seemed an obvious truth.  It doesn’t accomplish anything and just makes them look petty.

Similarly, the President of Mexico, perhaps riled by some of President Trump’s statements, cancelled his planned visit.  Trump responded:

The President of Mexico and myself have agreed to cancel our planned meeting scheduled for next week. Unless Mexico is going to treat the United States fairly, with respect, such a meeting would be fruitless, and I want to go a different route.

No, you didn’t mutually agree: he cancelled.  If he hadn’t, the meeting would still be happening.  Don’t pretend otherwise.

*          *          *

Yesterday’s Daily News featured a graphic of the Statue of Liberty weeping in response to President Trump’s executive orders on immigration.  “Trump needs to read the inscription on the statue,” someone remarked at the restaurant where my wife and I were having lunch.

Well, maybe.

A century ago, the ‘huddled masses’ and ‘wretched refuse’ came to America under their own power.  They saved their money and paid for their own passage.  They knew there were hardships and dangers, and that they would have to adapt to their new land, not the other way around.

It would be one thing if people organized a charitable endeavor to bring refugees into the United States.  The government’s role in this would be issuing visas for entry and nothing more.  Congress could authorize some quantity of refugee visas to be paid for by the taxpayers, but that would be it.  The charities running the operation would be responsible for transportation, providing a place for the refugees to stay when they arrived, and acclimating them to life in the United States.

But that isn’t what’s happening.  The government is funding, at taxpayer expense, the arrival of these refugees.  There are religious organizations, functioning as government contractors, doing the work.

We didn’t do this a century ago.   Why do we feel the need to do it now?  What national interest does it serve?

Alas, I didn’t get the memo.

This has to do with that neighbor.:(

2 weeks ago the cops were here to see her (I heard the whole conversation; I was on the inside decorating my tree).

Seems as though somebody down at that shopping center complained Neighbor tried to touch her child.

First she denied being there. Then she sort of said she was ther and the cops said “If you do it again we will arrest you.” they asked her for the current date and she said “December 5, 1916 – 17.”

I spoke to the cops about this I got the same song and dance as last time. They more or less poo pooed the whole thing.

I told Landlord what happened. He claimed he spoke to the cops and he says there is no way she can be evicted.

Today I heard a commotion outside at 9 am; I heard a lot of metal and clanking and guys’ voices raised. I thought it was a truck unloading. And then I heard loud banging.

I decided to go see what was going on — I heard a guy say “you can’t get in that way” — there’s the front door shaking and pounding.

I said “Who is it?” “Police!”

Christ…was this an emergency??? I opened the door and guess what:

They were breaking the door down because she is locked out.

I’ve never heard of anything so bent. Oh? The cops come a running because she is locked out? Nice waste of taxpayer money.

He claims she cannot be evicted so long as “she” is paying ‘her” rent. She isn’t paying the rent. Allegedly she is here due to some public mental health program that’s placed her here. I don’t think that is it — there’d be a conservator and social workers and site visits: she has had none of that.

I cannot be out of here until fall. Very long story and I am upset about that — and until then, I have to put up with this potentially unsafe little geek that lives on the same floor as I do. When do they remove her? When an incident occurs and somebody gets harmed, like a child???

I cannot believe that the cops let that go. Wonder what they told the child’s mother? WOW, if this was my child I’d have stormed that mayor’s office demanding their removal!

Catering to her, yet — I said something to that effect when the cops said “We are here because she’s locked out” — and I capped it with “Unbelieveable!” and stormed upstairs.

No way at all I can complain about her to some county agency and see if they can’t remove her? I am sure the police report is there for the record — and by rights, that incident should have been reported to that agency, IF there is an agency responsible for her being here in the first place.

How lousy. All of it. And nobody cares. All he wants is her rent money.

On Sunday, I returned from a visit with cousins. I was there for about a week.

They live in a much different part of the country; very large distance from here.

It is a whole new way of life. it is considered country and rural; the nearest large city is about 3 hours away.

Living is pretty cheap there; you can rent for next to nothing –half of what the rent is here — or buy a home at a fraction of the cost (and a fraction of the property taxes) of a home purchased out here. There is no urban sprawl and no infiltration of developers. There are homes here where the norm is 2 acres of land with a real nice ranch that goes for maybe 200K. No way can you touch a deal like that in New Jersey.

The thing is this: where does everyone work? I saw no companies, no office parks.

The towns themselves are large — a hundred square miles each in most cases. There are houses and then stretches of land with nothing on them. it’s desert.

If I could find a job out there, I’d be there in no time flat.

I would consider moving to that area in another 2 or 3 years to be sure.

What have I got here? Who have I got here, that is in my corner?

I never heard from Bro again. To be expected. To tell the truth, he could be anywhere; that lease on that apartment was up in September; they could have moved away, maybe not.

I am having a hard time finding good places and good situations where I can meet a bona fide friend. The silence now is deafening. This is now over 7 months of this nonsense where I am completely on my own and alone. It is bothering me now and bothering me greatly.

If I was 30 or even 40, there would be groups to join where I could meet somebody in my age category; where does a 59 year old go, to make a bona fide good friend? Who will you meet that is in the same boat as you — that is not on the hubby track and the grandkiddo track? That shit’s not for me.

I had an art show about a month ago; it was a large contingency of local artists that display every year in this one locale. 6 of us were in the room where we showed art; I know one guy slightly, another guy kind of kept to himself and there was a Hispanic couple who did not speak much English.

The other 3 artists I kind of got to know are good to keep in touch with for art shows and anything art but as bona fide friends I can do things and go places with: no.

(What I am looking for: a group of women and men that I can more or less have as an ‘extended family’ — all of us in the same category and those of us who are more or less free of family. No egos, no hangups, no phonies, no temper tantrums; this would be broad-minded, fun and smart adults) 

I haven’t got that many relatives left: one cousin is 50 miles away and the other 2 are the 2 I visited for Thanksgiving week. I had the time of my life out there.

To pick up and just move there: to me, right now, it is mind blowing. I haven’t got a job here; as I said, where are the jobs out there? I asked about it awhile back and my cousin said nobody was really hiring out there.

I still don’t know how you transcend having no job. How do you move on and get on with life? A therapist helps you get it off your chest but you are still left with the fact that there is no job you are working at.

And in July it looked like things were picking up. Nope. The ads dried up again and the last interview I had was 4 months ago.

I am disappointed with everyone and everything. There were things that didn’t pan out and acquaintances that didn’t deepen into a real friendship. I am better off with new people — people who do not know what happened to me — maybe I can start over with a clean slate.

A friend of mine said “move to a locale that brings nothing  but a smile to your face.” He was talking to a group of us about where he lives, which is New Mexico.

And also a factor, regarding how unsettled I feel right now: the fact those 2 friends took off: now it’s really starting to make me angry. I think I glossed it over when it happened but now I’m mad as hell. And I guarantee you Miss Broadway Tickets is disclosing every confidence of mine and she hasn’t got one nice thing to say about me.

This is real ambivalence: when I think about the 2 of them, I wonder “what the heck was really in this for me, either one of these 2 ‘friendships’?” How often did I see them? Where did we go? what kind of concessions were made for me?

I suggest a really cool trip and I get “I haven’t thought that far ahead right now…” Not the first time she has said it, when I suggest a really cool trip we can take. That is her-ese for “No. I don’t want to go on an exciting vacation.” Bully to her.

In fact, last year in June, I mentioned to her that my cousin was somebody I was planning to visit and she retorted, “Somebody sure must have a lot of money if they are talking about taking all of these trips.”:(

I replied, “he has offered to fly me out and pay my fare.” She shut her damn jealous mouth.

Maybe I should have bidden her adieu months ago. Geez…you are going to be 60 soon and you are acting like you are SIX??? Who makes a comment like that, really?

But still you are mad the 2 of them took off, and rightfully so. When will somebody come along to fill the void? We need people and we all need friends. We need them: but never again 2 “friends” like the  2 who took off on me.  And I will be damned if I make the same mistake and decide to have more sticks in the mud as friends: NO MORE.

All of this is why I am really tempted to move to the area where my cousins are…but as I said: what about a job???

I would at least have next of kin nearby: how do you think I feel about that? I have no next of kin. Not out here .

Don’t kid yourself — bro would NEVER come to my aid and he would give a fuck less what happened to me. You don’t think I am not scared of that? What about me: who have I got? There is nobody I can call if I have an emergency.

And shit: Remember the episode last year where my heart sped up?

When I told the both of them what happened to me, neither one of these 2 friends said to me “I will leave my cell phone on. If you need somebody to help, you can call me.”

And back in  May, right after I had that nosebleed that I wound up going to the emergency room for — I told my other friend what happened.

At the conclusion of the story, she did not say to me “call me if you need somebody in case of an emergency.”

So how much did either one of them care? Perhaps I should have been the one to take the high road in a hurry…a long long time ago.

But I “had” to be available when Miss Tickets had trouble with that asshole boyfriend 2 years back (The one she resumed seeing this past October: this is the one she claimed chased her car and banged on the windows, that time 2 years ago) — she called me on a Sunday morning in August, 2 years ago, crying  about how scared she was and that she needed somebody to talk to and somewhere to go.

Guess who said “come on over.” Now I regret it deeply.

The best place for her was down at the police station, across the street from her apartment building: not at my house: suppose he followed her?

And 7 years ago, I had to be available for her at nearly midnight, when her other boyfriend was dying and she needed somebody to drive her 40 miles up the road to his hospital.

I guess I am a damn dunce, then. And a sucker for everyone.:(

Nobody returns the favor for me when I am the one who needs somebody in case of an emergency.

I just wonder when it is that I get out from under.

As for the one who stiffed me when it came to that Broadway show: she would never come to my apartment building — I think I mentioned this — I gave her 5 sets of directions in April, right after I moved in — and she put up a fuss with all of them, claiming they put her into too much traffic or the directions were tough to follow, etc.

Something was very wrong there. I even went as far as to conclude — a month after she was out of my life — that she must have gotten into a pack of trouble with somebody or something from this town: maybe it’s a RO or an arrest or she was banned from coming to this town? That is my only conclusion.

I am 15 minutes from her apartment. Closer than my old locale…yet she would not come here. Very strange.

There is no way she told me what happened to her, when it happened. If she got into some kind of trouble, then I sure don’t need a friend like this. Makes you wonder what she did with her time that she got into a pickle like that one which possibly can be a legal one indeed. C’mon: why else is she refusing to COME here?

So that is where I stand right now.

I guess I am still trying to get my bearings. 🙁

Holy God.

it’s like a bomb hit the Javits Center — those people are silent, blank eyed and devastated.

What happened here?

This jerkoff broke every rule and pissed off everybody from here to Alpha Centauri. He’s insulted everybody he can find and stopped at nothing to say everything and anything disgusting and stomach turning.

It’s like everybody in the states “nobody really lives in” voted for him.

All of a sudden, this was….just gone, for her. When they announced Florida swung in his direction, it was over after that.

I will be up for awhile, probably until about 3 am.

Unfuckingbelievable. The Big Tangerine Pussy Snatcher has won the election.

Three people have told me they are shit scared — told me this all along and said so again, this morning — both of them don’t know what to do or where to go.

And now we have to “wait for Wisconsin.” Another stupid state that’s like some kind of a joke – what happened here??

This is the end of everything as we know it. Simply because a nonpolitician won — and because this fruitcake won.

244 to 215. I can’t see how she can win. 5 states are on the map that can go any way.

God help us all. What a sad sad thing for us and what a travesty and heartbreaker. You and I know he has no intention of keeping any promise he has made.

The Chicago Cubs won the World Series! I just wish my grandma was around to see this.

While watching the debates and all the media I am reminded of so many things but mostly the issues with racism and sexism. like it or not, this election is a reflection of our values, good or bad.  This election is such a horrible situation that I was inclined at one time to vote third party. However, that would be a poor choice.

Before I official announce who I endorse let me state: I don’t like either one but I hate one and think that person is the most unqualified person to ever run.  Therefore, I am endorsing Hillary Clinton.  Quite frankly, Trump scares me. Do I have questions about the emails? yes but I have more questions about Trump’s hatred towards others, especially women. He is demeaning too many women. I was leaning towards Gary Johnson but he stands little chance.

Long story short: it is tough to find a good therapist in this area.

I cannot use the group that I used when I was getting divorced; they do not accept clients from this county.

I was given the phone numbers of 3 referrals when I called that group I just mentioned — one is way too expensive, one is at the more or less county hospital (too many stories about that place and right now, its status is in jeopardy; it may close…or perhaps be bought out by some private group)…and I cannot seem to get an appointment with the third group. They are supposed to be very good but you have to call in the AM to see if there is somebody available to meet with you…and you’re supposed to call each morning to see if one is available??? Why can’t I just make an appointment?

I have had no success with that group. This morning, they didn’t even answer the phone. On Thursday and Friday they told me nobody was available and I called right at 9 am when they opened for business.

So I am meeting with this other therapist. One I found by happenstance when I was involved with Bro and the partition; they are in the same building as the atty I used.

To make a long story short, I don’t think she “gets” what the real scope of the problem is.

She can’t seem to understand what it means to be alone: I told her I have no next of kin — she can’t seem to get it I am isolated.

There is nobody at all now — and as far as family goes, it’s only 3 cousins who are left and I haven’t seen  them in years — you hear from them by phone or FB but man, it still is not family you are close to — she doesn’t seem to grasp that concept…

And is this possible? “everyone” is gone???

Isn’t this a problem indigenous to somebody much older, who might have outlived a child or spouse and other family members??

She is suggesting I go to meet up groups to get some friends??? Gee, I know about the meet up groups. If I thought they were a good idea, man, I’d have been there already, a long time ago.

Those meet up groups are like ships passing in the night — there also is no core group; that is to say, this is not an organization with a cadre of officers and a membership attached — and even so, I have belonged to groups like those: people come and go and the core group usually turns out to be a stale bunch. IT’s even like that with things like tennis parties, which used to be a major event for singles — you get the same group of people who attend those functions…usually they’re “paired off” with friends and you wind up feeling like an outsider.

I think also there is a fee to attend the event. They are all based in the city and the events are in pricey venues.

And any women who come to events or meet up groups usually are there for one thing: to meet some guy ASAP and to pair up immediately. You can tell which ones are desparate; you can feel it when they are there.:(

I saw this myself at those singles dances — all of the women looked alike: same black dress with the spaghetti straps, the same black pumps, the same shortish dark hairstyles and they all had a patina about them: all in a hurry to meet some guy.

(I was never a fan of those dances; I went to a bunch with that crazy girl I mentioned — the one who I told not to come to my art reception. This was wow, almost 20 years ago. The guys were fixtures — they use these dances as a social outlet; mostly they are talking to other guys who are “regulars”! —  and the women were too hard up. I saw nothing great about those dances at all)

She cannot seem to figure out what to do with the job issue, either.

I am looking for somebody older who is skilled with those who are out of work for awhile. I don’t know if anybody fits that bill. Unless you have been out of work yourself and unless you were out of work for awhile, you won’t understand where it is at at all.

I seem to be “Stuck” with this therapist. I don’t know who else I can call and “try out” — I would hate to throw my money away.

I wanted at least 3 I could compare and from that 3, I was going to take the one I felt the most comfortable with.

This counselor reminds me too much of this “for free” “therapy” group that I stopped into 3 years ago when this mess with the partition was starting up. They didn’t seem to know what to say or what to do. They didn’t understand what a partition was or why I would be suing a sibling.  See? An immediate failure.

I am coping with isolation, being uprooted, not being able to find a niche  where I am living right now (I told you guys I would NOT mix with anyone in this neighborhood) , I am coping with safety issues that this neighborhood has, no job, no next of kin — and I got uprooted not once but twice: when I left the house and when I moved to this neighborhood. Plus my poor dog is gone.:(

And there also is the issue of what happened to those 2 crazy “friends” that I used to have. That somebody took off and you have no closure just plain sucks. Not to mention it makes you mighty edgy and paranoid — you don’t know who or what could have gotten into the mix that caused her to jet.

An empty bench and no contact with anybody that is a friend. The silence is deafening in here most days.:( And that silence won’t end until I can bring in even one person that I would consider to have as a friend.

“These don’t sound like friends to me” is all she said.

No shit.:(

“Oh, you’re lonesome…”

Uh…..it is isolation that I am trying to grapple with. How the heck do you fix the fact that your bench dried up and now you’ve got nobody left as a friend???

I don’t know if this was bad luck or these 2 simply met their expiration dates or what it is but all I do know is that there’s nobody. I am now going to places alone and doing things by myself. There’s nobody to call and ask me how I am doing. No friendly voice at the end of the line nobody to say “let’s go here today” or “this weekend, let’s do such and such.”

(I have dozens of acquaintances, like I said — and I am afraid to get close to them as it is…who wants a friend with no job — and what the heck DO you say when they ask you “so what do you do for a living?” Expected you will have this friend for a long time and won’t they eventually say, “Why can’t this chick find a job? Why won’t she return to work?” You won’t be looked upon favorably.

I am trying not to come across like the 3 of us are 12 years old, or to make it seem like I am only there for a lonely hearts club meeting of sorts. The problem I have is immense — I want to nip this in the bud but now it’s a matter of wondering if you are wasting your time with the therapist you saw.

I had one meeting with her on Friday.

Plus there is the problem of being an older adult and being an older adult that has a chronic illness. What do you do when there is nobody at all in your corner? I have had 2 emergencies: nobody around to call where they’d be right over.:( Son of a bitch.:(

Finding new friends is going to be like dating…

And we all know how shitty dating is.

This will be no quick fix. No quick fix at all. You are weeding out the undesirable and weeding out those who won’t “work” for you. Time for me to be picky and choosy as all fark — I don’t want any more rejects or behavior problems.

No idea who else to call — I am at a loss. The universities here used to have a rolling fee counseling service available — that’s long long gone.

She may also think it’s just plain strange that I sued Bro. Suing a family member….uh, who does that, right???

These counselors also have to be ‘schooled” in what a partition agreement is…and why I had to do it. Already this is awkward and strange.

See where this is going?

I got slammed from all sides — over the last 3 years and especially over the last 12 months.

I am wondering now will I ever get restitution and help at all?:(

I concluded that I was doomed when Bro got into the picture, period — yes, as in the day he was born — and that the only thing that would have saved me from all of this would have been to marry somewhere in my 20s and still be with that guy. I’d have had a family — and probably kids — and more or less Bro would have been off my hands and somebody else’s frigging problem and not mine. What can you do?:(

Always a problem. My mother should have sent him off to a child psychologist when he started that nonsense in 5th grade. All of the lying started a couple of years after that. That merited intervention. She would not do it.

This is too good not to add: I just went to my “junk” email addy — which I use for certain things — and in that mailbox is a message from one of the meet up groups. They apparently won’t welcome you into the group unless you more or less ‘sit” for a 45 minute interview.

Good night, nurse….suppose you simply want to check out the event they are meeting up at??? This is a little invasive and asking for way too much.

So I am more or less “stuck” with that counselor.:(

I’ve become disgusted with the Daily News of late.  The newspaper has become a fount of left-wing propaganda, and they seem to believe that there is a special place in Hell set aside for Donald Trump.  The other day, Trump surrendered to the reality that running around and deporting all 11,424,767 illegal immigrants is probably not a practical course of action.  The News ran an editorial calling him out for flip-flopping on what had been his signature issue.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m ready to stop reading the News, and it was in that frame of mind that I read the headline on last Friday’s paper:

I was hoping for some cogent analysis of what was wrong with Trump: was there something I was missing?

Well, maybe.

The article is basically list of the things that the author believes he would be giving up by supporting Trump.  The top ten:

1. My dignity.
2. My self-respect.
3. My standing among family and friends, black or white, and anyone who has ever held me in high regard.
4. My future.
5. My children’s future.
6. Their children’s future.
7. My mind.
8. My soul.
9. All rational thought.
10. My lunch.

While it would be fun to ridicule this list, that isn’t my point.  The items that the author believes that he will lose by supporting Trump all relate to his feelings, and only very indirectly, if at all, to the candidate’s policy positions.  The author has come to believe that Trump is a dangerous bigot, and there is probably nothing that Trump could do or say to change his mind.

In fairness, it’s probably true that Trump’s candidacy, by going beyond the bounds of politically correct discourse, has encouraged the genuine bigots who are out there: they believe they’ve found a friend.  But that can’t be helped: if not for Trump, the bigots might have latched onto Ted Cruz or Jeb Bush.

*          *          *

Yesterday’s News put forward the notion that ISIS would rather see Trump become President, because they believe that a President Trump wouldn’t know what to do with them.

OK, this one I will ridicule:

• ISIS is, supposedly, the enemy. Why would we seriously believe their opinions on the American political process?  There is such a thing as disinformation.
• Our ‘strong and competent’ leadership has been running around and chasing their tails for three years or so now, with very little to show for it.
• The solution to ISIS is, in fact, simple. We created ISIS when we wanted to go after the Syrian government, but there was no political appetite for direct military action.  So we armed ‘the moderate rebels’ instead.  We need to stop doing things like that.

Wow.

I don’t know where to begin.

I am pretty sure I lost the last friend that I have left.

I have acquaintances a plenty but as I said: my circle of friends has always been small.

I am not sure what happened behind the scenes but I can suspect and surmise.

Hesitant to talk about it because I don’t want to sound trite or like this is a middle school girl’s zone.

Bear with me because all of this is going to sound crazy and maybe even silly  but please, this matters to me, so here goes:

Cast of Characters:
Pat – the friend and subject of this gripe
Debbie – former friend I had that ticket mess with back in April
Tina – somebody I parted ways with nearly 4 years ago (she moved away to a town maybe 30 miles from me some dozen years ago  and after that, Tina didn’t seem to want to continue the friendship. We more or less grew apart and I sort of lost touch with her. It more or less a became distant acquaintanceship 2 years after she moved away)
Now for the story:

I do not hear from Pat very much. We are not very close friends. We go to a movie every so often or grab coffee but that’s about it. We talk once a week.

The last time I talked to her was a couple of days after that event that happened here on Saturday morning, 3 weeks ago.

She’s got a bad situation with a very ill father. We talked about that 3 weeks ago. I guess I spent maybe an hour and change on the phone with her that day.

I called her that Friday; she did not ring back.  I finally reached her on Monday and we spoke briefly. She ended the conversation with “I have to go; I’m waiting to hear back from my mother.” I said goodbye and hung up.

I called there again on Friday of that week, no call back. Ditto for Monday and Wednesday.

There is no way she can be that busy with her father.  Something is wrong here and I think I know what it is…get ready, because this is going to sound crazy:

Flashback to last fall.  Pat said to me, “How is Debbie?”

I said “Okay, I guess. I talked to her a couple of days ago” and then Pat said, “Does she ever mention Tina? Because Tina hasn’t called me back and I am wondering if she is mad at me…”

I said “Tina?? Debbie and I are out of the loop on that one; we haven’t spoken to her in 3 years…”

Why would she even mention Tina? Pat knew about this mess with Tina when it happened 3 years ago. She knew I was not on speaking terms with Tina. So why is she even asking if Debbie has heard Tina say something about her?

I will bet you any amount of money that during that phone call last fall, Pat accidentally outted Debbie (as well as Tina too)  — and Debbie is thick with Tina again and has been since at least the fall.

And now I am wondering if the 2 of them have said God knows what to Pat and now I’ve got Pat leaving me out in the cold. As they say, stranger things have happened.

This no calls back stuff cannot be “because of her father.” My mother was in a hospital and was critical upon arrival; she was gone by Day 12 — I still made time to shop, do laundry and yes, call friends. I even had time to go to my local little mall and buy a few things on winter sale!

Albeit the calls would not consist of  a long conversation; I would have a brief conversation or leave a message.

So, no — this is not a “father” thing and no, I do not feel like a guilty little shit for saying it.

Something is weird here.

I don’t have a good feeling about this.

Why am I getting the idea that something happened behind the scenes and Debbie and Tina are involved in this?

Tina and last fall is a whole other story in itself. During that same conversation with Pat last fall, after I made the comment about being out of the loop with Tina, I said “gee, I was not even there at Debbie’s house that nightand I haven’t spoken to Tina in nearly 3 years but come on; that wasn’t right what Tina said about me” to which Pat replied “Tina doesn’t see that the same way.”

WHAT??? You are not even taking my side in this — you are siding with Tina???

I should have known and then and there I should have said, “Pat, listen: you and I cannot be friends right now. I’ve got to go” and hung up.

Maybe I didn’t say that but I did tell Pat about the rotten things that Tina said or did over the years — including how she was taking bets on how long my marriage would last — and how she said to me during the phone call I made, telling her that I and the spouse split up — “Well, if you want to meet a younger guy, I know lots of them. My boyfriend has a lot of friends who are younger guys.” Who the eff says this to somebody who’s poured their heart out and who is in a critical and sad time of their life???

I said exactly that to Pat…

And all she did was listen. No “this is terrible” and “this is not right” — to me, the silence means “I do not agree with you.” Eff that noyze.

I have concluded that Pat accidentally outted Debbie during that phone call last fall and that friendship with Tina is now happening again. Stranger things have happened and you know how secretive Debbie is, from what I told all of you. You think she’s going to tell me that Tina and she are friends again???

I never gave this a thought last fall. What am I supposed to do — read into everything? (and as it is Debbie has a lot of confidential information about me.  She’s really pissed at me and I would not put it past her to violate every confidence I disclosed to her)

And even if this is not Tina and Debbie or one of the other… something is terribly wrong here. You do not just stop contacting somebody. I doubt if this is a depression thing or a “I can’t bring myself to call Dude” thing.

And all this time later, Tina — nearly 4 years later — and you, Debbie, four months later — and you still both have your bats on for me and you’re both hell bent for slander and lies and damage???

How sick. How sick and how vile.

I feel just awful. How does one get along without friends? What do I do if I have a real emergency? there is now nobody I can call. What do I do when I need to get something off my chest or if I need to see a friendly face or hear a friendly voice?

I don’t think I am wrong. Something is terribly amiss here — now I have Pat vanishing on me. This is not like her and if I am right — c’mon, there is no such thing as not being able to call somebody sometime — why did she do it this way? She left me hanging with no reason behind it and no closure? Man, I am not even assured of what really DID happen here!!

And you went and you believed all of this — 100% and hook line and sinker — and you don’t even call me and say “Dude, listen; I heard something and I want to know if it is true” and then tell me what you heard???

This is what value I had to you, as a friend.

Has anybody here experienced anything like this?  Has anyone been high and dry minus a friend?

Over the last few weeks, I’ve had this odd nagging feeling — I never had a good feeling about Pat during those few weeks. Your gut has a funny way of telling you things.  I don’t care how crazy it sounds — somebody somewhere in Pat’s travels had to say something about me and Pat didn’t like what she heard. I suspect strongly it is  Tina and/or Debbie.

So this is what you do, you just take off and leave no closure behind it? You accept what you heard and I’m the shithead and culprit? This is what you do to a friend of 18 years?

And whatever it was that was said: how harmful is it to ME??? Suppose somebody said something really lousy that is not even true? This could be bordering on slander and defamation of character.

I thought Pat was so intelligent and so thoughtful. What is going on here? You were with me 1000% of the way all through that garbage with Bro and with me 1000% of the way during this past year that the devil himself sent me — yeah, and you felt oh so bad after my marriage ended —- and you felt oh so bad about my dog and what happened to him…you were allegedly so concerned about my nose bleed that sent me to a hospital and concerned last fall when I mentioned that speeded up heart rate thing to you…

And now all of a sudden, your ass is gone???

Your gut? how do you confront this person? All you have is a nagging bad feeling. Where does this leave you??

Again, this is not a “dad is sick and she has her hands full with him and she cannot call” thing. Gee, her father isn’t even IN a  hospital; he is home and they are still contacting physicians over in the city, trying to figure out what to do. My mother was dying in a hospital and I still called Pat and whoever it is that was in my loop!

All of this is enough to make you hate people.

And getting back to Tina: after I was told by Debbie that I was cursed out by Tina and Tina said a lot of rotten things about me, I picked up my phone and uninvited Tina to my art reception. How funny…Tina cared so much about me that she never called me immediately upon hearing the message with “Dude, what happened? You and I are friends; why can’t I come to your reception?”

Considering how undependable and wow, effing queer these 3 have been, this is no loss. I should have gotten rid of Pat, perhaps after that “Tina thinks otherwise”  statement.  You don’t have my back and you didn’t even say “This is my friend, cut it out”? How the eff old are you, really, Pat? And why is there no solidarity for me?    You let her run rampant and ramshackle over me? Why??

We’ve got 2 whole weekends that passed since I spoke to Pat — last weekend and this one — and not one sound out of Pat. Gee, I always thought that if a parent was dying you’d want to turn to your friends — yes I might be putting it in a  crass and shitty way — but it is very very odd that I can’t seem to raise her. I cannot be wrong; she’s gone and I have no reason behind any of it.

It’s manipulative and childish and just plain rotten.

You can call on your lunch hour or you can call right before you leave for work — Christ, you can leave a message saying you are okay.

I am upset. Find new friends? that will take awhile. I am nearing 60 so there are not that many meet-up things for people in that age category. I want friends who are intelligent and fun and are not hung up on the adult child/grandma track.  I more or less want women and men who are in the same boat as I am — perhaps have the friends as an extended family of sorts.

There is a divorced/widowed group that meets/socializes and is based in a church — I have never had any success with those groups. The people in them seem to be maladjusted and antisocial.

What a rotten 12 months this has been. I was prepared for the fallout with bro — I couldn’t let that garbage continue; that house would have been recalled by the town for nonpayment of taxes; that usually takes 2 or 3 years and this would have been Year 3.  So that house would have been gone by now. I at least had the option of getting it sold so it would not be a monetary loss.

I have no human factor at this point. And wow, the last time I saw Pat? My birthday — that was in October. So what did  I have here, a phone friend thing? That is awful.

I suggest I not tarry and get out there and start trying to meet people — but this is horrible. HORRID.  I feel like I am living inside some kind of Twilight Zone episode or a Lovecraft short story. You don’t even know why this person’s missing in action? And she calls herself a good Catholic? To the devil with her; you ain’t worth SHIT to me, lady.

You are up the creek with no paddle. There is no way you can ask this person what happened. I do not cross paths with her. T here’s not even a group we meet at or some common point where I’d encounter her fairly often where I would be able to say to her “Pat, what’s going on? where have you been?” I’m STUCK. and this MIA nonsense shall forever remain a mystery and so will it remain a mystery if she heard something about me. That’s the ONLY thing I can think of: somebody said I said something about her.

Lady, use your brain: would I ever do that to you???

….Or maybe she got sick of having a friend who has had too much trouble in her life. Gee, right now her friend is in a shitty  building with all Section 8 people and 2 of them are known mental cases. Poor Dude. Yes, Poor Dude but I can’t continue this friendship.

Is that where it’s at??

The loneliness factor is indescribable. I told you guys I cannot and will not mix with this neighborhood. I can’t really “make friends” with the neighbors — I see but 3 of them: that lady with the kids and the other 2 I told you about. There is “nothing” here for me.

Had things worked out in another way for me: I’d have bought a home years ago and moved to an actual locale where there’d be a lot going in it for me. I’d make the new friends and have the new experiences.

I didn’t want to come to this neighborhood — I have talked about this before. For the entire time being, I have only myself. And my options are getting out there and doing something each day and finding things I can attend where I can at least talk to people.  As for the friends? that takes time to nurture the friendship.

So I am uprooted yet again and for whatever reason it is, Pat’s gone.  I have no substantiated reason why and I am guessing I never will — it will be open to debate and I can only guess at what happened. Though I think “She heard something about me that involved her” is a very very good guess.

Suggestions or aid? or anything??? I need it badly.

Kind words will help, too. Thanks.

Not a formal complaint, just to see where all of this with that neighbor is at.

On Monday, at about 6pm, I hear a knock at my door.

Who else knocks, right?

I went to the door (did not open it) and asked who was out there.

Neighbor identified herself and then said “do you still live here?”

I told her to go away and that if she bothered me again, I’d call the cops and I added “Just what is it you want, anyway?” She replied hurriedly “nothing” and went into her apartment.

Yesterday I saw the cops. To tell them what’s happened and just to ask them what’s what.

Turns out they seem to know her well. “We deal with her on a daily basis; she has mental problems and she is in a protection program. She is harmless. We will tell her not to bother the neighbors.”

I asked if anybody else occupied that apartment and he said “No; she is there by herself.”

Why in the world did Landlord tell me she lived with a guy, then….and why did he say the guy was in and out, all the time, spending time at his mother’s place???

I think I remember mentioning that I never heard another voice coming out of there or heard another person’s footsteps in there, not at any time at all after I moved in. I also heard nobody but her when I was here that week when I was cleaning and p ainting .

It’s been quieter in there than the proverbial mouse, when she is not occupying that apartment. It was fantastic for that 2 weeks when she was not here at all.

I can’t see how she’d be in a protection program. Wouldn’t somebody, like a caseworker or social worker or maybe even a probation officer of sorts, come to her place at least once a month to check on her? Wouldn’t they have to also see her apartment, you know, to make sure she can handle living on her own, if there’s enough food in it and so forth?  I am sure she has to take medication — who checks on that? Nobody’s shown up at her place.

This is a shitty building for somebody in a protection program.

This is no neighborhood for anyone. I also told them everything was shaky enough as it was, being this neighborhood is not a good one and there have been lots of incidents since I moved in.

I wish I could have had other options and a better place to move into. I was under the gun as it was; I could not stay where I was indefinitely and seemed that apartments were in short supply. IF there was anything available, it was too large, too expensive or the realtor wanted a background check and a whole employment history.

This is a whole year since that other mess has been over. I am not happy; nothing seems to be getting better. There are no other opportunities for me.

I asked my cousin what the job prospects were like out in California; she more or less said not that great. I can scratch that idea; I can’t and won’t move to an area where I am not guaranteed a job. It would defeat the purpose of the whole thing. If there were jobs, I’d head out there; I’d also have the benefit of family living nearby.

So my only choice is to hang in where I am living right now. I don’t see anything else “out there” for me; I tried registering with realtors and they didn’t pan out; one of them never called me back when I called her 2 weeks ago to see if there was any progress with an apartment for me; another one had me lined up to see a place — I called him 2 days later to see what time they planned to meet me the following afternoon (they were going to meet me at a central locale and I was going to see the apartment)…and he never called me back. Odd.

I never mentioned a dog so it wasn’t that. I told him I was open to a 3 room apartment in any town in this area. Beats me why he never called me.

Isn’t it funny how absolutely nobody is talking about “Steve from Virginia”….

But everybody wants to hear what the Kardashians or Taylor Swift or Kanye have to say.

Isn’t it funny how the topic of “Steve From Virginia” left the scene the second the news coverage ended. Nobody is even discussing amongst themselves who he is, whee he came from, why he did it or anything else.

Poof…. just gone.

The owner of the building didn’t even mention the climber.

How odd. He didn’t weigh in with the press or issue a statement…and you can bet your hat he didn’t meet with “Steve from Virginia,” either

(He no doubt is in a federal prison and not likely we will hear from him, or about him, again. I watched his youTube video; he didn’t have much to say. He’s a youngish guy, about 25 maybe)

My point is this: we have become brainwashed. We no longer demand answers nor do we have a quest for any kind of knowledge, nor do we ask “what was really behind that climb? What’s his game?”

This is on the job interviewer 100% of the way.

And with companies run as shoddily as this one, they are the ones who are nobody to work for. Don’t blame yourself if you never hear from them again.

I would NOT work for this company if you gave me a trillion dollars and man, I can sure use the cash. This place was worse than the last 3. Yah, it’s been some month.:(

Another interview yesterday. I was leery about attending, considering the first 3 were wild goose chases.

I found the job ad by accident while I was doing a search for something else.

I decided to attend anyway and if they asked me for my salary requirements, I decided to say it/write it with GUSTO. No way I was going to hesitate after that last silly bunch last Tuesday. Know your worth.

I got there 15 minutes ahead of time. When the interviewer, somebody by the name of Mary,  contacted me she told me I’d be there 15 minutes; it would be a screening interview.

Gee, Mary — you could have done this by phone.:(

First question I was asked by Mary: “How long did it take you to get here?”

Looks like she did not even read my resume.

She couldn’t have — anybody knows the town where I am coming from is about 11 miles and perhaps 20 minutes away!

This was already the end of the ball game but I decided to stay around.

She also asked me “Are you currently employed?”

If you looked at my resume, you’d have known the answer to that question…no, I do not think this is a “let’s see if I catch her in a lie thing.” This is somebody’s error (not reading a resume before I arrived) plain and simple.

Other questions I was asked: are you married. Do you have kids. Do you have health insurance coverage from your husband.

My goodness: why are you asking me these questions? You didn’t even say “We are not asking to be sexist but we are looking to see if you will be needing coverage for your dependents.” And even so, you can say “Coverage for employee only” or “We cover the spouse and dependents” whichever applied and SKIP asking me personal questions.

Husband? Gee, maybe I have a wife!

Not so LGBTiqq2s friendly or broad minded, I see.

A bunch of general questions followed — we got on the subject of shipping and logistics and I mentioned I did a lot of that in one of my past jobs. Again, she proved 100% she did not review or read my resume — because if she had, she’d have noted the logistics and maybe written it down.

She looked at that section of my resume and that was it.

A second interview and you’re required to bring 3 references with you. Yeah, even if you are not the choice which means more of your sensitive info is lying around. (I will only supply an email address for my references but it is still the principle: don’t ask for a list of references if you are not going to hire the candidate)

This is going to be another “I asked for too much money” thing — there is but a week’s vacation and 5 sick days and that means the pay is terrible. I have never seen it fail.

“We have been looking for awhile…”?

Why hasn’t the job been filled? The ad that I found had an August 1 date listed and I am sure that is not the first time the ad has run. Very curious. Most likely everybody wants a livable wage and this bunch is not keen on supplying it.

I know I am not “running against” another candidate. I found the job ad by accident and I sent that resume on Saturday evening. On Monday I got a call from Mary and she pushed to get me in there for an interview next day (yesterday).

Stupid and silly little people like these actually exist. And I can imagine the mistakes she makes on a daily basis…but yet they want detail oriented. Haha, probably to pick up after HER and fix her errors.

I just did a google search for her. Led me to LinkedIn and she’s got a silly little certificate in horticulture. Listed that as her “education.”

I also wonder if she is the owner’s girlfriend or maybe even his wife. She also reminds me too much of that little sneak that was the operations manager at my last company. This is all bad news and doesn’t bode well for anybody who gets the job.

I know companies like these — I worked for too many of them and all of them have ended horrendously for me. I would not accept this job if it was offered to me. I know I will only be there a handful of months or maybe a year, if I am lucky. I will guess, though, that my “big” salary requirement got me out of the running. Guessing I am safe.:)

Notice she mentioned no more benefits other than that puny week off and 5 sick days. No 401K, no profit sharing, no nothing. They don’t go for ice water.

She also left the door open and a gent who was there (who was very nice to me) got to hear the whole inerview. Gee, do I need him hearing my salary requirement? Unless he is a bookkeeper and in charge of payroll…but I doubt it.

It is them and not us. How sad for us all. Looks like all that is left are companies that want somebody for cheap. YOu will get what you pay for.

I often talk about my experiences with employment and all the problems I’ve encountered. I’ve discussed the sexism, ageism, immigration and every thing related. I’ve discussed how I am skilled and come so close, only to get rejected. What I rarely, if ever, discuss is how someone like me got here.

Let’s go back to my junior year in high school to see what went wrong.  My junior year I was an impressive student with honors classes, a high GPA and a letter in cross country. I was considering a career as a psychologist and had the grades to do it. I enjoyed journalism and many other activities but figured they would be just hobbies. Except Spanish, I was figuring with my very high Spanish grade (I would be promoted into the honors Spanish program) that could be my major. I started getting flyers from colleges galore and many were already starting to come visit me at school.

However, I started getting recruited by the military branches and considered going into the reserves or ROTC. The Air Force in particular kept calling me to offer me a ROTC scholarship. Stupidly, I fell for the navy. The navy didn’t offer me a scholarship, nope, instead they told me I was too stupid to get ROTC or reserves and the only way I would get in the military was as enlisted. I enlisted, to the dismay of my school counselor and my parents who all thought I was better than that for lack of a better word. I would go to pre boot camp meeting where both ROTC students and enlisted students were and noticed something funny: the kids in the ROTC were in my classes, the enlistment kids were not (they were mostly remedial kids). This should have been my clue but was so brainwashed by the navy telling me how wonderful boot was and how you got lots of money for nothing and I could start college right away paid for! My thinking was after boot I could then attend college but they don’t tell you this may not happen.

In another post I will discuss what did happen in boot but let’s just say I was not the best recruit. Ever see Private Benjamin? Sort of like that. I did get a medical discharge so while I was at boot a month I did get money.  I was discharged in May and as it turned out got out a week before high school graduation (I graduated that previous January). I was able to attend my graduation and the senior athlete breakfast. Of course because I turned down scholarships and colleges (thinking the navy would take care of this)this meant I couldn’t attend college in the fall. So that fall I saw my classmates all leave for school while I was stuck at home working a variety of horrible jobs. The worst was when a childhood friend came into McDonalds where I was cashiering and talking about her scholarship and her happiness. Like her I was in the top 10 percent of the class but made a foolish decision without thinking.

So that summer I had some extra money and decided to take a class in psychology at the local community college. I got bored because it was summer and who knows why but didn’t reach my full potential. I decided to go back to school but found I waited too long for financial aid. I waited for the following fall and found I received a full scholarship,  including books, and a stipend. I discovered community colleges really like honors students because so few go there. I attended a full year and did mostly well except for a conflict with my job at Venture during the fall season. By the following season I was modeling which fit perfect.

The following fall I decided to go to a school about a half hour away and since I didn’t have a car, to come home on weekends. Because I was a bit older than most sophomores (I should have been a senior at this point)I didn’t fit in. By now I had switched from psychology to communications and had a radio show. I lasted there a semester and I returned the following summer (the one about 18 months later) to  the community college to take several classes. The winter after that I started broadcasting classes at an art college known for their program. I attended for a year and didn’t return for a few years due to money issues. In the meantime I worked in radio, and public relations and modeled and took more summer classes at the community college. When I did return to the college to finish my degree I was two semesters shy of my BA. I finished it, and decided to go for a MA in communications. By this time I was still working in radio but not as much because there weren’t as many jobs. However I thought with a MA it would give me options. It actually did, I got offered several jobs, and took the one I now regret.

As it turns out, I am returning to the school where I received my MA and getting a degree in counseling. Since I attended over 12 years ago it has gone from a commuter college mostly with older students to one where they now have undergrads and dorms. Incidentally, the art college I mention did the same thing and the second time I attended felt weird because of it. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had I stuck with my original psychology major and chosen better job wise. I like to think I would have attended college on scholarship and now be in god financial shape. I also wish I had realized that I had plenty of options, only I didn’t see it at the time.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/08/03/politics/donald-trump-paul-ryan-john-mccain-election-2016/index.html

And this is who the masses wanted?

In another interview elsewhere,  he was asked about abortion. “I am pro-life” he said and when pressed by the interviewer what he should or would do, all he kept saying is “they should  be punished….Oh I am pro life…” He went on and on in a circle on the same kick all throughout.

That clip is on You Tube; you can find it if you wish.

So what is he planning to do? get a list of who has had a TAB and then round them up…or something??? This is sickening. Truly sickening.

That info is highly confidential due to HIPPA rules. Who knows what he’d do to obtain it?? And what about the women who had abortions in the days when it was illegal???  (ask my bio prof about that, what he saw when he was an RA in a large well known Midwest university. The girls used Vanish and Drano and soft drinks to induce the abortion. Most died or were in poor medical shape when all was said and done)

(Possible also that he is just talking out his arse just to say something and either way, this just sucks. You wonder why other countries laugh at us — They have even more of a reason to laugh at us now, thanks to him)  

What do we do if he wins?

There is a chance, yanno: 50-50 by virtue of the fact only he and she are running (no third party will have a snowball’s steamin’ chance in hell)

How many more a-hole comments is he going to make? What’s the intent and purpose here? to further divide us all?

There is zero chance he will be pulled as a candidate: it just isn’t done.

Neither he nor she is qualified to run for President. She was under investigation and was  permitted to do so, run for President? There was no lengthy Congressional hearing — no lengthy anything — just a cameo appearance by the FBI who  swiftly concurred “nothing wrong here, folks. Let’s move along.”

And now he is asking — 2 or 3 times during one conversation — why we cannot use nukes if we have them.

Is it possible he is this stupid? This crazy??

What’s going on here, really? Why is he the candidate? Did somebody “pick” him and made sure he got the nom, or what?

That little gem of his wide-eyed and breathless-as-a-superfan innocent little question is in the link below:

Trump Asks, ‘If We Have [Nuclear Weapons], Why Can’t We Use Them?’

Who keeps the republic safe??

It is quarter of 5 in the morning as I key in this post….

I am drifting in and out of sleep — I do not sleep clear through the night anymore — and I hear a voice outside my door.

Now I am wide awake. I looked at my beside clock.

It is 3:45 am.

What the hell? I said…

And with that, I hear a knock at my front door.

I got up and headed to the door.

I looked through the peephole.

Who, of all people, is standing on my landing: why, that same woman I mentioned in prior threads. I referred to her as Odd Neighbor; her name is Jane…or so I thought [and more on that a bit later…]

Ordinarily I’d have ignored Jane, particularly at quarter of four in the morn,   but after she pulled the “I locked myself out” incident in June, it is likely she will knock all night. She knocked on my door for 45 minutes that afternoon until she went and got the guy from the back apartment to jimmy the door open for her.

I said “Who is it?” (I did NOT open the door)

It’s Jane.

She goes,  “I can’t get into my house.”

I said — and angrily — “I cannot help you with that. Wow, it’s quarter of 4 in the morning!”

“Quarter. Of. Four.” I heard her say.

I snapped,  “Yes; it’s quarter of FOUR! ” I added “I cannot and will not help you break in.”

To this she said nothing; presumably she left.

10 minutes later, I hear people coming up the front hall steps.

It’s her…with a cop! .The cop rattled her doorknob and said “I can’t help you with that…”

They headed down the stairs and then outside; there was some indistinguishable chatter (I didn’t hear any of it except “garage” because a streetcleaner, of all things, came up the block and drowned out the whole thing)

Well, it is quarter of 5 and she is outside, still roaming the streets! I just saw her heading down this block and to this building; she was outside talking to somebody (herself, I think)  and then I didn’t hear her anymore.

That guy next door is still away, then. No way she is house sitting or watching the place until he returns — he’s been gone 2 and a half weeks; what the heck is she doing here, at this hour?

I have a good mind to call that landlord and tell him what happened. Nobody sane  knocks on a neighbor’s door at quarter of four, period.

What kind of a comedy is Landlord running? This is even more hilarious than the primary election we just held!

And a cop came to the aid of  somebody who is locked out of an apartmentt??? And he didn’t ask her for an ID. Really, is he kidding???

These are cops, not a concierge or a locksmith! I think they still come to help you when you are locked out of your car, but not your home.

Around 6:30 she came back and let herself in. The cop must have told her to use an ATM card or something (it works in a pinch; I have tried it) …. because no way did any locksmith or anyone else come to open that door.

Absolutely insane. This ain’t an apartment sitting thing. She is now here round the clock and to me, she is unlawfully in somebody’s apartment; you are if you are here at quarter of 4 in the morning . Then again, seems as though when you have the key you can do what you want…hahaha, I learned that through the trial of fire with Bro!

5:13 pm: My goodness, how interesting…

I waited until 8:30 am and then I called Landlord and told him what happened.

He said to me, “Are you sure this was Jane?” He paused and said, “Jane lives in another part of the building.

I gave him Jane’s description.

He said, “That isn’t Jane; that is Nancy; she lives in there with John Smith; Jane lives in another part of the building.”

Then he said “I am trying to evict her.” Really? Trying? All he has to do is DO IT.

A little backstory — and this is how I found out her name is not Jane, the name she gave me…. 4 1/2 months ago, when I was set to move in, I got only 1 key. That is the key to the front and back door.

I am guessing in the confusion of upcoming surgery, he forgot to give me the other 3 keys.

I now need 3 more keys: one for the top lock on the back door, one for the top lock on the front door (both doors have 2 locks and that one key opens only the bottom lock to both the front and back doors) and one for the front ground floor door. This is the street entrance to the front of the building.

I live on the second floor in the rear; that door leads from the street to the second floor and my front door is the door I had the one key for. I did not have the key to the street level door.

Landlord was having surgery so he was not available to deliver the rest of the keys to me.

So here it was, 2 weeks before I was to officially move in (He told me I would have the last 2 weeks in March free of charge)  I decided to pick up the ball — I  called his  wife and told her what I needed: the key to the front door (I figured skip the other keys for now; the front door is essential). “You can borrow that front door key for the ground floor entrance; make a copy. Knock on the door of the apartment next to you and ask for Jane.  She lives in there.  She’s really nice. Borrow the key from her, make a copy and bring the original back to Jane.”

OKay, sounds like a good idea.

I went over to the building (The front door was locked) and by coincidence while I was in front of the building, this very tall thin and nearly skeletal woman was crossing the street. She came over to me and stopped.

She’s looking at me and not saying anything.

I said, “Do you live here?” She said yes. I said “Are youJane?” She said yes…and I told her what I needed.

“Oh, I can’t do that. That key belongs to the guy up on the second floor and I do not live here. This is his key.”

So here is why I thought she was Jane, and not Nancy…and why did she tell me her name was Jane and why did she say she did not live there????

Apparently she (Nancy) is living with that guy in the apartment next to mine.

She is not his companion who drops in and she is not housesitting whilst he is away…but nonetheless, you can see what I’ve got here: a nutcase. Can’t even give her right name??? I distinctly said “are you Jane?”

I am guessing Landlord’s wife has the tenants mixed up., But still…I’m telling him it’s Jane and I could have gotten Jane into a lot of trouble, thanks to Nancy!

I don’t know where  Jane’s boyfriend John Smith is; apparently he is not in there. He’d have opened the door for her, am I right? So no, he is not on premise.

As I said, that apartment was empty for 2 weeks and I am guessing he is still away at wherever they are and she is back here by herself…maybe??? If he was in there, surely he’d have come to the door.

Screw this….I had plans to move out anyway. I can’t stay here.

This whole building (and also the neighborhood)  is like a British farce.  There sure are enough doors and enough oddball events happening here for it to BE an English farce!

If I find out there is a Brooke Ashton, a Freddy Fellowes or a Poppy living here, I’ll lose my shit. hehe

I felt like a fool explaining this mess to Landlord (he sounded concerned) and felt like a bigger one after I explained to him how I thought Nancy was Jane! Well, Nancy was the one who said YES when I asked “are you Jane” — right???

How strange, all of it. Very odd and sorry, too much. You do not knock on a door at quarter of 4 in the morning  unless it is the direst of emergencies! It would have to be the building is being evacuated or perhaps somebody in there is ill and needs help and even so, you can call an ambulance! Why are you bothering me at 3:45 am; you can’t get into your house? Not my problem!

She has knocked before at odd hours – 6 am and 7 am —  and I refused to get the door. I had to ask her what she wanted this morning otherwise she will knock for another 45 minutes.

Dreadful.

How odd she never called Landlord in June; you lock yourself out, you call the landlord, no?

There is a Wendy’s up the block she could have sat in, until 8 am or so, when she could have called either Landlord or a locksmith. Why she never called the landlord in June is mighty odd.

I’ve got my feelers out for a couple of apartments, both are far less expensive than this joint.

It will be interested to see how this plays out. And maybe I should have called a cop when she was knocking this morning.

I’ve come to the conclusion I cannot stay in this building.

Some backstory: I took this apartment on half a moment’s notice because where I was staying was a king’s ransom. It was a do or die thing and I looked at a few apartments before this one and had no success. Too expensive.

This is a commercial building that consists of 10 apartments and a chiropractor. I am in the rear on the second floor. I have a back entry and a front entryway.

3 apartments are in this third of the  building. I and another resident are on the top floor; a youngish guy lives in the apartment at the front.

There is another neighbor who resides in a ground floor apartment; he is right under my apartment.

This neighborhood and building are not good.

I have had relatives living in this town for decades — my aunt and grandmother lived about 10 blocks west of here — and I had no idea that this quadrant of town was flat busted.

Most of the residents are Section 8. You can see it in the houses and you can see how seedy things are…and this whole building is Section 8.

I was more or less desperate to get out of where I was.

So I moved here…and I thought I’d be out and gone by September (very long story and my plans are not going to pan out where I can be out of here by fall) Not going to be out in September.

It is questionable and dangerous here, I believe:

1-Drunken kids arguing under my window. One of the drunk punks lives across the street. Funny how one of his parents never came outside and told him to get into the house.

2-Some Hispanic guy in a car, parked under my window. I could not see him but I cold hear him, screaming at somebody in murderous Spanish. I heard “pinga” and “mericon” and I heard thumping and banging, all this while he screamed blue murder in Spanish. Was he hitting somebody or was he banging something in that car out of anger??? I did not know.

The screaming went on for 3 minutes; I called the cops. I should have dialed the local cops directly; I called 911 and got a switchboard that Iguess is for the group of towns here. by the time the cops came, they were 10 seconds too late — the guy started the car and left and 10 seconds later, the cops got here.

3-People across the street had a party on 4th of July weekend and at midnight as the guests were leaving, the departure of the guests turned into a screaming match between a guy and a girl. He kept screaming at her to “get in this car…” And it went on for a good half hour. No lack of four letter words, either.

4-Odd neighbor that lives here, in this building. I avoid her like the plague. My thought is she is dangerous, too.

5-And the guy under me in the other ground floor apartment screams. Loudly. And I hear him possibly banging or throwing furniture. I think he is in there alone; he seems to be disadvantage. Why this guy is living on his own, I have no idea.

More backstory why this place is just the pits:

Back in April, there was a bag of trash and a chewed up box in the vestibule.  The box was flat and behind the vestibule door.

Nobody laid claim to any of the items; we are 3 residents in this section of the building that uses that front vestibule.

That trash has been here since I looked at this apartment and that was February 29. I suspect it was there for years.

Nobody has claimed it or thrown it away. Apparently they jut walk around it and past it.  Lots easier than tossing it out. (and also a big box of gadgets from Verizon — unopened — with the name of a former female resident on the shipping label.)

About a month after I got here, I asked Landlord if I could toss the stuff out.  He said yes.

Odd neighbor didn’t like this; she cornered me outside as i was taking out the trash — and claimed that the chewed up box was hers and gave me hell about “how can you just move in here and just throw things away.”

I was outside of the  building when she said all of this. I reached for my house keys — they were in my pocket — and she asked me “Do you have a weapon in there?”

I reported this to nobody. Because I would look like the bad guy. that’s why.

After the “have you got a weapon” inquiry, she huffed and puffed and then  vanished into the apartment next to mine and called me wow, about a thousand different names, including “helldog.” What the  hell is a helldog??? anyone know???

After that, I avoided the front entrance; I enter and leave using the back entry — she is always here; she lives in the other half of the  building but she is a fixture with some guy who is my next door neighbor.  I don’t know if this is his girlfriend or what but no matter: I avoid her like the plague.

When I’d leave out my front door that leads to the street, she’d be on it in a flash: that door to the apartment next to mine would slam open and she’d watch me leave. She’d do the same upon my arrival…

And did the same when I had Verizon here and a furniture delivery here: the door opened and she’d stand there and watch me and whoever it is.

See why I avoid her?

I justr asked Landlord if I could have a dog for protection and I told him there were questionable happenings here. He got kind of rude about it and said “No. Not here. Insurance purposes…”

But he’s got a stress fracture a good inch wide and a good 3 feet long, in the front vestibule…and the back steps that I am now using to enter and leave is…scary. Needs a painting and he fixes nothing.

That front hall was a pigsty. I had to be the one to vacuum it (Odd neighbor asked me why  I was vaccuming it. WHY as in “Why are you doing it” or why as in “It’s hella clean, why bother?” Good grief, chick…go away!) and this hall reeks of smoke, courtesy of Odd Neighbor.

It took me weeks to get him to get me moulding — the wall to wall was replaced with vinyl tile and there were actual holes in the wall where the carpet was, after the carpet was torn out .

His handimen are not the best. They are no shows or they don’t answer their cells.

Nor are the people in this building.

And I really really want a dog. I can’t go without one.

I am giving serious thought to looking for another place to live, starting in January — it will take me awhile to find a better place.

It would have to be relatively cheap, in a good neighborhood and a dog would have to be permitted and NONE of this pet fee shit, either. Bastards all think every dog is dangerous or bites? Bullshit….CATS are not the greatest to keep around: the apartment will never be free of that cat stink, even long after the cat people are gone. No matter how scrupulous you are about a litter box, you still get that cat smell.

So sorry I came here. And let me guess….

IF I had my dog, I wouldn’t get this shit apartment, either?

I am sad enough he is gone — there is a hole that exists — these people do not get it a dog is a family member.

Going to start looking. Enough is enough and I’ve had it with this place…

And oh yeah, I am not getting all of my mail and nobody can seem to figure that one out, either…

So I have come to the conclusion that I have two worthless degrees in communication. I have been unemployed a long time and the fields I do have experience are increasingly harder to get into and notorious ageist. Okay so I decide to go back to become a counselor because there are jobs in this field (I am specializing in addictions which interests me and I know). I am waiting to see if I get a scholarship and I can get a possible job at a social service agency that pays horrible but gives me some money and experience.

Great you say? Mostly but I’ve run into a snag. Because my undergraduate was communications I have to take 9 credits of undergraduate credits that won’t transfer into the degree. Okay since I don’t have my degree I get this. However, I found out that I have to take an undergraduate research class. Did I mention I took a GRADUATE research class? yeah apparently that’s not accepted but the undergraduate class (where I won’t get credit)is. At least it’s only 12 credits which can be done in one semester. I originally checked into being a teacher and would have had to take another math class, two science classes and a few other classes amounting to an extra year of school. I think most of these can be taken online so I don’t have to deal with other students. The school originally was mostly older students (the average age was around 40) but now takes undergrads and quite simply younger people often annoy me. I know, once I take these classes I can go onto the other classes but having to take 4 classes is going to drive me crazy.

And the lot of you are just as bloody insane as ever, I see.

And perhaps even more so.

5 hours after I left the first interview, my phone rings.

It’s that interviewer.

“Hi, Dude…this is Ms. X from the X company. I’d like to thank you for coming in….”

I can tell by her voice what the deal is.

“Calling to say we hired somebody a little more suitable.”

She spoke the rest of her piece and rang off.

You’re utterly kidding. You are calling me 5 hours after I left your interview to tell me I did not get the job?

How tacky. How uncalled for, how uncouth and how “it’s simply not done and you could have waited until MONDAY!”

Btw, what happened to the second interviews you mentioned, when I was there? I guess that was a lie, too.

Here is what I saw at the interview:

The job was typical office work. The company was a realty company.

The job entailed running what’s pretty much “the whole thing” — this was a 2 person office (excluding the ancient receptionist who misheard my last name albeit I slowly and distinctly pronounced it, within a foot of her).

There was too much work for one person — that “one person” being who is hired for the job.

There is also a mound of paperwork that is attached to the job — mountains of insurance-related paper work and nothing but paperwork surrounding  that?

And when the owners come in, they bring lots of work, more or less. Plus it’s be Ms. X’s assistant. Another 2 fer one job. Wonderful.

The company’s purpose is condo association realty, repairs to the buildings and a third division who builds houses?

Then this company has the bucks. This is a job that should have paid at least 55K as the starting salary, minus experience. For somebody with a good chunk of experience? perhaps 60K — but who knows what they were paying?

This could have been a 30K a year job for all I know.

She also never mentioned the salary to me at any time during the interview. How can I possibly even consider the job if I don’t know what it pays?

(Is this something new: not disclosing the salary? is this now the norm and routine? or is this nondisclosure strictly reserved for those who are not in the running for the job? ) 

And perhaps I earn more right now — a great deal more — than what you are paying! Do not waste the interviewee’s time. Do what they used to do back in the day: state the salary when you run the ad or say what the salary is at the interview.

Called me 5 hours after the interview.

This reminds me of the time bro went to an interview and the next day, in the mail, here’s a rejection letter!

To tell you the truth, I ruled the job out because it would have been an hour and a half commute each way and the job simply was too much work for one person. Considering I didn’t hear anything that even remotely indicated I was a candidate for the job, I thought I was pretty safe to rule out the job, even if it was only on “my” end.

How are you ever a serious candidate if you never are told the salary?  Impossible that you are being considered.  Suppose they call, say you are hired and then they disclose the salary and it is way too low for you to consider? Waste of time all around. I cannot even see a company even doing anything like that.

The interviewer was over 70, also and she said somebody in there is retiring. Wow, how old are you all anyway???

So in essence I was rejected immediately. Who the Christ knows what happened here?

I had a second interview 4 hours later; this was a rep/account executive job.

The place was sad: they just moved into that building and to me, it looks like they can hardly wait to leave. There are 6 reps there now and you can tell by looking that this is perhaps a $15 an hour job.

Guy interviewed me at a conference table where 2 other people showed up after me to interview for the job! He doesn’t have an office or another section of the room where he and I can speak in private???

And you had to see the condition of the other 2 candidates: one was a much older woman who wore white leggings and a shirt that looked like it belonged in the trash. Send that slob HOME!!! HOME! There are inexpensive much more “interview-ey” articles of clothing you can buy in a Sears or a TJ Maxx!

I didn’t like any of this, either…and he also did not tell me what the job paid. He did say that they made X in sales and that the campus had a 3 shift operation (rare these days) — and when I started to ask him more about that, he clammed up and wouldn’t answer any more questions. How peculiar.

These were my first interviews in 13 months.

And what I got was more desolation and phoniness.

So.

What do I do?

Where do I go from here?

And to tell ya the truth, I couldn’t believe it: Ms. X had an intelligent, enthusiastic and efficient candidate right in front of her — you don’t want nice? or decent? or somebody with a proven track record???

And sure, when you talk up your skills, they’re all going to show enthusiasm when they are probably thinking “this stinks. How do I get rid of her?”

How very sad. For her, not for me.

She was not honest, anyway. Was there or was there not a second interview? Got another message completely different when she called to tell me I did not get the job; yes, what happened to “we are having second interviews with the owners of the company”??

And as I said: calling 5 hours later is tacky and just wrong. Wait until Monday: benny of the doubt.

I would also like to know what happened to the usual questions we were asked: Why are you leaving your job? Why did you leave the job before this one? What did you like about your company? What were your duties at your current job/ the job before that? How long were you there? Where were your companies located? Were they large or small companies?  How were you treated by your boss?

You are also no longer asked “can we get you coffee or something to drink?” You are no longer given a tour of the place — this is important to US! We’d like to see who is there and if things are neat and orderly and safe and what we can “pick up” as we make our way through.

A friend of mine is suggesting I call ms. X and ask her “how can I improve for my next interview” — right away they are thinking you are the one who handled it wrong.    She won’t tell me anything and it is likely that if I get her voicemail I will not get a call back. Out of sight and out of mind.

Too much work for that one person and a fleatrap, in that consecutive order. Wonderful jobs in our area. Just Wonderful.

I don’t think we can stop the shootings or “get” the shooters.

Gun control isn’t it. There will be a way to obtain a gun or guns illegally.

Ban a certain religious group? Won’t help. We have plenty of home grown nuts who are shooters.

And we will not ban them or inter them because we will piss somebody off.

They are also a fast growing demographic in the United States. I cannot figure out why: we are a secular nation and this simply is not home to them.

There is something “in us” — we have turned into a divisive and confrontational lot. Who knows why?

It will be the same thing over and over again: “oh how horrible” from person after person who hears or reads about it…the press will run the story and then there will be another shooting somewhere else. Will we get mad enough when the list of those dead is over a thousand? Uh, maybe.

How do we stop these shootings?

I can only guess how.

What I do know is this: if an entity shows up with a weapon and kills 2 or more people, that is a WAR, not just a shooting. We are at war with an unseen enemy: “how to stop the shootings.” And we are at war with every entity who shows up with his bats on for a person, place or thing.

Ole Omar was gay. He was a patron at Pulse quite a few times; he was boisterous and drunk on more than one occasion. The management recognized him.

He also was a regular on gay dating apps.

This was an anti-gay massacre, not an “I support ISIS” massacre. I’ll bet you ISIS doesn’t know Omar from Adam. That he called and pledged solidarity to them? Means nothing.

This was also a massacre of black and Hispanics. Fine young people who were going places…and lo and behold, straight women were in there also. One of them liked Pulse because she could be herself. (and you know how tough it is if you are a single woman and you ‘re looking for a decent place to go on a weekend night; we can’t find anymore places to go, either)
So what do we do?

Which way to go or what to do.

I will be 60 in October of next year.

I am guessing you can see which way this is going.

Nothing has turned up in the employment world for me — 2 weeks ago, I tried a bagel/breakfast shop; the “help wanted” sign in the window got me nowhere; never heard from them manager but he’s got all third world help in there…and that’s another story altogether.

The “help wanted” sign still remains in the window. I saw it on Wednesday when I was at the laundromat. (the sign was there for several weeks before I asked about the job so what the eff do these people want??? Are you serious about hiring somebody? or is this a game? Did the manager/owner forget to remove the sign; perhaps the job is taken???)

The full time job ads are few and far in between and I have no idea what criteria they are using to contact those they wish to interview. I heard nothing from the last 2 most recent places I sent a resume to. Those resumes were received end of April. This is now mid-June and nothing. Call to follow up and nobody returns your call. I left messages at both places 2 and a half weeks ago. No call back.

When I called, I was not happy with the way they handed the call. Willing to bet this is another little hole in the wall with employees who have been there since the Nixon Administration. Nothing progressive and nobody educated. Just another bunch of underpaid undermotivated and dumb little workers.

I found no information about them on the net, either. Just a link that gave the phone number, address and company name. There wasn’t even a website for both of them.

I do not know what criteria or qualifications apply anymore or how these hiring managers are deciding who is a candidate. All I know is the resume I used in the past — the resume that got me at least 2 interviews a week and in short time (I’d usually hear from the company anywhere from immediately to a few days after the ad was run) — is getting me nowhere now.

I need a plan for the immediate future.

Opening a small business without using a brick and mortar “headquarters” is iffy and dicey — you don’t have cash flow right away and no telling when you might. It is not a guarantee for “employment”

I have tried running a small business without going the brick and mortar route and have not been successful. I have a lot of artistic talent but wow, how do you get the word out and how do you retain customers?

I did a street fair 2 years ago. I had about 10 visitors over a 2 day span; there looked like there might have been some interest from about 5 of them but nobody ever called me to see about an order.

I did a business breakfast 2 years ago. Mixed and met with about 15 small business owners. Wrote follow up letters. No dice. Probably went into their spam folder.

And even if I had the money for a brick and mortar business — for the heck of it, let’s say that I do and I start that business tomorrow; let’s say I have the place all set up and ready to roll — I don’t even have a guarantee that that business will pay off or be a success. It takes time to build a business and takes time to retain customers and a following.

Even if I started that business tomorrow, they say it takes 3 or 4 years to establish it as a success. That would make me 62 by the time this thing got off the ground. This is the time when people are retiring. What am I supposed to do — work until I am 70 or older, to maybe break even or try to recoup the loss I had from these last many years of no job and that other disaster?

My town now has a lot of small businesses – lots of hair design places, jewelers, small restaurants, dog groomers, bookstores and more — they all seem to be alive. I don’t know about their customer base or how busy they are or what kind of a profit the business is pulling in,  There doesn’t seem to be a lot of companies that go out of business.

And I am supposed to try to see if this thing works for the next 4 years of my life.

Same thing if I signed up for a culinary arts class tomorrow: will anybody hire a nearly 60 year old cook, baker or chef?

You are perceived as not energetic enough to do the job. Sad and true fact. None of us are bronzed in the fountain of youth. We do not look like we are 22 or 23 or even 30. Or even FORTY.

BIG drawback.

And even if I got that bagel place job, I am sure that I will be working with those with a language barrier problem, the job will be very part time and I will be paid in one lump sum, under the table. …and I also can be let go at any time. Maybe an employee’s friend  or relative wants the job or things will be slow or a frigging thousand other things. (you also do not get to speak to the owner when you inquire about the job — lots of these owners possess more than one establishment and he or she may not even live locally! This is no longer the day where the owner slaves tirelessly in that establishment day or night or where his or her teenage kids also work there, too)

My age is now a problem to me.

Oh sure — you see all these stories about people who reinvented themselves and are now doing this or that successfully at a very advanced age. This is not the majority of us! We are in the minority.:(

I have no idea what way to turn or what to do. And I have had enough time pass by.

There are schoolmates of mine who are retiring! Yes, at 58!

Not to mention they are public servants and one has a husband who is a retired municipal cop. I don’t even want to go there on what kind of pensions the 2 of them have coming in between them. hearing she was retiring was like somebody took me and beat the shit out of me in half a second flat: forced to realize that I do not have that kind of wonderful luck — not to mention that I never had a job like that, where your job is solid and you cannot ever be fired —-  and never ever will. You ask yourself why life is like this. And YES you are resentful of these people, as nice as they are and albeit you grew up with them.

Also a painful reminder that seeing this person’s family at a retirement dinner makes you realize you’re screwed on that front, too: my damn brother doesn’t care where I am, or know where I am, or if I am okay — and my family members? 2 cousins, and both at a distance. They are not local. No family no legacy and I am all alone.  I don’t even know if I even have the chance to remarry and to tell you the truth: the thought of dating a guy my age is dismal and distraughtful — are they healthy? Do they have kids who will scream for their inheritance? Are these guys interested in marriage at all, at age 58 and up?

UGH.

I do not know which way to turn. I am out of ideas and solutions — potential ones, anyway — and none of them is a guarantee.

No ideas, no anything.

No interviews — the last one I had was over a year ago.

And no guarantees.

How sad.

Pray for a miracle — it’s all I can do. I don’t know how or where a full time job or a good plan for the future will turn up for me.  There are not even any companies from past interviews I can call and  more or less revisit and ask if they are hiring. Even former employers are out. There are 2 employers left out of all of them; one of them has a new owner and I have never met the guy. I cannot call and say who I am and can I possibly work there again — I also have not seen a job for that company in years. Possibly 9 or 10 years ago was the last ad that I saw: where are they getting their shop people, their welders and their engineers and where are they getting their office support people, if any of them quit? Not one ad has been in the paper.

I am at a loss.

Any suggestions would be great.

This is all about the same person I asked about some time ago. I decided not to be party to being lied to and mistreated and decided no to being treated shabbily.

This “friendship” is over.

As per my own request.

Here is what happened:

She had a birthday coming up. About 7 weeks ago I bought a ticket to see a Broadway show. I liked the show and thought that it would be an ideal gift for my friend.

I asked her when she would like to see the show. She picked the date — this past Saturday — and I ordered the tickets. They were at the will-call desk. Which means you pick them up at the box office when you arrive.

I was all set to have a great time in the city.

The last time I talked to her was Thursday of last week. We decided how we’d get into the city. (she ws going to meet me at the PATH).

Zoom ahead to Thursday, about 6:30 pm.

I was in the bathroom cleaning out the tub when I hear my cell phone ringing (I have a landline now and everybody’s been calling here  via the landline so I couldn’t imagine who this was at the end of the line).

I answered the phone.

it was her.

I said hello and I hear her say “I have to go see the baby on Saturday.”

I said “what are you talking about? what baby?” I was thrown wy off base and I had no idea what she was talking about.

And then she explains: her niece went into labor and gave birth on Wednesday — on Saturday the new parents wwere having a meet-and-greet for the new baby (at their home) and my friend said to me “….so I have to be there. I can’t go to the show.”

I blew sky high.  You made plans with me and you have a commitment with me and now you are ditching your plans with me???

More in a bit, but first this backstory:
 
Bear this in mind: also on the scene — since last June or maybe earlier is my guess — is this creepy guy she was dating a couple years ago. That ended badly; she showed up at my house on a Sunday morning in August, crying copiously and telling me how scared she was. They’d had some sort of fight and she said he gave her a lot of trouble.

I found out on Tuesday — by more or less putting 2 and 2 together during the conversation — that she was seeing “Sam” again. She lied about it at first and when she mentioned “where he works” I put 2 and 2 together and that’s where I lost my S.

She claimed everything was fine and she was in counseling with him, etc. “It’s not what you think,” she said.

What the heck does that mean, exactly???

I said “are you dating this guy?” Pause. “Well, sort of…” No ‘sort of”.  This has to be a fairly serious thing if you are getting counseling together with him. (and rebooting a relationship and getting counseling, with a person who is broken to begin with. Yeah, that sure is promising indeed) 

“BIG MISTAKE” I said to her…which is what I said 2 years ago, too. To this….she said nothing. She said nothing 2 Junes ago, too!!!

Now that you have that backstory, back to Thursday and how she couldn’t go to the show and why….

I got mad. “Wow,” I said, “I went through a lot of time and trouble and now you can’t go? I am inconvenienced! What do I do with the tickets???”

To this she says nothing. She more or less let me yell!

I rang off a short time later.

I called the venue on Saturday. I cannot get a refund; I have to use the 2 tickets sometime before early October.

So now I am stuck with 2 tickets to a show I do not wish to see at this point. I know nobody who wants to go.

While I had her on the line on Thursday, I told her to pay for her ticket — why should she get off scot free, right? She agreed to it.

Fast forward to today:

She emails me and tells me she’s going to send me a check for her ticket. And she signed off with “Love always.”

I waited about an hour and I requested of her that she pay for my ticket, also. (I did this with great reservation — I had no idea if I should or should not ask but heck; I paid for them and what do I do — eat MY $50???))

I did not use my ticket; I do not plan on seeing the show in the future. As I said I do not know if this is out of line to ask her to pay for both…. but then again, why should I eat $50?

She very kindly sent me a one sentence response: “Stop bothering me, you complainer!!!!!”

I did not want to start an email war — but I had to say it — I told her she was acting oddly since Sam arrived back on the scene and that I went through a great deal of time and trouble to arrange a special day for her; I also said that she did not honor her prior commitment with me and that that was out of line.

I also said the tickets were unusable.

She did not hollaback with a reply.

And….that was it.

This is the end of her.

Too many things have happened since January, really — she vanished for about 21/2 weeks right after the new year and she was out of the loop: never called me, no emails.  She did the same thing — vanished — for most of April. I called her and emailed her to say Happy Birthday and never got a reply.

And this is another thing — she has not returned my phone calls nor has she phoned me — and this has been going on since about the first of the year.

On Tuesday I pointed this out about the lax in returning my call — she had nothing to say to any of this.  The disappearing and no phone calls is odd and unsettling. (This almost sounds like the fly by night baloney some uncaring guy would pull on you)

I wonder if Sam is controlling her and there is possible abuse: he has a terrible anger management problem — that is why she called me in a panic that day in August a couple years ago.

I met him 2 or 3 times over the past many years (He was a friend of some former boyfriend of hers so she socialized with Sam and his then-girlfriend a lot; had him up to her house for parties and things like that.) and he did not seem friendly.  A friend of mine saw Sam and her in a mall a couple years ago and Friend said “They did not seem friendly.”

Whether or not Sam is the root cause of her behavior, who knows. I am not God or Father Flanagan or Sam’s case worker,  Sam’s CO or Sam’s shrink. And I am not Kreskin or a mind reader.

But I do know this:

I cannot permit myself to be lied to, treated shabbily, nor can I permit myself to be a Plan B or even a Plan C or Plan D. I refuse to allow myself to be hosed when I and somebody have a commitment to go somewhere or to do something together.  I can’t be anything less than a good friend that somebody is interested in being friends with.

I am not used goods or a tenth fiddle.

If I “keep her around”  I will get more of the same — the treatment will worsen. This is a fool me twice thing now, if I do stay around.

And I cannot trust her now: who knows what will be a lie or will be the truth???

Email her in a couple weeks to say ‘goodbye”??? Meh.

So so sad. I have not had a good many last years and I am still worn out from last year’s partition.

I am upset because my bench is not deep. I have never had a large circle of friends; I have a small one…but the circle seems to be decreasing more and more. Wow; my own brother doesn’t care to know where I live.:( How sad is all of this???

I was always envious of the girls who have had a “neat” friend since grammar school — they are friends allll the way up until now; were in each other’s weddings, there when the y each had kids and so on and so forth. I never had that kind of a friend. Never ever.

And are still friends now — their KIDS are marrying; they also became grandparents together with the “neat” friend! All of their kids got married the same time…and had children the same time!

My bench isn’t deep but I will not settle for less than the best when it comes to a friend. Let this chick keep it. She’s in the wrong… and if this thing crashes and burns with Sam again — as I suspect it will — up yer hole with a mello roll; I will not be available for you, former friend..

While we hear Trump’s rather creepy comments about illegals and Muslims, we don’t hear the real immigration problem. Sure, many illegals are taking jobs but they are taking jobs from the lower income part of society. That is a problem but not for everyone. With Muslims, yes many are coming for welfare and terrorism and taking jobs but in general we haven’t had all that much Muslim immigration throughout history. This is not to say neither situation is a problem but rather there is one that is overlooked: Indian immigration.

While I give Indians credit for being educated and having a very low rate of welfare usage (practically zero), especially compared to other groups, they are hurting our more educated. Like me. In the last 10 years (and yes I was actually employed while seeking a new job, and in fact I had been seeking a new job 2 years while working)I have applied at probably thousands, if not millions of jobs. I have lost track of how many actual interviews I had but no doubt it numbers in the hundreds. I’ve applied for anything really, even jobs I was extremely overqualified for. I’ve applied for every job I have fit to a t, every job I wasn’t sure I was qualified for, even jobs I felt I was unqualified for. The result? almost every job I had an interview for were the ones I wasn’t sure I was qualified for or those I felt I was under qualified. The jobs I fit to a T? Rarely did I get a call. Or I would get a phone interview if that. Honestly, I should have a job yet all I can seem to find lately are freelance jobs.

How does this tie into immigration? Well courtesy of search engines, social media and company websites I can usually find out who got the job. Almost every time I lost a job I found an Indian worker got it. I then see they graduated from an Indian university and it makes sense. Occasionally, I see other immigrants, like the one time I applied for a public relations job and that went to an immigrant from Brazil WHO COULD BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH. I know this because I saw her Linked-In profile and this was mentioned. Other times I lost to younger candidates but it has mostly been Indian candidates.

I have called various politicians and would you believe the Democratic Party actually told me it made sense because these are jobs needing to be filled? I told them they were jobs I could do and there was no reason to bring in visa workers. They used to be the party of the working class what happened? Ironically I called my then congressperson (a Republican)and his worker told me he was aware of the problem and working on it. Unfortunately my district was switched and our congressperson ended up being a leftwing crook who then went to prison and was taken over by a racist kook (racist as in she hates white people).

When does it get better for Americans? Why don’t people get that the visa workers move up the chain then hire more of their own, meaning less working Americans.

Not going well.

Here is the thing — I have mentioned this before — now it’s like trying to find a job.

The landlord wants your financial info and your employment info and they want a credit check.

I think I got bait and switched today.

I saw an apartment for rent and after I spoke to the guy and set up an appointment to see the place, I figured the rent was a touch too much but I thought I’d go to see what happens.

I saw the apartment — a scootch too much room for me (all I want is a 3 roomer or a studio).

When I spoke to the guy via phone I told him I was leery of the credit check along with the other personal info asked for: I told him I was afraid of identity theft and I had a means to prove I could pay the rent, up front.

He assured me that only that piece of info would be fine…

And hence the bait and switch. He gets done with the apartment tour and he says “Oh well there will be a credit check and you’ll have to sign a lease…”

I explained again why I would not be parting with my personal info and then he said “We had this guy who wanted to rent. He made over 100K a year but he didn’t pay his gas and electric…”

So what? Maybe it was an oversight or perhaps he had an assistant he entrusted tht to and somehow the utility never got paid; maybe he had a boyfriend or girlfriend who was supposed to be in charge of paying the bills and the payment never happened, etc.

I told him I wasn’t interested and I said goodbye.

Leery is right.

The landlord was not on premise. How about I meet this person first? Suppose after all fo this nonsense I don’t like the landlord?

How do I know how safe my info is? How do I know this guy won’t compromise it?

This is all too much.

I have to get out of here; I cannot continue to live here; it’s too expensive and I told you guys: I am isolated and there are no neighbors and the fact my dog is gone is creating even a bigger emptiness here for me.

I also would not need the place for a year, as it stands right now. I am not crazy about being locked into a lease.

Possibly baited and switched. Maybe he said okay to what I wanted to do to get me to come out there. I don’t know.:(

*sigh*

This is apparently the nucleus of my problem.

I am called as I am waiting to be interviewed. I get up, I say hello to the interviewer, that person does the same, we sit down and….

Usually within 7 minutes, the interview is over.

Or rarely, I get small talk, some information about the job and then the interviewer fills the rest of the interview time with catch me all go-through-the motions, information. And then the interview is over.

I never hear from these people again.

I can’t name the last time I had a real interview.

I am asked nothing but very general questions…and that is if they ask me anything at all.

Usually it’s “Hello; I’m Mr. Jones and nice to meet you. Well, here is what the job consists of…”  He gives me a description of the job that is being offered (like he’s reading the ad back to me) maybe some small talk about the benefits and then it’s “Well, thanks for coming in. We will let you know.”

If you are dismissed immediately: to me, this can mean only one thing: they do not like your looks.

I am not frightening. I am near 60 and I don’t know  what it cold be– is it my haircolor? ( It was too red and too phoney — I changed it back to what I more or less originally had) Is it what I wear? (I dress neatly and in interview attire)

I guarantee you I am not a blimp. I am not in the greatest of shape but a Sherman tank I am not.

I’ve got bags under my eyes that I can’t seem to  diminish, no matter what I try — I don’t know; maybe they think I get no sleep or I don’t look well — for love of God, I am out of answers and I have no idea why I am rejected immediately, when they see me.

And it is not a race or creed or religion factor.

ANd it is not a marital factor.

Nor do I wind up disclosing information about my family. Shit, nobody asks questions like that anymore. That usually happened in the 1980s.

I would not run an interview as a contest to see who ahs the best clothes or best figure or who is handsome or not. What’ sgoing on here?

The close second:

They want a much younger candidate.

The people who interview me are older — much older than me — maybe they figure a kid is easier to handle and easier to intimidate — I even tried to hide my age on my resume; I used a shortened form of my name so they can’t match my age to the decade my first name was popular in.  On my resume, I’ve also used my first 2 initials and my last name istead of my first and last name.

I cannot seem to get past “hello” and “if” I do, I never warrant a genuine interview. Like I said, it is small talk and then a “nice meeting you” and that’s all I get.

I can’t seem to avoid being dismissed. I don’t know what is wrong here. Ha; we can’t even blame this on better competition or “some other factor.”

Are there jobs available where specifically an older person would be welcome — or more or less required??? and  desired even more so than somebody even a decade younger?  “Mature” candidates? That’s a meaningless wording in a job advertisement.

I will be 60 in a bit more than a year and a half from now.  (and I don’t  believe I just said that.)

How can I end this turned-away-immediately pattern?

Does anyone know?

The rare interviews — I had ONE last year!! — is being destroyed by this turned-away nonsense. I need a cure all for this.