So I have recently discussed my job hunting, which has its highs and low. I discussed a questionable job that was eventually rescinded and after that I was offered a job I turned down because it was part time with no benefits, not many hours a week, and required a round trip of over an hour to work 3-4 hours. Even though I need money, something doesn’t seem right so I turned it down. Plus in the second interview the one guy yelled at me for answering something what he considered wrong.

Brings me up to now. I got a call for a marketing job and am going on my third interview on Friday where she wants me to meet her boss. It’s looking good plus they reached out to me and on top of it she told me another department wants me too! The place has good benefits for the most part (no pension but who does anymore?). However, the salary is so-so. I mean it’s not bad, but I’m not entry level and it’s less than I made 15 years ago. This is my big issue with almost all jobs now, most seem to be paying what I saw many years ago. One job that interviewed me 15 years ago wanted to interviewed me now and are actually paying LESS than 15 years ago! I see this often, I don’t see jobs even paying $40,000 now, heck I am happy to interview for jobs paying $32,0000 now, though I made more years ago. Years ago I hung up on places offering me “just” $35,000 and now would be jumping through hoops to make that. if I am offered this job (which does pay more then $32,000 plus benefits) of course I’ll take it, but it seems we are regressing with salaries which is sad.

After way too many years of underemployment, unemployment and the like I finally got a full time job but there are red flags galore. To summarize my job life since 2007, I lost my high paying but high stress, job where I was bullied. In general I liked when I did what I was hired to do but often “duties as needed” meant things like counting pencils. HR bullied me so badly and when my boss was fired so was I and anyone connected to him. At first I was happy because I hated the job (liked my boss) and figured with my impressive skills and my masters I’d find a job soon and even had an interview the day I was fired. Looked good, but it became a nightmare that continued from December 2007 (yes almost 12 years) until now.

So from December 2007 until September 2016 I tried everything. I got a job waitressing but both me and the restaurant owner mutually agreed I couldn’t hack it anymore due to arthritis and psoriasis. I did a variety of temp jobs and whatever I could find. I went on interviews and sent out hundreds, if not thousands of resumes. I dealt with everything you can imagine, being told I was too old at 37, told I wasn’t smart, taking test after test and still being rejected. I would cry and so depressed. It was a nightmare and couldn’t figure out why I was being rejected. I knew then I had to go back and get another degree so I chose substance abuse.

In general, I wasn’t crazy about substance abuse but knew there was a shortage in the field. I got a 4.0 my first semester but the second semester was rough, because I lost my mother unexpectedly, my grandfather expectedly, and I got very sick where I was bedridden for months. Luckily my classes were mostly online (and the one in person class wasn’t long when we met in person and had online sessions). Even so, I graduated with a 4.0. I then applied for the advanced program and was rejected. I don’t know why but it was known the department was angry I didn’t want to work with low income clients in the “hood”. No, I didn’t want to get shot for a barely above minimum wage job. I’ve discussed my issue with the addictions program in another thread so it’s another topic. I then started the online teaching program and that has been a positive experience.

I finished the degree, and continued with my online teaching certificate. I started getting job interviews with my instructional design experience (what I did in my job I mentioned earlier) and thought it would be cool if I went back to doing it and ironic after spending two years in addictions but nope. So I decided to bite the bullet and take the drug counseling certification test. I did this and passed and since then I’ve been getting interviews. One place gave me bad vibes when I interviewed but I figured they wouldn’t call me but then they offered me the job.

I should be happy, right? Nope, they told me the wage, which was 16 bucks an hour and change (16.82 I think). However, they didn’t mention benefits and when I asked they told me they would tell me when I started. This is fishy. In the past I would have never considered this offer but here I am. I am going to help the online teaching program give presentations about the program and love this field, but they can’t afford to pay much, or anything right now. So yeah here we go again where I am going to take a job I don’t want and still hope something better comes along.

I have a long update on everything that has happened and it ties into the problem with colleges preparing students for low level jobs. Anyway, in 2016 I started college again to work with addictions. I knew then that with just the basic 32 hour degree the jobs were worthless (some paying minimum wage and in bad areas) but with the 60 hour degree the job offers were much better (close to what I have made in past). So basically I decided to go for the 60 hours and managed a 4.0 GPA. This proved difficult at times since my mom died in the beginning of my second semester and I became very sick to the point where I believed I would die. Not an exaggeration, my doctor told me I had symptoms of stage 4 liver cancer. Turns out I had several issues, including a severe kidney infection. Luckily this semester (Spring 2017) I had two classes online and a third was once a week and the professor was understanding of my illness. Long story short I completed this semester with a 4.0 GPA and when Fall 2017 came around I applied for the advanced program. They required me to jump through hoops that no one else had to, and they still rejected me. The reason I found out was because they didn’t like that I wasn’t open to working in high crime areas (something I told them about from the get go) and that I attended church. To say I was bitter was an understatement because I was clear I wanted in that program and not the 32 hour one. I also believe race may have played a part since the school is mostly African American and very very SJW.

So instead of going in the program I wanted, I decided to apply for the internship and be done. But nope, they let me know late that I was rejected so I had to wait a semester. I was then able to start my online teaching certificate, something I considered long before this program. I also took an addiction class that had a lot of information I need for my certification test so it was fine. When I applied for the internship from the get go the professor was nasty to me. No matter what I said in class he bashed me. In July I was having a conversation with a classmate about the students that they accept and I stated half don’t belong there. The professor overheard me and decided to attack me in class and tell my classmates I was talking about them. They told him I wasn’t referring to them and he started saying yes I was. Then in September I got into it with another student and a professor and it ended with me suspended from school until I had a conduct meeting. In the meantime I had to attend a conference in Myrtle Beach and several of my classmates also attended. For the most part they mostly ignored me and if they saw me would say hi and walk away. These were classmates I was on good terms with before this, we spoke often via email and in class. My professor said things about me to them I assume. While at the conference I found that I could return to my internship (I had 7 days left to go) and had to attend a counseling session. At the counseling session the counselor said I didn’t need help, and that was that. I returned to my internship, finished it last week and turned in the logs.

Speaking of my internship, it went well and met great people. The bad thing though is that it is merging with another company so they couldn’t have offered me a job even if they wanted to. I am sending a resume though to the new place taking over and keeping in touch with several I met at the internship. I liked it there but go figure something like this would happen. I’m also pursuing the online teaching certificate and was selected to job an honor society for future educators, which I accepted. Ironically the acceptance came during my suspension, which to me was a sort of omen. I wish I had listened to my vibes about doing the program I am almost finished with and switched to the other counseling program or perhaps it will come in handy with education jobs, who knows.

I have been watching the Kavanaugh hearings with interest, not because I support or oppose anyone, but rather because we have become a country of they said this and those said other things. Right now I am deal with an issue that could get me expelled from graduate school. I have a 4.0 GPA, on scholarship but could lose all of it to a bully my temper. My professor has been bullying me severely since March. He attacked me via email but the worst came in July where he heard me having a private conversation with a classmate about the admissions policy and how so many don’t belong in school. Instead of ignoring a private conversation he was not involved (and which didn’t pertain to him) he decided to bring this conversation in class and attack me, saying I have no right saying this about my classmates and he then told my classmates I was talking about them when I wasn’t, and they knew I didn’t mean them. He then asked me to stay afterwards where he called me worthless and how he was going to get me expelled from school. I reported this to the head of the program and she is aware and aid he would be nicer. Well, he was nicer, only because his comments weren’t as mean, and ignored.

Anyway, last Thursday he started telling us our degrees were worthless and he recommended we go for the advanced program. He then looked at me and said “not you, you’re worthless”. Needless to say I started to go and he continued as did a classmate who bullied me for not going into bad areas for an internship. This classmate (a Nation of Islam member) made it about race, and I started to walk towards him to confront him and my teacher pushed me. He then told me to leave and started harassing me. As I was leaving I made a comment like “I hope you die”. Well, long story short he pressed charges against me and the school suspended me until a hearing. I could get a warning, suspension for a semester or expelled or many other things. I am hoping since I am almost done with the program (55 hours at my internship where they like me)they will allow me to continue with another professor. I am terrified because the one time I erupted (after months of abuse) is now going to cause trouble. Forget the fact that I am a 4.0 GPA library trustee, active in the Legion Auxiliary and church, nope the professor (who has a history of abuse towards women) is the one they might believe. The reality is this, people believe the person in power over someone else and it is sickening. It’s why people (especially women) don’t come forward and victims suffer.

In 2016 I went back to become a drug counselor. They asked me if I planned to go for the advanced program or the basic and I said advanced. They said I needed to maintain a 3.5 GPA to even be accepted. A year later I was finished with the main part and applied for the advanced program. I have a 4.0 GPA, and serve in various capacities including as a library trustee. I thought I was a sure thing, but nope. In fact, they claimed I didn’t have the right personality for that program or something stupid. I almost dropped out of the program because I was very clear what I wanted when I started and with a 4.0 GPA should have gotten it. Most of the people accepted into the program have lower GPA’a than me, some don’t even hit that number. I received a $10,000 for this summer, otherwise I would have dropped out.

Well, turns out I think I know why I was rejected. I found out I was rejected because the coordinator hates Catholics and anyone right of, well, a communist. They found out I mentioned I didn’t want to work in the ghetto and their snowflake brains were offended. Also, need I mention everyone accepted was African American? Yep. So now, I find out with just the certification the jobs are garbage to be blunt and I could make more in other fields. I’m looking into going for a doctorate in psychology instead because at least this will get me into those programs but apparently not much else.

The only good thing is the grant means I have to attend all expense paid conferences and get additional certification in integrated care so who knows. I’m also taking online teaching certificate and Spanish classes so this should help.

I haven’t posted much in the last few months, even up to a year with a good reason. This year has been traumatic to say the least. It started out pretty uneventful, but this would change on January 13, 2017. I was getting ready to go to a party when I was talking to my mom and she had a seizure. She gets seizures often but this one was scary and I called 911. They brought an ambulance and sent her to the emergency room. I drove with my dad to the hospital. For two weeks I was on edge not knowing what would happen and the hospital didn’t know. In the meantime I started my new semester of school and became busy with that. They told us she was improving they thought, but not enough to be confident. As it turned out my birthday occurred on January 25 and instead of getting presents and a birthday dinner me and my dad went to the hospital. I was talking to her and she seemed to be listening and I thought she nodded. The social worker told us though that if there was no real improvement in the next few days we would have to move her to a nursing home to recover.

On January 26, I was up doing my homework when my dad called to tell me the hospital called him. Said my mom had a heart attack and to get there NOW. My dad flew down the expressway, and we got there in record time. We walked to the area where my mom was and I sensed something different. Several people walked towards us, including a priest and I knew. Turns out my mom died when they called but didn’t want to tell us until we got there. We said goodbyes to my mother and they called the funeral home in town to pick her up. The next day we had to go there and make the arrangements, which was difficult. The following Wednesday was her wake/funeral and the following day we drove to the cemetery where her cremains were buried. One thing about funerals is that you can see who is there for you and who is not. Several people I thought were decent not only didn’t show, they didn’t even email me condolences. In fact a few bashed my mom. Needless to say I’ll never talk to them again. Others were very kind, including people from the church and library. When my mother died my grandfather (her father) was still alive but in the latter stages of Alzheimers. It was agreed that we wouldn’t tell him. Three weeks later he passed away. Just a month ago my mom’s last blood aunt passed away at 105 (she has one aunt who is an aunt by marriage still living). This aunt was more like a grandmother as she helped raise both my grandmother (mom’s mom) when their parents died, but also my mom). So we had three deaths this year, but of course losing my mom was the worst because she was only 69.

Then the week before Ash Wednesday I got sick, really sick. I have been suffering from severe psoriasis for years and they put me on medicine that helped me go into remission. Life was great until I noticed both the psoriasis and the arthritis coming back, which was odd. I went to the dermatologist and discovered that I had a form of strep and with a serious disease the medicine makes it worse. That Friday I came home from working as a writing instructor and started to feel sick. I started throwing up and all weekend was sick. That Monday I was feeling a little bit better and helped decorate for the Beef dinner on Fat Tuesday at church. I get there and start running a fever and went home to sleep. The next day I couldn’t help at the event as my fever went to 102. I started actually hallucinating which was scary and prevented me from going to church on Ash Wednesday and work all week. By the following week I was feeling better and thought it was over, but nope.

I then got really sick again and went to my doctor. They immediately sent me to the hospital because I had Erythroderma. This is a severe skin disease that kills. I was severely dehydrated and throwing up. When I went to the emergency room they also found out I had a severe kidney infection. So for a month or so I couldn’t eat anything, was cold and couldn’t walk. Yes, on top of everything else my feet swelled and I was unable to walk. I literally had to have my dad help me with basic things like cleaning. Talk about feeling stupid. I slept most of the time or watched tv. So finally around April I started to feel better for about a week then got sick again. I went back to my doctor and he did some x-rays. He did various bloodwork and saw my liver was failing and so was my gall bladder. He told me it looked like I had stage 4 liver cancer but wanted to make sure. I have never been more afraid. Long story short, it was nasty flu that appeared to be causing liver and gall bladder problems. One of the reasons was because I was throwing up everything. He told me to eat oatmeal, which I did and my bloodwork came out okay. Eventually everything went back to normal, except my psoriasis and arthritis. I struggled with those until the fall. I lost over 40 pounds and my hair fell out on top of it. I have never been so sick. Luckily I recovered and everything is back to normal. I’ve even gone back to working out.

Then there is the issue with school. I went back to school to become an addictions counselor along with a licensed professional counseling. Even though I managed to maintain a 4.0 (when I was so sick I did my homework in my bed) they didn’t think I was qualified to be a counselor. Why? who knows, but probably because I said I didn’t want to work in bad areas (and if you follow the news then you know the south side of Chicago is bad). I also made it clear I wanted to work with veterans, and they didn’t like it. I’m checking into the doctorate program for counseling which will allow me to be a counselor and also be a professor.

I can’t wait for 2018. The rest of the year looks like a lot of activities, including going to see Star Wars tomorrow, Christmas Eve mass, Christmas with just my dad and maybe a party on New Years Eve. Then I can say goodbye to this horrible year.

The Chicago Cubs won the World Series! I just wish my grandma was around to see this.

While watching the debates and all the media I am reminded of so many things but mostly the issues with racism and sexism. like it or not, this election is a reflection of our values, good or bad.  This election is such a horrible situation that I was inclined at one time to vote third party. However, that would be a poor choice.

Before I official announce who I endorse let me state: I don’t like either one but I hate one and think that person is the most unqualified person to ever run.  Therefore, I am endorsing Hillary Clinton.  Quite frankly, Trump scares me. Do I have questions about the emails? yes but I have more questions about Trump’s hatred towards others, especially women. He is demeaning too many women. I was leaning towards Gary Johnson but he stands little chance.

I often talk about my experiences with employment and all the problems I’ve encountered. I’ve discussed the sexism, ageism, immigration and every thing related. I’ve discussed how I am skilled and come so close, only to get rejected. What I rarely, if ever, discuss is how someone like me got here.

Let’s go back to my junior year in high school to see what went wrong.  My junior year I was an impressive student with honors classes, a high GPA and a letter in cross country. I was considering a career as a psychologist and had the grades to do it. I enjoyed journalism and many other activities but figured they would be just hobbies. Except Spanish, I was figuring with my very high Spanish grade (I would be promoted into the honors Spanish program) that could be my major. I started getting flyers from colleges galore and many were already starting to come visit me at school.

However, I started getting recruited by the military branches and considered going into the reserves or ROTC. The Air Force in particular kept calling me to offer me a ROTC scholarship. Stupidly, I fell for the navy. The navy didn’t offer me a scholarship, nope, instead they told me I was too stupid to get ROTC or reserves and the only way I would get in the military was as enlisted. I enlisted, to the dismay of my school counselor and my parents who all thought I was better than that for lack of a better word. I would go to pre boot camp meeting where both ROTC students and enlisted students were and noticed something funny: the kids in the ROTC were in my classes, the enlistment kids were not (they were mostly remedial kids). This should have been my clue but was so brainwashed by the navy telling me how wonderful boot was and how you got lots of money for nothing and I could start college right away paid for! My thinking was after boot I could then attend college but they don’t tell you this may not happen.

In another post I will discuss what did happen in boot but let’s just say I was not the best recruit. Ever see Private Benjamin? Sort of like that. I did get a medical discharge so while I was at boot a month I did get money.  I was discharged in May and as it turned out got out a week before high school graduation (I graduated that previous January). I was able to attend my graduation and the senior athlete breakfast. Of course because I turned down scholarships and colleges (thinking the navy would take care of this)this meant I couldn’t attend college in the fall. So that fall I saw my classmates all leave for school while I was stuck at home working a variety of horrible jobs. The worst was when a childhood friend came into McDonalds where I was cashiering and talking about her scholarship and her happiness. Like her I was in the top 10 percent of the class but made a foolish decision without thinking.

So that summer I had some extra money and decided to take a class in psychology at the local community college. I got bored because it was summer and who knows why but didn’t reach my full potential. I decided to go back to school but found I waited too long for financial aid. I waited for the following fall and found I received a full scholarship,  including books, and a stipend. I discovered community colleges really like honors students because so few go there. I attended a full year and did mostly well except for a conflict with my job at Venture during the fall season. By the following season I was modeling which fit perfect.

The following fall I decided to go to a school about a half hour away and since I didn’t have a car, to come home on weekends. Because I was a bit older than most sophomores (I should have been a senior at this point)I didn’t fit in. By now I had switched from psychology to communications and had a radio show. I lasted there a semester and I returned the following summer (the one about 18 months later) to  the community college to take several classes. The winter after that I started broadcasting classes at an art college known for their program. I attended for a year and didn’t return for a few years due to money issues. In the meantime I worked in radio, and public relations and modeled and took more summer classes at the community college. When I did return to the college to finish my degree I was two semesters shy of my BA. I finished it, and decided to go for a MA in communications. By this time I was still working in radio but not as much because there weren’t as many jobs. However I thought with a MA it would give me options. It actually did, I got offered several jobs, and took the one I now regret.

As it turns out, I am returning to the school where I received my MA and getting a degree in counseling. Since I attended over 12 years ago it has gone from a commuter college mostly with older students to one where they now have undergrads and dorms. Incidentally, the art college I mention did the same thing and the second time I attended felt weird because of it. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had I stuck with my original psychology major and chosen better job wise. I like to think I would have attended college on scholarship and now be in god financial shape. I also wish I had realized that I had plenty of options, only I didn’t see it at the time.

So I have come to the conclusion that I have two worthless degrees in communication. I have been unemployed a long time and the fields I do have experience are increasingly harder to get into and notorious ageist. Okay so I decide to go back to become a counselor because there are jobs in this field (I am specializing in addictions which interests me and I know). I am waiting to see if I get a scholarship and I can get a possible job at a social service agency that pays horrible but gives me some money and experience.

Great you say? Mostly but I’ve run into a snag. Because my undergraduate was communications I have to take 9 credits of undergraduate credits that won’t transfer into the degree. Okay since I don’t have my degree I get this. However, I found out that I have to take an undergraduate research class. Did I mention I took a GRADUATE research class? yeah apparently that’s not accepted but the undergraduate class (where I won’t get credit)is. At least it’s only 12 credits which can be done in one semester. I originally checked into being a teacher and would have had to take another math class, two science classes and a few other classes amounting to an extra year of school. I think most of these can be taken online so I don’t have to deal with other students. The school originally was mostly older students (the average age was around 40) but now takes undergrads and quite simply younger people often annoy me. I know, once I take these classes I can go onto the other classes but having to take 4 classes is going to drive me crazy.

While we hear Trump’s rather creepy comments about illegals and Muslims, we don’t hear the real immigration problem. Sure, many illegals are taking jobs but they are taking jobs from the lower income part of society. That is a problem but not for everyone. With Muslims, yes many are coming for welfare and terrorism and taking jobs but in general we haven’t had all that much Muslim immigration throughout history. This is not to say neither situation is a problem but rather there is one that is overlooked: Indian immigration.

While I give Indians credit for being educated and having a very low rate of welfare usage (practically zero), especially compared to other groups, they are hurting our more educated. Like me. In the last 10 years (and yes I was actually employed while seeking a new job, and in fact I had been seeking a new job 2 years while working)I have applied at probably thousands, if not millions of jobs. I have lost track of how many actual interviews I had but no doubt it numbers in the hundreds. I’ve applied for anything really, even jobs I was extremely overqualified for. I’ve applied for every job I have fit to a t, every job I wasn’t sure I was qualified for, even jobs I felt I was unqualified for. The result? almost every job I had an interview for were the ones I wasn’t sure I was qualified for or those I felt I was under qualified. The jobs I fit to a T? Rarely did I get a call. Or I would get a phone interview if that. Honestly, I should have a job yet all I can seem to find lately are freelance jobs.

How does this tie into immigration? Well courtesy of search engines, social media and company websites I can usually find out who got the job. Almost every time I lost a job I found an Indian worker got it. I then see they graduated from an Indian university and it makes sense. Occasionally, I see other immigrants, like the one time I applied for a public relations job and that went to an immigrant from Brazil WHO COULD BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH. I know this because I saw her Linked-In profile and this was mentioned. Other times I lost to younger candidates but it has mostly been Indian candidates.

I have called various politicians and would you believe the Democratic Party actually told me it made sense because these are jobs needing to be filled? I told them they were jobs I could do and there was no reason to bring in visa workers. They used to be the party of the working class what happened? Ironically I called my then congressperson (a Republican)and his worker told me he was aware of the problem and working on it. Unfortunately my district was switched and our congressperson ended up being a leftwing crook who then went to prison and was taken over by a racist kook (racist as in she hates white people).

When does it get better for Americans? Why don’t people get that the visa workers move up the chain then hire more of their own, meaning less working Americans.

I was watching the video of Sarah Palin and while she amuses me she also horrifies me. In fact she has always horrified me with her stupidity and while she is a joke to some she’s not. I was thinking this as I watched another woman, Elizabeth Dole on television. Like Sarah Palin, Elizabeth Dole is a Republican but that’s where the similarities end. Dole is very educated with a JD and a Master’s. Unlike Palin, Dole is childless and apparently very career obsessed. I remember during the 1996 campaigns many commenting that there wasn’t a difference between Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Dole and there really isn’t in terms of education and work. Yes, one is Democrat and one is Republican but both benefit from education. In fact if one looks at older female Republican women you can find many impressive such as Olympia Snowe, senator of Maine.

It’s not limited to women who are actually politicians but look at the previous First Ladies. Whether one likes them, the last three First Ladies (Michelle Obama, Laura Bush and Hillary Clinton all had advanced degrees).  Since Lucy Hayes was the first to receive a degree, this has generally been the standard. Even when women were generally not going to college, First Ladies were. Of course it should be noted that most were from a higher income level than the majority of the American public, but they still didn’t have to go to receive advanced degrees like the last three. Incidentally, it was another Republican First Lady, Pat Nxon, who received an advanced degree.

Why bring up First Ladies? quite frankly I do not want someone as a First Lady who is not bright. I want someone smarter and more educated than the average American. Several of the potential First Ladies are either stay at home moms or not educated or both. One candidate (Marco Rubio) has a wife who did not even finish college and has not worked. Let’s not forget Mitt Romney’s wife who never worked outside the home. Why should this matter? Because simply put, if a Republican gets into the Oval Office it will have an effect on women and their lives.It should be noted of course that many of these same candidates also voted against the Lily Ledbetter Act and various other women issues. My experience out in the real world is that men with these wives think all of us are brainless bimbos who only desire to be moms. While you can be educated and only desire to be a stay at home mom, studies show that many women become stay at home wives because of no other choices. This is not an attack on stay at home moms but rather those who decided not to become educated.

Why not bring up Democratic candidates? Let’s be honest here and think of a stupid Democratic woman. Yes there are many but most are celebrities and non political people. Not that I like the Democrats better, I dislike them equally. However I give them credit for not having an idiot. The Republicans used to also have quality women but something happened along the way that we went from Betty Ford (one of my favorite First Ladies in history)to someone who did not even finish college.

Today at church the priest gave a fantastic sermon on political correctness. Basically he was talking about how people are so afraid of saying “Merry Christmas” or talking about the holiday and all of that. That many Christians are afraid to admit they are Christian  because they are afraid of being called names. This is odd because I was going to talk about South Park and how this season is one of their best and how they are taking on the PC crowd. If you haven’t seen it, it’s online and a show that gets it. Too many write too many PC things.

Think about this, in  the last few months we’ve dealt with a lot of political correctness to the point of overload. First off, there was Bruce/Caitlyn/Freak Jenner. I’m all for being transgender and some people believe they are another gender but this one isn’t that. Rather it’s a guy who is with a family who thrives on attention grabbing the latest pc thing for attention. I bet once the attention (hopefully) goes away he’ll decide to be a man again. Actually he is a man because he’s never had the surgery.

Then there is the cop shootings. Yes, there is police brutality and some of the victims were victims. Some were authentic but others were thugs. If you shoot a cop or do something like that you’re going to get shot. Many of these “victims” had robbed people and committed other crimes. Many came from families that were less than desirable. Related to these are the gang shootings that have been on the news. Yes it is a tragedy but so many came from families where this is common. One victim was the son of a gang member.

Then there is the whole refugee issue and Obama calling people names for not wanting them here. The fact is many of them might be terrorists or at the very least moochers.  What has been sickening me has been  people attacking those in the military saying they deserve less help than refugees. Yet if you say you’d rather help the vets some call names like racist. America first does mean vets over refugees. Speaking of immigration it’s become  a buzz word if you disapprove of illegal immigration. I do not oppose Hispanics, I just want immigrants to be here legally and be law abiding and not on welfare,   I don’t care what ethnicity they are.

I tell people Merry Christmas and if they are offended they have problems. I have had people tell me Happy Hanukkah or Kwanzaa and no I’m not offended. Why would I? they are being nice. People get offended easily. I don’t know if I mentioned this but I had a parent complain about what I was teaching last year. We were discussing the sacraments and I mentioned sacraments and marriage. One asked me about multiple marriages and I explained the Catholic view. A parent got mad because according to her I should explain the church has no problem with someone marrying several times. Huh? The church requires an annulment before remarriage in most cases. I didn’t make this rule. I’ve gotten banned from three message boards in the last few months. The first message board because I said these two women were ugly who were trying to model. They weren’t ugly because they were black, they were ugly no matter the race, A second time because I said about the Catholic views ON A CATHOLIC SITE. I had an atheist (why was one on there?)attacking the Catholic views. A third message board because I said the Kardashians should be the Kartrashians because they are trash. I also said people that watch were morons.

To quote Rizzo from Grease (Grease is probably banned in some areas because of PC) “some people are so touchy”. If something offends you IGNORE IT. If your kid doesn’t win, don’t complain, have them work harder. If you don’t agree with the Catholic view, maybe the church isn’t for you. I haven’t even chatted about my avoidance of single dads and how people get offended. Worry about your life instead of being offended.

I’m going to start out by disclaiming I was young then so my experience comes by what I saw personally. My parents were no Reagan fans but many of their friends were. Most if their friends owned businesses and claim he helped keep taxes low and business sales up. However I saw other things that correspond to what we see today. For example, this is the era of the superwoman who worked a lot and came home to do housework. This was partly because that generation of men were brought up with housewife moms. There were also lots of career women. You saw a lot of this on television shows, even sitcoms with families. This was common, and I don’t remember a lot of sitcoms with stay at home moms. This is actually contrary to what I saw a lot because while it was common for mom to work, most moms in my neighborhood seemed to have part time jobs unless they were single. Also important to bring up this seemed to be the decade of workaholics. It seemed to me that it was more and more expected to work over 40 hours. I had friends with parents who were never around due to working. Of course it seemed there were lots of office jobs. Automation and outsourcing eliminated many jobs.

Then there was the threat of war. It was often talked about at school that we may have a nuclear attack. There were movies about this and many were creepy. There was also the space race and how it seemed things got more advanced. We finally got our first female astronaut and of course dealt with tragedy when Challenger exploded. There was definitely a cold war both in fear and trying to beat the Russians in everything.

Pop culture was another thing and it was spurred by materialism. This was the decade where it seemed it was all spend. There was new technology to buy like computers and VCR and who can forget the  Cabbage Patch Kid craze? I wanted one that Christmas and my mom said I’d have to wait until it died down. Eventually I would get two and inherit a third from my Grandma and they sit on my bed. Malls were the hangout and we’d shop and browse. I’d buy the latest album by a New Wave band and play it nonstop.

The 80’s doesn’t have the nostalgic look like earlier decades and I think it’s because it was the beggining of the end. This is when many jobs were leaving or not a sure thing. Interesting to note that unlike earlier decades there haven’t been as many popular shows set in the 80’s. About ten years ago several 80’s based shows aired and immediately cancelled. Only recently have there been successful shows set in the 80’s. I am a fan of one of these and go to a message board to talk about the show and it makes people question why people don’t want to remember the 80’s. Was it because our problems stem from this decade?

So I get a call today for a job. Sounds great until I say it’s for a restaurant. I applied for the waitress and hosting jobs (because they are new several positions are open). I have done these jobs but it’s been close to 15 years or longer. It’s by my house and across the street from Fred but have mixed feelings. I thought my waitress days were long over but I need money. I thought I would have a 9-5 corporate job (public relations or other media job) and a white collar job but my choices anymore seem to be jobs I am way overqualified for, and men I am too good for. Meanwhile I know people who are stupid and jerks yet have it all. The only good thing is if I get this job maybe I can go back to school and find something better. To be fair I have made great money at waitressing and this owner knows people I do. I’m just bitter because I saw the Facebook page of someone who barely graduated college and is a manager at a advertising firm and is married to someone who also worked in advertising. Life has never been fair to me.

I’ve spoken about Fred (not his real name)many times here and have mentioned he owns a store with his mom. However, not long ago I got some news that has really made me think. They are struggling to keep the business afloat which is increasingly getting harder. Fred has a criminal record that would make it impossible for him to get hired, not to mention his age (53)and that he’s worked for himself for years. His criminal record is mostly minor (mostly speeding but two DUI’s and one possession of a controlled substance from 20 years ago) but as we know even speeding tickets can prevent jobs. His mother is 81 and they live on her social security. Anyway, long story short my dad works at a food pantry in a nearby town and Fred’s sister has been coming into get food because she lives there. She told my dad that she’s been helping out Fred and their mother and the food pantry helps them. We actually have a food pantry in town but he’s been known to give them food in better times so he likely feels weird going there. Plus, people will talk.

This shouldn’t be happening in this country. It used to be the smart people either started companies or worked themselves up. The people at the lower end managed to stay afloat and worked hard to do so. Now what we are seeing is jobs going overseas or being taken by visa workers. I am tired of getting or calling companies only to hear foreign workers while Americans are suffering. Not to mention lamebrain Obama wants to legalize illegals. This will mean more jobs taken by them and more welfare. Fred can’t really get welfare since he is a 53 year old childless man. His mom might due to her age but she owns the business and would lose far more to sell it.

Today I was watching the news and saw a mall I used to shop at is yet again another mall about to be closed. Granted, I haven’t shopped there in years because the area got really creepy but still I did shop there. Someone posted an article someone wrote about photos they took in 1989 of various malls. Made me think back to my teen years and how I shopped there and other malls often. Back in 1989 I was 18 and the malls were where I bought my clothes, my electronics and music. I used to go to bookstores and music stores and buy. Now I buy online. This mall for the last few years has only had a few stores open.

I have spoken before of the mall I shopped at as a small child. This mall is interesting because it speaks to societal issues from white flight to the changing economy and more. This mall when it was standing was the most famous dead mall in the world and people traveled to see it. They didn’t come to see it because of that  but because of its place in movie history and how that instance is so famous many other shows imitate it. It was torn down not long ago after standing many years dead.

There is a mall not far from me now I go to sometimes and it’s often dead. Me and Fred were going to go see the decorations last Christmas but they didn’t even put any up. We decided not to go because of it. I wonder how long before malls are all gone. The teen life of shopping at malls for the day are sadly long gone.

I have been looking at the questions on the ballot in November and am horrified. The questions are about increasing money for bilingual education, outlawing certain types of guns and ammunition (not restricting them, outlawing them), medical marijuana, requiring employers to pay for birth control regardless of religious views, increasing minimum wage to $10 hour and a database that requires neighbors to know if a criminal moved in, just to name a few. I do not oppose all of these, in fact I support legalizing marijuana and requiring murderers to be in a registry like sex offenders (many of whom are offenders only because their boyfriend or girlfriend was a few years younger and the offender was just an adult like 18 or 19). In theory I support increasing the minimum wage but what will happen is many more companies will go to other states. Plus this is only for adult workers so many places instead will hire teens. The birth control I would support if there were religious exemptions but there aren’t. I don’t like guns but outlawing a few will lead to outlawing all and there are politicians where who want to outlaw all. I’m not a gun supporter but it is a right in the 2nd Amendment.

My parents in general are getting sick of this town. My dad got unfairly fired from the park district and the people here aren’t doing anything about the corruption. Not to mention all the backstabbing. Recently there was a couple who got married and were Legion members. My parents had been to parties at their house and assumed because they weren’t invited it was a small wedding. However, they found out it was a large wedding (about 700 people) and many people they knew (in fact most)were invited.  “Fred” was invited, which sent me into a tailspin because I figured he didn’t want to take me. However, maybe he assumed we were all invited.  Fred invites us to events and we invite him and his mother.  Honestly I wouldn’t have gone anyway but seeing all these women who backstab me posting all about the wedding on Facebook at the same time annoys me. The irony is I didn’t think they were close friends of the couple so who knows why they were invited. I wouldn’t even pay attention if it wasn’t on Facebook. It wasn’t the fact I wasn’t (and neither were my parents)invited but rather the fact that the backstabbers were and posting it. I’ve thought of unfriending them but instead I ignore their snide comments.

For those who post here probably know I have a friend I call “Fred” (not his real name) because someone here named him after Fred Astaire, both because he dances but also because he would stare. It did graduate to talking and getting together on a platonic level. I was invited to his mom’s big 80 year old bash and my mom had a few people over for my dad’s birthday and I invited him. We are friends but apparently nothing else. I’ve tried and nothing.  I’ve given up on him. I probably should have sooner to be honest but he kept dangling this carrot as in “maybe we’ll go out”.

So I am going to do online dating again but with a twist. No more looking for a relationship since it’ll never happen. Instead I am putting up photos and trying to get the most desperate men and use them for things. They deserve it and this is my way of getting revenge at all the men who have done me wrong.  It’s obvious men don’t look at me as relationship material so why bother? I have a young guy who thinks I’m hot so I’m going to have sex with him. I need sex and waiting for a relationship is stupid since God has decided I am not worthy. When I did online before all I got were pieces of trash. Mostly unwanted men and lots of dads. NOT interested in a dad, not interested in being a stepmother, YUCK.

I am so mad I got hurt again, THANKS GOD.

As I’ve mentioned I’ve been doing lots of volunteering at the church and the American Legion but am starting to deal with the same backstabbing and cliquish behavior I dealt with at work. I am so disgusted about this.

The American Legion has a program that helps people going into the military, when they get out and in the military. They will have potlucks for these people and a ceremony.  It’s hard to explain but it’s a really nice way to help people. As my brother is currently serving and most of my relatives served (I did but was medically discharged)so the military is near and dear to me. When this particular program started it was a lot of fun hanging out with these people chatting and whatnot. It really was a social event. I volunteered for two years in a row for the county fair and literally was there all weekend.  However, about a year ago things started to change. First, the person who started this had a family medical crisis and a few people decided to start a fundraiser. Nothing wrong with this except I was told they didn’t want my help because they wanted to keep it small. Okay I get not wanting to tell a lot of people beforehand so the person doesn’t know but I found out many people were organizing this event, including people not even involved in the organization. To say I was hurt is an understatement and ever since then I had been sort of distant but still involved. I just generally avoided those who excluded me from the organization committee.

However, the story continues. I would go to the potlucks and help out there and several made comments that I wasn’t doing enough. One of the comments was that I was coming for the meal because I wasn’t bringing anything. First off, I didn’t always eat there, and second I would run the souvenir table (where you can buy stuff like shirts and sweat shirts)from the time before the event until after, then clean up. Many people were coming just for the meal, then leaving and not bringing anything. These people weren’t even volunteers or involved, just people finding out about the free dinners. Then people were giving me a hard time about Fred (not his name) being drunk. He’s not allowed there until he stops drinking (he’s working on it). People were blaming me because someone said we were dating. I love him and would date him but he’s either not interested or not interested now but we are friends.  We get together and are more often. However my point is we are just friends and they are blaming me. On top of it, several are Facebook friends and have been arguing with me over posts I make. If you don’t like don’t read. The final straw has been I found out the organization at the Legion created several committees with other volunteers in charge and this made me quit. My dad is a member and they like him but not me, or rather I’m not in with the cool people. Others have quit because of this.

Then we get to church. I do a lot at church, from cantoring to choir to chair person of the Shrove dinner, to religious teacher to general volunteer. I’m the one they call when they need a cantor or a volunteer. For the last three years I have been a teacher for 1st grade and love it. I’d love to be a teacher. The parents always give me compliments and the director confides in me. I’ve known her 10 years outside of church and have gone places with her outside of church.

For the last three years I have had assistants, both teen girls (11 and 17). Last year my older helper went to college, a teaching position opened at the church and I recommended her. This year she is teaching kindergarten. I pick up the bulletin and it listed my name as a teacher with someone else. To say I was angry is an understatement. I called the director about this and she assured me she was just an assistant. The reason she wants to teach is because her daughter is in my class and she doesn’t want to be left alone. Okay, then I get to the meeting and this woman started talking about plans she has for “her” class. I confront the director and she then said “look at it as she’s my co pilot”.  Sorry but I don’t want a co pilot, an assistant is fine. I don’t even need that as I don’t have many kids. The 2nd grade has a lot yet that teacher doesn’t have a co teacher.  The way they were talking to her at the meeting really isn’t how you chat with assistants. She was then asking for the syllabus and changes she wants to make, etc. The director was asking how much she can do in class, like she was testing me. I then spoke to another teacher who had the same issue and she ended up quitting because the parent was obnoxious. If this woman was so much into volunteering why didn’t she before now?

I am so sick about this because I love teaching. I’ve found out she is an actual teacher (not sure how long)and will an actual teacher be content assisting? Doubtful. Some have suggested people are trying to kick me out but why me? I do more than most, I was absent twice last year and told them ahead of time. Sure I’m not an actual teacher but have taught before in colleges and employers, and this is still more than the other catechists. Some don’t even have college degrees. I think it has to do with a hovering mother and the director being a pushover. I keep emailing her and get no response.

I’ve had horrible experience with volunteering in the past so I’m always on alert. I taught ESL students English and had a teacher hit me because she was jealous (she was old, fat, short and ugly while I was thin, pretty, young and taller than her). I’ve been used by political people, including working a full time position for free and I was paid for this by being told I wasn’t good enough to get a paid position or even a management position during the election.

Remember this story? https://harderworld.com/2013/05/15/meet-lennie-his-story-is-ours/. It was about my friend Lennie. He had a great job at a railroad foundry until it went to Mexico after NAFTA (thanks Clinton!). After that he had to sell his condo, moved back home at 50 or so and got a job at Wal-Mart.

The update? I just found out he passed away. He got cancer but without insurance was unable to go to the doctor until it was too late. He is now dead. This is the future many face.

I haven’t been online all that much the last few months for many reasons. For one I have been sick and also busy. I suffer from psoriatic arthritis along with psoriasis and this weather also saw me get severe bronchitis. Of course we had a brutal winter which meant it was worse.  There were days I was in and out of bed and it was rough. I would have fevers then be fine then be sick again and on and on.  I sing every other Sunday at church followed by religious ed so I would sing, go teach then come home and sleep. Once the weather gets warmer as it is, my arthritis will go into remission as it always seems to do in warm weather.  However because I do have a legit disease I have applied for disability.  However if the weather gets better who knows.

On the jobs front, I just had an interview that looks promising. It’s part time but may become full time in the future. The woman interviewing me told me she was impressed by me and my skills are what they need. However, been there done that so unless I get the job I’ll assume she was being nice. Otherwise have had a string of rejections but what else is new?

Fred is a mess and though I love him I can only be his friend unless he changes. Honestly I don’t know if he will change or even if he will want to date if he does. I had an interesting situation come up at church with this guy possibly flirting with me. The church was selling incense and he offered to buy me some. However I take it as being friendly unless he asks me out. Not attracted to him but who knows what would happen.

We have a governors race in Illinois that is looking to be interesting. Our governor is being challenged by someone who has never been in politics, and is a moderate Republican (or he claims). I will probably vote for him because I despise the current governor. He cut funding for elderly and disabled while increasing it for welfare.

While looking at one of the various free newspapers I receive every week I looked as I always do at the job listings. I saw one job that fit me to a T and sent a resume right away and got a response thanking me for applying and that they would be looking at resumes and calling in for interviews. When I saw the email I immediately recognized it as a repeat response I received months ago. That time I also sent a resume for the same job, got the response which made me think I would get an interview then nothing. This tells me that what likely happened was the person they did hire quit after a few months, telling me either the company is horrible or they hired someone who was a horrible fit.

Reminds me of a radio station I applied at. That one they called me in for an interview, only to have the owner (a much older man)tell me I knew more than anyone they interviewed but because I was “too old” (he wanted people in their 20’s)he wouldn’t be hiring me. Need I mention this radio station often hires every few months too?

This is what happens when employers don’t hire me or even give me a chance. They go for what are likely the youngest applicants then when they don’t work out they have to hire again. Of course I have no way of knowing whether I would have worked out but I do know they are hiring people who aren’t good choices while I sit  here unemployed.

So a new year and with it a new start. However the cynical in me feels it will be another same old and next year at this time I will be as miserable as ever, assuming I am still alive.

What do I wish for in the new year? the same things I wished for last year and the year before and before that and so on. My needs seem to be simple but apparently they aren’t. They are to find a decent job and a decent boyfriend who will become a decent husband. However I am wondering if I will ever get either again and fear a lifetime of never working or dating again. It goes without saying if I knew this was my future I wouldn’t hesitate to kill myself but I keep hoping I’ll get one of them, though why I don’t deserve both is something I don’t get.

When it comes to dating I have always been a failure at this. I have no idea why since I am pretty and seem like I would have many men fall for me. Oh I get lots of male attention even now, though 90% of the men are not acceptable to me. Most seem to either be much older or are dads. Divorced or never married dads are completely yucky to me on so many levels and knowing a man had a kid makes me vomit. Not that I have much money now but do not want to help support his kids or deal with his drama when he should have stayed married. That is my other point, I am devoutly Catholic and could never marry a divorced dad in church unless he got an annulment. However since I believe parents should stick together in most cases I don’t want a divorced dad even if he got an annulment. Never married dads to me have no morals in most cases because to me having kids out of wedlock is a sin. I know society tells us marriage doesn’t matter when it comes to kids but I firmly believe it does.

There are other men out there not dads but for some reason I can’t seem to get them interested in me.  I posted a profile and several dating sites and got many responses, including from many childless men but not many interest me at all. When I did online last time I failed miserably and while I met several guys none became boyfriends. Then again even if I was to meet a great guy my type, I am hung up on a guy who right now isn’t interested in dating. As it turns out he does fit what I want but is fighting an alcohol problem and dealing with a host of other issues, including an elderly mom and running a store. We are just friends now, and I can’t help but hope maybe eventually he will fight his issues and want to be with me.  He does like me as does his mom (in fact his mom said she would like to get together with me and do activities like go to the ballet).  Maybe we will just be friends and I will meet a guy fitting what I desire through other venues.

While I have always been a failure at dating, not so when it comes to working. Until this last spell of unemployment I never had a problem finding a job. In fact people often offered me jobs off the bat.  In my 20’s I had the perfect job as a model and it was great making lots of money for a job that wasn’t hard to do though could get boring at times. Once I started working in corporate jobs I always managed to find good ones with benefits. However now finding a decent job with benefits is hard, even though I have skills and education and experience. In this situation I know I am far from alone.

I am considering going back to school to become a massage therapist. A local community college has a year program after after you take the test to become licensed. I see from browsing various sites that there is a demand for this. The only problem is that it seems to be a lot of working for one’s self which is good and bad. Good because I can make my own hours, but bad because it could be unstable work. That scares me, that I’ll go back to school and be in the same situation. It’s one reason I gave up the idea of being a teacher because I see a lot of unemployed teachers and going back to school for 1-2 years to be a teacher only to be unemployed seems like a waste of time. However I have always loved school and outside of the money situation I would keep going if given the chance. I take online classes all the time through the library.

So will next year I sit here unemployed and single or will I be employed and with a man? time will tell and I will revisit this next year.

I volunteer at the church A LOT to the point when there is an activity people call me. I have become involved as have been the go to person.  So when the secretary decided to retire I applied for the job. I had all the qualifications but many others applied as well. I figured at least I would get an interview because they would look at my volunteering and my skills. Nope, in fact I got rejected off the bat. I am so disgusted that if I find out the new secretary is someone off the street not involved with the church I am completely done volunteering, including teaching CCD and cantoring. However several of the other CCD teachers also applied and to be honest if one of them got the job I would be okay with that.

A month or so ago I applied for the secretary job at the vet, which is across the street from me. I know several there as I take my animals there, including the wife of one of my dad’s best friends. In fact when my last dog died they made a donation in her name to University of Illinois’ vet school. I got an interview there but then nothing.

I am so sick with this and I have come to the conclusion my only choices are to work a minimum wage job the rest of my life or to kill myself. Nothing else is going good in my life either, such as the guy I really want doesn’t want a relationship with me now (or forever who knows)and I suffer from a severe attack of psoriasis that is bad with stress. I really want to die at this point because I don’t see things getting better. Honestly if I can’t even get an interview where I have connections this means I will never work again.

I have been watching all of the JFK stories with a lot of interest, though I wasn’t alive then. In fact both of my parents were still juniors in high school and would graduate the next year. Many things happened in the 60’s of course from a cultural aspect, such as the Beatles (a few months after JFK being murdered), Vietnam, the civil rights movement (though this started before JFK), and so many more things. In fact I have newspapers from the week JFK as assassinated and one of the most interesting things was in the classifieds there were “women” jobs and “men” jobs. These of course are illegal now though we all know they go on. Kennedy signed the 1963 Equal Pay Act, making sure women were paid equal but sadly even now this isn’t a reality.

I think what fascinates people about JFK is here was a young guy who was handsome who was killed at the peak of his career. We will never know how history would judge him as president because he never served a full term. I am fascinated as well because he was the first (and to date)only Catholic to be president. I have to wonder if he would be pro life and gay marriage if he was still living today (unlikely to be alive at 96 but still possible). Would he like Obama and the now Democratic policies that have since occurred like the rise in unwed pregnancy and divorce? Would he be divorced himself because of his adultery? The Kennedy family for all their faults are big charitable people so I have no doubt he would be as well. I’m sure he would hate the Republican policies that caused many corporations to become rich while people became poor.

I am of the belief that either Oswald didn’t do it or didn’t act alone. I can’t help wondering if part of it was because he was Catholic and there was (and still is)anti Catholic bias. However, I do think part of it was because he was planning to sign the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (signed by LBJ), and most importantly because according to many reports he was against escalating the Vietnam War. There had been death threats from many groups such as the John Birch Society. On the other hand JFK really wasn’t the liberal many believe he was as apparently he supported cutting taxes and of course was a staunch anti Communist. I will state this and that was he was the last great Democratic president. LBJ did some great things like signing the Civil Rights Act but also increased welfare (which caused a lot of the societal issues we deal with today)and increased the Vietnam War. Carter meant well and I think highly of him but he wasn’t president material. I liked Clinton but years later realized he caused a lot of the economy problems we have now by him signing NAFTA and the 1996 Telecommunications Act. I won’t even go into Obama as I am ashamed I voted for him. Btw I feel the last great Republican president was Eisenhower.

This true story happened last week and it bothers me. I got an email from a local college setting up an interview for an instructional design position. This is what I did with my last job. At first it sounded great until I saw they wanted me to learn a new computer program and learn it well enough to develop a training program in 4 days. This in itself sounds problematic but between receiving the email and the interview my computer went out. I am getting it fixed but in the meantime I am using a loaner my dad got from his boss. Anyway, I called them and told them my situation because I truly had no way to learn the program on my own before the interview because I couldn’t download the program (because not using my computer). Anyway at first they told me they would reschedule the interview, only to call back and say they weren’t interested. However, it spiraled after that and that night got several rejections from them. In fact I applied for several jobs and every single one rejected me that night.

Here’s a three for today because they all prove the point we are living in disgusting times.

Situation 1: Recently I applied for a receptionist job at the local animal hospital. It is literally across the street and I could walk there. The pay is probably minimum wage and is part time no benefits. Even though it is little pay and no benefits the fact I can walk there is a benefit. I do have receptionist experience (though it goes back 15-20 years ago)but they also requested computer background which I have. I walk in and while applying they got three calls while there. I was convinced I wouldn’t get a call back but I did for a group interview.  At the group interview (I hate these)they proceeded us to give us a test and apparently the people who scored the highest will be called for a working interview. I realized I got one question wrong because it asked for other ways to spell “meyer”. I completely forgot mire until I got home. The way things are I wouldn’t be surprised if I lost the chance for a working interview. The working interview consists of learning the computer program and using it. No idea how long the interview is. It’s sad when jobs require so much and offer so little. Years ago I would walk into companies hiring receptionist jobs and get hired.

Situation 2: My assistant is very bright and gives me high hopes for the future of people. She graduated top of her class and is studying to become a doctor. She just found out the school took away her one scholarship to give to “disadvantaged” students while claiming she must have money if she can afford to go re-med. This is far from the case, her dad is unemployed and her mom is a nurse who struggles to support 4 kids. Unfortunately she is learning what I did years ago and that is it doesn’t matter whether you get good grades when it comes to scholarships if you are middle class. I saw morons in college get full rides simply because they were disadvantaged. I don’t have to explain the fact that with people who shouldn’t be in college this means the degree becomes very watered down.

Situation 3: I teach CCD at church and have known the religious director for years outside of church. In fact she worked at a company where the owner offered me a job. At the time I was working and it was before the job became unbearable so I sadly had to turn down the job. The guy had to move the company anyway for a variety of reasons. Anyway, she has a son who got a degree in computer programming. Very smart guy who knows things that most people don’t. Guess what he is doing now for a job? flipping burgers at a local restaurant. Meanwhile we keep importing more and more visa holders. So foreign workers are taking American jobs while Americans take menial jobs. This results in getting foreign workers who disobey our laws, who push their agenda when it comes to work, etc.

Yes the world is getting worse and will continue to do so.

This week the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced who they chose as the nominees to be inducted. Keep in mind that not all nominees will be inducted this year but that the inductees are from this list.

The list and my opinion:

The Paul Butterfield Blues Band: I can’t recall their hit songs but have them seen listed as influences and have heard of them. I have no issue with blues rock bands from the 60’s in general being inducted, though I suspect part of this has to do with the fact I had a cousin who was a blues artist named Graham Bond.  Graham Bond was in Blues Inc and his own band, which is noteworthy because Jack Bruce and Ginger Baker later of Cream were members.

Chic: Chic to me was influential and influenced many rock bands as well as disco artists, such as Duran Duran (more on them later). Very talented musicians in this band including Nile Rodgers who went on to a successful producing career, and Tony Thompson and Bernard Edwards who were both talented musicians no longer with us.

Hall & Oates:  The most successful duo of all times if I recall and had many great songs.  When I used to buy 45’s I would buy many of theirs and even now I have many songs in the iPod.

Deep Purple: They should have been in years ago because they pretty much created heavy metal. I had their first single Hush on 45 and one of my earliest memories was going somewhere and the DJ announced the premiere of a new song called Smoke On The Water.  The hall of fame has traditionally been anti hard rock/metal and it’s a shame.

Speaking of hard rock KISS is also nominated. I was scared to death of KISS as a child, especially Gene Simmons. Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s they were everywhere, from tv to posters at the store. The reason they have been bypassed many years was because of their lack of talent (according to one guy on the board)but high marketing ability. They may not be the most talented band I suppose but their impact is enormous even today. I think their music holds up and true story recently with an iTunes card I purchased their big hit Beth.

Peter Gabriel: I love his post Genesis work a lot. I listen to his music often and bought his video collection several years back. He’s extremely talented and I want to see him inducted.

LL Cool J: He’s one of the few rap artists I like but I’m not sure he should be inducted. My reason is for the simple fact there are people who have been around longer and haven’t been nominated.

The Meters: Honestly I don’t know who they are so I can’t say. I tried to look them up but didn’t find much information. Sounds like they perform with many artists.

Nirvana: If any artist says definite lock on the ballot it’s Nirvana. They changed music on so many levels and made alternative radio a common format. They were far from the first alternative act and alternative radio existed since the 70’s but they did change the sound that was being played on the radio. Right before Nirvana hit I was working at a store with a record department and the music being sold were artists like  C+ C Music Factory, New Kids On The Block, Milli Vanilli, and Garth Brooks. Outside of Brooks most of the music being sold was of a definite mainstream pop flavor and most really sucked. To get anything even remotely alternative I had to walk to the record store next door. Nevermind really changed my life and I listen to it often along with their other CD’s. I do have a problem sort of with them being inducted before a lot of their influences as I’m sure Kurt Cobain would as well. I was very sad when he committed suicide.

N.W.A.: WTF? No they shouldn’t be inducted AT ALL. They influenced gang members and the like and I think they were more pushing the boundaries than anything else. I do have a song of theirs in my iPod but don’t feel they belong in the hall of fame.

The Replacements: Love them, own all their CD’s and think they were terrific. My only concern is they may not have been that well known to mainstream audiences.  Ironically I heard their last concert as it was broadcast on the radio.

Linda Ronstadt: She is really good and a legend. Here is an older singer finally getting recognition.

Cat Stevens: People hate him because of his religious views which is wrong. His songs stand up. I wish more of the folk rockers from the 70’s were inducted as I would like to see Harry Chapin (rock’s great humanitarian), Jim Croce and Gordon Lightfoot at least get nods.

Link Wray: Very talent guitarist, though probably should go in under the musician category.

Yes: I like progressive rock and think like heavy metal gets a bum rap. I think more progressive rockers like Moody Blues should be inducted.

The Zombies: Love the Zombies and one of the underrated artists from the British Invasion.

Meanwhile, while they nominate or induct mediocre at best artists (and some are loosely artists)so many legends are ignored.  For example, I really believe the Cure, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran and Joy Division belong in the hall of fame. Say what you want about Duran Duran but they influenced many artists who came after, including Nirvana (and yes Kurt Cobain did mention them as an influence). Going back a bit farther, there is Roxy Music. As an early influence I believe the Carter Family should be inducted. Maybelle Carter played the guitar in a way that has been emulated since. From the 60’s there are many talented artists still not in, like Johnny Rivers and the Grass Roots. While many critics dismiss them as a made up group, the Monkees proved they had staying power, and contrary to myth did play instruments on several of their songs (and two of the members were bonafide musicians).

http://www.al.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2013/10/voe_for_rock_and_roll_hall_of.html

I am feeling down tonight but no I am not suicidal. In fact this isn’t about me at all but the sad reality of what happens when people lose hope.

On Friday night there was a train crash near my house where someone was killed by a train. I had heard so many rumors about this one from the person was okay to they died to everything in between. I then heard that yes the person was killed but also heard everything from being a kid to an elderly person. Being that this was in town and being there was no car nearby I wondered if I knew this person.  This was on Saturday when I heard about the crash and on Monday I got some horrifying news. Monday night I got an email from the head of the American Legion group I am active in and turns out the guy killed was someone who was active in the group like me. We spent a lot of time together and I really liked him because he was cool. I didn’t agree about his politics (he was still a huge Obama fan)or his religious views (he was atheist)but liked him. Often me, him and Fred A-Stare (I love that)the guy I am interested in would hang out after events.

Turns out what happened (or what I have heard so far)is he was living with his sister because he was long term unemployed and had a hard time finding a job. He did freelance artistic work but couldn’t find a full time job doing this. Him and his sister were fighting and he was planning to move in with Fred and his mother because they have an extra room. However last Friday he got drunk and got into a fight with his sister. He happened to walk outside as the Amtrak rode by and jumped in front of it. For a few days they couldn’t even identify him but eventually they did.

I am stunned even now. When I first heard about this my first thought was about Fred because he has been depressed lately and last week got a DUI. This guy was not the one I would have chosen to do this which makes it worse. I am waiting find out when the funeral is happening and yes I am going. I hope he finds the peace he never found here. I know he was bitter about being unemployed but I figured he would get over it and continue to truck on. Sadly he will never have a chance for things to get better.

I often mention I worked for a corrupt company but rarely mention the name. The obvious reason of course is I don’t want trouble but screw them I am revealing everything now. The name of the company is Metra. Many of you probably don’t know about this organization but everyone in Chicago does as they are the government run railroad commuters use to get to and from the city to the suburbs.

I have mentioned before that I was abused and bullied constantly but what I rarely mentioned is that the HR was a “friend” of local politician/minister/race baiter James Meeks. This guy is a horrific person and just look at some of his comments online, such as making racist comments. Remember the whole Rev Wright comments? they are tame to some things he has done. He’s also close friends with the Jackson family (the politicians, not the music icons). It was intended that members of his church Salem Baptist would take over my department and sure enough it happened. My boss was fired, and so were me and most of my coworkers. The psycho nutjob of HR Gail Washington told me she intended to ruin my life and she sure did by making up stories such as claiming I beat her up which was weird because it allegedly happened on a day I wasn’t even there.

So yeah to say I have no love lost with these nuts is an understatement. I still believe I lost jobs because of them. It also changed me from a Democrat to a Libertarian because I saw all the waste such as lobster dinners while they refused to pay non union managers what we were worth (though union subordinates were paid more). A couple of years ago the CEO Phil Pagano killed himself by jumping in front of a train instead of face a jury.

This brings up to today. Apparently the new CEO Alex Cliffords (never dealt with him)quit because he didn’t like what was happening in terms of the hiring process, such as incompetent people with political clout. Apparently speaker of the house (and should be in prison)Michael Madigan was getting people jobs and according to some articles someone was paying off people. The board is being asked to quit and there is a lot of things going down. The thing is I have known this for years and no one paid attention to me. Just one article of many. http://www.suntimes.com/21373668-761/ex-metra-ceo-mike-madigans-requests-show-a-moral-and-ethical-flaw.html 

I often wonder what would have happened had I taken one of the other two jobs I was offered at the same time. One of those jobs was at a top public relations firm in Chicago that tends to promote from within and the person who took the job got promoted to a vice president position and maybe that would have been me. The other was teaching communications at a local college (incidentally where the Bears train)and that was closer. I can’t guarantee I would have liked either job but the people who ended up taking the jobs I turned down both were there for years (not sure if they are now). Instead I go on interviews for garbage jobs where I have to explain my situation at Metra and have to lie a bit (which I hate doing).

Normally I ignore all the celeb news because most of it is garbage. Honestly I think the Kardashians are low class and aren’t worth my time to think about. Anyway, one of the more prominent stories lately has been Paula Deen and the whole racist comments. While I’m neither a fan nor am I a non fan I feel she is being attacked somewhat worse than she should be and I think it’s part of society that tells us if we don’t think (or presume to think)like everyone else we are the wrong ones. I get a lot of flames online because I disapprove of single parenthood in most cases and never date divorced nor never married dads partly for this (and partly because I don’t want the issues).

Let me point out I am not defending her for using the n word. That word comes from a time when black people were not equal to whites. There of course was slavery but even after slavery it was rough to be black in this society, especially in the south. My dad tells me stories even back in the 60’s about how blacks were mistreated in the south when he was stationed there. I don’t see a reason to mistreat people of African descent. Also, mys sister in law is black and my brother got a lot of flack and my grandma disowned him when he married. So then why am I defending her? simply put while I disagree with racism I support the right to believe what we want, even if it is racist.

Have I used the n word? yes I have, along with various other words. I haven’t used it as a word for all or even most blacks in general but for the low class people who take advantage of the system for example. I lived in an area that went from diverse upper middle class to low income mostly black and yes they were trash. By the same token I have used that words (and others) against white people. To me trash is trash and have used words like trailer trash or honky (and I am white)against white low class. I am not happy I have used those words because I immediately became angry at myself because the n word is a horrible word. I have used other slang against other groups as well. I will readily admit I have racist tendencies, though not at black people but mostly Indians. My reasons for this is valid, having lost a job due to both outsourcing and visaed workers.

I am not alone in using racist slurs against people, most people have done it. In fact there are many politicians in Chicago who are always making anti white slurs and have had anti white slurs said against me for no reason. No one takes them to task but people like Paula Deen are fired. Look at Mel Gibson, yes he’s a nut but his career has done a nosedive because of things he has said. I don’t agree with what he has said but there is definitely a bias where making leftwing comments is acceptable and making rightwing is not. I don’t think it is right to make a comment against an ethnic group but it should go both ways. It doesn’t and I am often reading terrible comments against Catholics or white people in the paper.

I don’t know if she is racist or not, probably but it is her right. Likewise it is my right not to buy her products because of it. However being fired because of it seems wrong when others do it and nothing happens. It also seems wrong because I believe in free speech,  not matter how hateful.

The last three weeks I have largely been absent online because I had to fill up my iPod. Doesn’t sound like a big deal until I explain that the reason I had to fill it up because I accidentally erased all the music on my computer and apparently my iPod is set up to automatically sync with the computer. This happened last year and thought I turned off sync but apparently not. I’m also going to save copies on my hard drive in the event this happens again and I have to do it again and upload over 5400+ songs (my iPod holds about 10,000 songs give or take). This made me think about how important music is to my life and yes even my career.

I knew at 3 I wanted to be a DJ. Very few kids know at an early age what they wanted to do but I did. My heroes growing up were disc jockeys and I listened to them all the time. I would imitate them when I played my own turntable and “announce” the song. When I got older I would usually be the class DJ every time we had a party. For presents I always got music, whether it was 45’s or albums or later on cassettes, CDs, and now gift certificates to iTunes. I still buy CDs over MP3s though.  When I was growing up a local AM station went off the air and one of the neighbors worked for them so I ended up with several 45’s from them. I loved looking at the record labels and watching them go round and round.

Through the years I saw my musical tastes change and develop. I once got made fun of as a kid because I listened to old music instead of what is popular. I once was told not to bring my music to a class party because it wasn’t what was currently on the charts. A few years later I discovered MTV and with it New Wave, which was by far my preferred music for many years. New Wave went on to become different names and spin off various subgenres and calling it New Wave now is out of style.

This leads back to my iPod. As I’ve gotten older I have come back to music I loved as a kid along with discovering new music. I have every genre in my iPod from classic rock to jazz, to classical, to hip hop and everything in between. I have rediscovered artists since I got my iPod. It’s actually my second iPod, my first was an U2 iPod I got when I started my last job and it broke (always had issues with it and had replaced it three times). My current one I bought before I lost my last job and holds video and photos along with music.

Post to continue.

I have been meaning to write this for awhile because it’s such a sad story. This is a true story of a friend of mine named Lennie. Lennie is his real name and everything I am about to say is true.

I met Lennie in 1992 through a mutual friend. Lennie was interested in me but at 40 he was too old for me (I was 21).However we realized we had mutual interests and became friends. One of his hobbies was collecting music, vinyl, CDs and some cassettes as was mine and his favorite music tended to be classic and alternative rock, just like mine. At the time he was living with his parents to save money for a condo and I was in college and we would go to record stores to buy music. He made good money working at a railroad foundry and between putting money aside for his condo he was going to buy in downtown Chicago on the lake he had additional money, which he loved to spend. He was big on going to dinner and he always paid, and always bought me gifts. He did this partly because he thought we would date but also because he loved spending money in general.

In 1994 he finally bought his condo and he was happy! He had me and a few friends over for a dinner (he also liked to cook)and show us around his new home. It was small as most condos are on the lake that a middle class person can afford. These condos are expensive and I found out that he paid more for his tiny one bedroom condo than many pay for houses in the suburbs but he wanted to live downtown. It was nice taking walks during the summer on the beach and being downtown during summer is Heaven on Earth.  Life was going good for Lennie and he even found a girlfriend. He was making great money and putting aside for retirement.

Then 1996 came and with it NAFTA. At first the railroad foundry started sending factory jobs to Mexico. Lennie wasn’t worried because he assumed his office job was safe because they couldn’t do that job in Mexico. A few years later his job was sent to Mexico as was the rest of the jobs. Lennie still wasn’t worried because he thought with his experience someone would be dying to hire him. At first he got a lot of interviews but most resulted in nothing. A few offered him jobs but they were low paying and wouldn’t pay his condo, let alone bills. I helped him write his resume because it was a mess but still nothing. He got a job selling cigarettes to stores but after a few months they fired him because he wasn’t selling as much as he was supposed to.

The jobs by now weren’t coming. He would often see that the person who got the job instead of him was an immigrant and he became very hateful towards immigrants. He would also see himself lose a job to a recent college grad. Lennie had two things against him: he was by now close to 50 and never finished college (he had three years of college). He looked into going back to school to become a chef but found they wouldn’t give him much money to do so and he didn’t want loans. By now he had gone through his severance and his unemployment dried up. He had to do the one thing he dreaded and that was sell his condo, the one he saved up for many years and including living with his parents to afford.

This bring me up to him now.  After he sold his condo he moved back with his parents, who by then had moved about a half hour from the city. He ended up getting a job at the deli at Wal-Mart. His mom passed away not long after he moved back in (she had been suffering from cancer). His 81 year old dad, long retired had to go back to work and got a job as a bag boy at the local grocery store. I haven’t spoken to Lennie in a few months but last time I spoke to him he was still working there and HATED it. He was making considerably less than he has in years. We were chatting about the Clinton’s 3 million dollar wedding of Chelsea and he was visibly angry that a family could afford that, considering Clinton signed NAFTA. Lennie was a long time Democrat but now hates both parties and blames them both.

Lennie who is 61 shouldn’t have to work a job like this. He should be working a decent job and still have his condo. He should be looking forward to retirement but instead looks forward to still working.

My mother has always been one of those people who will bad mouth me. When I was in school she would tell people things about me (both real and made up)to make her look like this perfect mom while making me look like a nutjob. I would have random people come up to me and tell me stories on how I would cause trouble or do things I had no involvement in. Meanwhile my brother (her obvious favorite)could do no wrong and never has. In fact life has been wonderful for him where he graduated college, got a great job out of school, got married to his childhood sweetheart, had a kid, joined the army for medical school and is now an army doctor. Me, I have always fallen on hard times, where I struggled financially to finish college on my own (with little help from my parents because they figured I would find a man to support me). I did find a few jobs but so many were not jobs I desired (unlike my brother who got all the jobs he interviewed for). Guywise I struggled just as much where men I liked had no interest but men I didn’t like wanted to date me.

Of course this leads me to now where I have been unemployed and single, which is a double whammy. I am trying to find a job desperately and failing. My mother knows I am trying, she sees all the rejections but instead blames me. In her world it MUST be my fault. She has now reportedly gone back to her old tricks of telling people what a waste I am because I am not working. I try telling her I apply to EVERYTHING yet I still get rejected. She has no taken it a new level and of course it must be my attitude turning employers off because I think I am better than others. Well, yes I do think I am too good to work in a store or restaurant but have applied at these places and yes was told I am overqualified. I try jobs at my level and guess what? they reject me too! Reportedly she told her friend what a loser I am and her friend agreed because of course there are jobs out there! Yes, this friend got her loser son a job through who she knew and her employer was hiring but I got rejected.

Honestly I am waiting to hear from this employer and if I get rejected I want to die. I can’t handle anymore of this and want out. The idea of being stuck here the rest of my life until they die and I remain single and unemployed is a nightmare.

While reading another post I was reminded of perhaps the cruelest rejection letter I have ever received and to this day it still bothers me. The reason it bothers me was because it was exceptionally cruel and evil.

I have years of writing experience. I wrote for the school paper in high school, college and graduate school. Besides that I have written various other papers and other writing jobs. I mention this because right after graduate school I saw a paper 20 minutes away or so was hiring. I was going to mention the particular newspaper along with the town, but may later on. The city has a population of over 25,000 which isn’t that much but more than where I currently live. The paper there was hiring for a features writer and I fit all of the requirements so I sent in my samples. A couple of weeks passed and I received a rejection letter. Usually I get rejection letters like “thank you and while you are qualified we don’t see a perfect fit”. Oh no, this one said something like this “we looked at your samples and you are not a good writer. We will not call for an interview and don’t bother trying again”. I can’t remember the exact wording but this was close to the words. I am a strong person but this rejection made me extremely depressed and hopeless. I cried that whole night.

Why did they send such a mean letter? I honestly don’t know but while researching the paper I found out a former boss was an editor there. The former boss was my boss at a radio station and he basically jerked me around at the station for months. I was hired with the idea that even though I was starting Sundays eventually I would move to full time on air. I know this is how radio is so I accepted being a producer for religious programming on Sundays from 6am-11am and doing one hour of on air broadcasting from 11am-12pm. I hated the hours but was happy to have a radio job. However while I was there I kept hearing that I was just this one guy’s replacement and that once he came back I was out of a job. I asked him and he never gave me a legit answer so I never brought it up again. Weeks passed and next thing you know I see my one hour of on air broadcasting cut and I was told I was only going to be the producer for the religious shows. Meanwhile they did hire a man who got the on air job that was originally mine. Long story short I got tired of it so I sent an email to the boss telling him I quit. Maybe I should have given two weeks but I was so disgusted. I can’t prove this guy is the reason I got that letter but suspect so.

This letter was in 2004 but it did affect me a lot. After that I quit doing a lot of writing because I was so depressed and felt if they said I was bad, then maybe I was. I did apply at another newspaper since then and never got hired because they only hire relatives (this told to me). I also made sure never to subscribe to the paper and when they have called asking me to I always mention the newspaper and the rejection.

If they weren’t interested I could handle that, but being exceptionally mean was immature. Sadly after this I never got neither a radio nor newspaper job again but was offered a job teaching journalism at a nearby good college. I turned it down to take the last job I had, which I hated. I wish I hadn’t turned this down but too late now.

During my period of unemployment I take online classes through the library. Mostly because the certification looks good on resume. Anyway I have been taking a class on interviews. The class states what we have all known: that employers are more interested in the “fit” “personality” etc than actual skills. The course even states that it feels behavior interviews are great because it can hire the best. Yet many of us are unemployed or underemployed, likely because we don’t answer the way they want. I know clowns with little experience and skills get hired because they have the right personality. It does give the way to answer many of these questions.

Yet years ago people often were hired on the spot and hired based on skills and stayed for years. Now most people only stay a few years.

I have been arguing with my parents who tell me I am being “picky” and should consider anything. My mom has been pressuring me to apply at the grocery store as a cashier or at the gas station because I am “worthless” to employers I feel I should be applying. My parents tell me I am wasting my time applying for jobs at my level and slightly higher and lower because “those jobs won’t hire you”. The reality though is these jobs probably won’t hire me either. They were never supportive of me attending college as they always believed I should take a retail job and work up. They almost kicked me out of the house when I was 20 and trying to balance a retail job I hated with college. The retail job messed with my health and I dropped to about 100 pounds and affected my college grades. When I quit my parents told me I was stupid for choosing school over a job because the job had a future. Yeah right, several years later the retail chain went defunct (it was called Venture).

Strike 1: Yes I am overqualified. These jobs don’t want people they perceive as smarter than them. Since I have a masters they often see that and reject on the spot. Sure I could remove it from my resume (and I have a resume where it is not listed), but a quick Google of my name shows my masters and I am not removing it from websites that are catering to professional people. I worked hard for that degree. Several employers did tell me they do not hire college graduates.

Strike 2: I hated these jobs in my 20’s and had a tendency to quit right away sometimes after a day.  I despise cashiering and hate customers. One customer would tell me off and I would go off on them. Luckily I was model type because I am not sure what I would have done otherwise.

Strike 3: My experience in many of these jobs is outdated. I would go back to waitressing, inventory/overnight stocking and even telemarketing. However when I have applied for these jobs I was told because my experience goes back over 10 years they aren’t interested. Besides most of the telemarketing jobs have left this country anyway. Then again being overqualified prevented one employer from hiring me.

Strike 4: I can’t work weekends. Saturday I am usually involved with activities at church (including mass)and Sunday at the American Legion. Many employers will only hire people who can work weekends and these jobs tend to be inflexible. It can be argued I can give up these activities but to be honest they are the only thing I have going in my life now (and at the American Legion I see the guy I am interested in who is apparently interested in me). Giving up activities I enjoy to work a job I know I would hate would depress me even more.

Strike 5: I can’t stand for long hours. When I did these jobs I was much younger and no arthritis. Now I have arthritis and it can get severe at times. This isn’t an excuse this is fact. So I would hurt myself and likely fall over and not have insurance.

This economy is really ruining so many lives.

Last week I had an interview that really excited me. The job not so much but it sounded intriguing and the company is ranked one of the best in the non profit category. This was a company I had interviewed with twice before and in fact in 2004 offered me a job but I turned it down because the pay was too low and another company offered me more (sigh, the good old days when I had several offers). Not just that but my cousin by marriage is a director there and I was sure I had an “in”.

I go to the interview and of course it consists of the usual ‘what would you do’ questions. Luckily most of them were pretty easy and not worried. They seemed impressed by my marketing background. At the end of the interview the guy said to me “we will be calling people for a second interview and I know we will call you”. He even smiled as he said it and I was SO sure this was it. I mean why say that if not interested? I had several skills they really wanted but didn’t think they would find, like a Spanish speaker. Need I mention what happened next? yep “thank for your time but we have decided to pursue other candidates”.

I am sick of this.  Okay if they weren’t interested, why say they will be calling me back? Why give me hope? If you had said “we’ll let you know” I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. But nope, it almost feels like this was intentional.

Then on top of it I got another rejection for a job I also had the qualifications for.This one I got an email telling me they would be calling me for an interview, only to be followed the next day by a rejection BEFORE I got an interview. A job I REALLY wanted (that is 2 blocks from me and next door to the library)never called me either way and it’s been 3 weeks so I have given up on them.

I don’t even get it anymore. Is it my resume, my interview, something else? They use various excuses from I am under qualified then I see the person who got the job and it is often someone LESS qualified. I more often get the over qualified excuse but then wouldn’t someone want someone more qualified? Sure it can be argued that person won’t stay but in this economy they may do that.  People are desperate and many are willing to work for far less than they should make. I SHOULD (should being the operative word)make $50,000+ but I rarely see these jobs and am willing to make minimum wage.

What sickens me most of all is some of the people who get jobs. My next door neighbor’s son is a convicted thief who has been in and out of prison out of the last 10 years. He has been arrested for stealing several times, including shoplifting, stealing from the bowling alley, stealing at another bar (while waiting for court)then stealing again. This isn’t even talking about his various drug offenses, hitting a cop and smoking pot in front of a cop. Yet HE managed to find a job and had someone give him a chance. However me, who received one speeding ticket in my life and arrested once for battery (when I hit my ex friend’s boyfriend, this case was thrown out of court)isn’t worth giving a chance to. I have even offered to work for free but nope.

I am no Bush fan, in fact I firmly believe he ruined the economy (though Clinton didn’t help with NAFTA)between outsourcing and most importantly the wars. I am no fan of the Republicans as I believe the current branch are for the most part help the rich and screw the poor. I also think the birthers are for the most part racist.

Having said that, Obama is scaring me by his actions. I voted for him in 2008 and was thrilled he got elected. I said to myself “finally, a politician who gets it”. However in the 4 years I have become cynical and think he is doing more than a few things that scare me.

1. Obamacare. Don’t get me wrong, I feel we need universal healthcare but this isn’t it. It will increase taxes and I am cynical enough to feel it won’t help people like me, but instead I’ll have to pay for a program that doesn’t help me. In Illinois childless people are not eligible for Medicaid so I suspect I’ll have to pay and still not be covered with money I don’t have. Not to mention it really doesn’t deal with preventative care, as in change lifestyles before getting medical. Many diseases today are caused by things like obesity and if preventative care was included this would lessen. Maybe it is included but haven’t heard much about it.

2. Birth control and abortion. Contrary to what Obama thinks they aren’t a right.  The Catholic Church opposes them and to force them to cover them is an outrage. Do I agree with the church on this? no. Personally,  I have no issue with people using these (though someone who uses abortion as a form of birth control and repeatedly to me is a sociopath)but I think it is wrong to require organizations that oppose it to carry them.

3. The illegal situation. I have seen many stories over the last few months and while nothing has happened yet it seems like Obama wants to legalize them. Why reward people who willingly broke our laws? Most of them serve no purpose and either take jobs away from our most unskilled workers or freeload off the system. Why import more of them? Did you know that in many states (including Illinois)you are required to speak Spanish to work for public aid or WIC? Did you also know that in Illinois pregnant women no matter their immigration status gets free assistance?
http://www.allkids.com/pregnant

4. Helping those in other countries. Obama actually wants to increase visas to other countries claiming we need additional workers. To be fair I blame both sides for this. However, here’s another thing I just found out today and that is he wants to EXPAND funding to people in Indonesia can get master degrees. Why do they get assistance but not taxpaying Americans?
http://www.tradeaidmonitor.com/2012/02/indonesians-to-receive-masters-degrees-courtesy-us-taxpayers.

5. Curtailing freedom of speech. Yes Bush started it but Obama is expanding it but NDAA.

6. Punishing military. There is a guy in prison because he killed an Al Queda member.

http://www.defendmichael.com

Is he the worst president ever? Only time will tell but I told someone when he was elected he would either prove to be among the best or among the worst and so far am not seeing much to congratulate him on. The economy is still horrible and crimes are still up yet he decides to make it worse by Obamacare and not helping Americans find jobs. Like I said, I don’t blame him for this but he is giving me too much to blame him for.

I am very outspoken with my dislike for Indians. By this I don’t mean Native Americans nor do I mean people of Indian ancestry who are Americans. No, what I am talking about are the visaed workers who come here from India to work or those who are working what used to be American jobs. However my dislike of Indian men goes back further. When I used to waitress in college we got a lot of what I assume were Indian visa workers. I assume this because they had strong accents and would mention working jobs like computer programmer. Anyway, their hatred of women is strong and they think many American women are trashy or that we should be in subordinate roles. Last year I had an interview with one and he kept asking if I had kids because he refused to hire mothers, smokers or fat people. This same place interviewed me for a job different than what I applied for because the job I applied for went to an Indian worker. Instead they interviewed me for an assistant job which they then offered to me. I turned it down because the pay was low for what they expected (minimum wage to do the work of two people).

Here’s a story making news about a brutal rape in India. Apparently rape is common there. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57570164/brutal-gang-rape-sparks-culture-crisis-in-india/

Another story about a SEX OFFENDER who was working in Chicago on a visa:  http://www.suntimes.com/news/crime/16977714-418/jury-weighing-case-of-sex-offender-accused-of-groping-sleeping-woman-on-plane.html

This is the kind of trash that we often receive when we allow visaed workers here. I find it disgusting that American workers have to jump through hoops yet foreign workers don’t.

I have become an expert in job interviews and have figured out what some things means. Sadly this doesn’t mean I am an expert in getting a job, just going on many interviews. What employers say isn’t always what they mean.

“We have others to interview and we will let you know”. Translation: if no one else better comes along we may call you but someone better will come along. I have noticed in EVERY job interview where they said this it meant I didn’t get it. When I have gotten the job they had said things like they will contact me next week. I always assume they are interviewing others but when I have the job the others don’t exist.

The age questions. These range from asking when I attended  college to when I attended high school (because I didn’t attend college right away after high school nor did I graduate right away either due to dropping out to work and attend part time). These are overt but have been asked if certain things were common during high school or grade school, like was internet common during college (nope)or did I have a Walkman in high school (yep). I’ve had employers tell me my skills were “old school” and one employer in fact told me I was too old for the job because it was at a top 40 station and “only people in their 20’s listen to top 40”. I had to tell him that I know some top 40 acts but for the most part hasn’t listened to top 40 since I was in junior high or so.

“Yes you applied for the marketing director job but I decided to interview you for the marketing assistant position”. Translation: you are a woman and we hire men for the leadership roles. Yep have had this bait and switch pulled on me a few times where they intentionally interviewed me for the lower level job I didn’t apply for. Sexism is still alive in corporate America. This is related to the next one.

“We have decided this job will be something a little different”. Translation: there really is no marketing director job available but we put it in to get people but the job is really entry level. This one may or may not be the same thing as the above job but way too often I have gone to the interview to find out the job I originally applied for was changed. This happened a few years ago where a job went from $50,000 job to $12 hour part time. I don’t think this was a sexist thing but rather a way to get desperate qualified people willing to make anything.

“Tell me about a time you worked on a project with co workers”. Translation: are you an introvert or an extrovert? Employers generally want extroverts and introverts need not apply.

More to follow.

Yes I am desperate for a job, but the one I interviewed for today sounds way more than I want and too stressful. I know, someone is going to say why did I apply for this job, but I didn’t apply. I applied for a job as a trainer, teaching disabled people how to learn computer. Only they didn’t call me for that job, they called me for a secretarial job. Did I mention I really don’t have much experience being a secretary?

To list the duties would require several paragraphs but let’s just say it requires doing the jobs of several people, including HR, PR, the president, and much more. The job does things like file, type letter, work on databases, order supplies, send out letters, and even driving places. I interviewed with the president and he said he required near perfection and that he fired someone because she kept messing up. I wanted to ask what she did to get fired but was afraid. Then he handed me a large booklet all asking me for pretty much every job I have had in 10 years, my driving record, a page where three references fill out a letter of recommendation, a letter asking my colleges to release my grades and so much more.

What bothers me most of all is why didn’t they interview me for the jobs I actually fit and have tons of experience in? They are hiring several training jobs, along with a HR job and these would fit me. I actually applied for a training job yet they interview me for this, why? I didn’t even apply and the guy on the phone told me he knew I was overqualified but was impressed by my resume. I have to wonder how many experienced secretaries they rejected because they want someone (I assume)with various skills to do the jobs of different people.

This is why  people often don’t get calls for jobs they qualify for, because employers want people to do jobs they are not qualified for because they can do other jobs as well.

So how was everyone’s year? I have to say this was probably the weirdest year I have had in many years. So much happened and I can only assume it’s a sign of good things to come.

I started out last January by dealing with my grandma’s death. She had been failing for years so we knew she wouldn’t make it past 2011. However we were at least able to have her for last Christmas and she passed December 30, 2011 (sadly my brother’s birthday). Her wake and funeral were held the beginning of January to start the new year. In this year there were many deaths my family faced. My dad said they attended about 14 wakes this year alone. Some deaths were from people who had been friends but hadn’t seen in years and others were frequent visitors.

However, the biggest change in my life this year was becoming as involved as I did with volunteering. In January I called the church to find out what I needed to do to become a religious education teacher. What inspired me to do this? I have no idea except perhaps my grandma gave me signs from the grave. She was religious and would be proud that I started doing this. I actually believe that I was destined to do this and that teaching is my calling. I have always wanted to be a teacher but was told for many years not to do it because of the money. However, the money being a teacher at school can be decent but I really want to become a teacher at a religious school. While being a teacher at church is volunteer it enriches me more than I could ever imagine. I am enjoying it so much and look forward to going every Tuesday.

In addition to being a CCD teacher I have become involved with the American Legion. I had done some volunteering on and off with the car club affiliated with them for years because of my parents. However, my parents stopped doing as much because the last manager was nasty to them. She was fired and they brought in new employees who are amazing. They actually have great ideas and many are fun activities. They started a program called Adopt A Soldier and I have become very involved with this, from marching in parades representing it, to working various events to raise money such as last year’s county fair (I live in the same town as the county fair). In addition to this I joined the auxiliary and have started volunteering for this. As many of you know my brother is in the army so the military is big with my family. I was also briefly enlisted in the navy but medically discharged. Interesting to note that my parents have been friends with most of those in charge of the Legion for years but only now did my dad decide to join the Legion. His one friend in charge asked him why it took too long for my dad to join because he’s been bugging my dad for years to join.

The Legion though may play a part in something else in my life. Back in January my parents decided to give me a membership to a Catholic dating site. I had been on other sites with little to no success because so many of the secular free ones are full of married men, perverts and many other weird guys. Not to mention I have a definite rule where I don’t date dads and guess who mostly contacted me on the secular sites? Not just dads but often men with multiple baby mamas. Yuck. I met one guy from Plenty of Fish this year who was decent (and never married and childless)but he decided he wasn’t interested in me at all, and to be honest I wasn’t into him either. So then I tried the Catholic site but really struck out too. However, while most of the guys were not perverts or dads, most wanted much younger or women they could control. I was talking to this one guy who seemed okay until he told me he believes all women should be moms, should be at home because they are taking jobs from men and that men should be allowed to hit their wives. When he told me he hit his ex when she got in his face I knew I didn’t want to meet him. I met one great guy from the site and we keep in touch but he lives 6 hours away and is 10+ years younger so we are just friends. Once my membership expired I left the site.

In the middle of all of this my mom’s friend told me about a guy in town who owns a store. We met and seem to click and share the same views and values. Oddly he seems to fit everything I want in a mate, only so far he hasn’t asked me out. I think he is interested though but just scared. He is involved in the American Legion (he is an officer)and in a strange irony he also joined the groups there that I did. My parents adore him and his mom told my parents she thinks I am a nice girl. At an event she pointed me out to a friend of hers and said “that’s Dawn”. I also met his sister and she knew who I was so apparently he told her. At events he stares at me all night long. Mutual friends have told me he is interested but isn’t sure how to approach me because he is intimidated by me. So I am taking it slow and getting to really know him and am finding I like him more and more every time I see him. However recently I found out about some personal issues he is dealing with (his mom is elderly and his store is struggling)so I wonder how this affects it all as well.

However, perhaps the strangest irony about this year is the fact I am getting interviews for MARKETING jobs. I haven’t had these many marketing interviews in years.  I was getting interviews for instructional designer jobs but not many marketing and now I am.

It’s weird I had several years of doing nothing now am doing a lot and did a lot this year. Is this a sense of things to come? Maybe and I hope 2013 continues on a positive note and that I finally get a job. I am going back to school but am hoping to have a job as well while I attend college and am checking into several scholarships for education.

With Veterans Day I am always reminded of my personal situation and in the last few years it has become stronger. Basically I fall in between because I did serve in the military but did not make it through boot camp. For years I never considered myself a veteran but now I will talk about this experience.

I probably need to explain it better so it makes more sense. When I was 17 instead of going to college I decided to enlist in the navy. I did this for purely selfish reasons, such as I figured they would pay for me to attend college while paying me money. In my immature mind I remember thinking “free money” and in the fantasy I lived in a fantastic condo in the navy, worked during the day while attending college at night. The recruiter was untruthful about what really happens in boot and I arrived at boot wondering when we got our cool condos. Ever see Private Benjamin? that is me to a T sadly.

I should mention though that before I got to boot that day the medical examiner at MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station, where you go to enlist)didn’t think I should have gone because my ankle wasn’t as strong as it should be for a 18 year old (I enlisted as a 17 year old but by the time I left I was 18). Long story short it did me in once I got to boot but in reality I would have been discharged anyway for failure to adapt. I was the last person at my age to have gone. I was very immature and would rather spend the day at the mall with my friends than working. I did really well on the running and swimming and physical fitness aspects, in fact I did better than the men (I was at that point a student athlete)but the ankle would give out at times and I needed a brace to give it support.

After a few weeks I was sent to the out processing facility to be discharged and met many others who were all being discharged. Some were discharged due to drugs, or being a lesbian (back then being gay meant an automatic discharge) and plenty were dishonorably discharged. There were a few creepy people who scared me to be blunt. Also, many being discharged (along with those in the company I was in before discharge) were from a different sociological group. By this I mean the majority were from lower income families where the military was the only choice. I was from a family that while not rich could have helped me attend college. Years later my mom told me she knew the navy was a bad choice for me and knew I would be discharged. A friend of mine (also discharged early from boot camp, only army)said he knew the ankle would cause me problems.

As time went on I basically buried my feelings of insecurity with having not finished my term of duty. I went on to college and graduate school, did a variety of jobs and went on with my life. If an employer asked if I served I would either say no or explain my situation. However around the 20th anniversary of me having served the feelings started to emerge and I started watching various boot camp videos. I also started talking to people who were also in the same position. I asked someone not long ago in the know if I am technically considered a veteran and they said yes but (and this is a big but)I am ineligible to receive benefits. I generally can’t join veterans groups (though I am not sure this means across the board)and when I die I can’t get a military funeral I don’t believe (though I am not 100% sure of this). Awhile back someone broke into the veterans bureau (or whatever it is called)and I received a message that my info was among those hacked. Every so often I will get messages from groups looking for veterans and they got my name from some list.

Many things from boot have stayed with me. To this day I will still find myself breaking into a march and singing a cadence. I also fold clothes the military way. I have to organize things a certain way and at most jobs my employers will assume I am a veteran because everything is orderly.

There are many like me out there because as many as 50% of all recruits never make it past the first 6 months.

This is probably the biggest question I have with regards to unemployment but why do I keep getting rejected for jobs where I fit the job to a T and would be someone the employer would like. However, this is not just affecting me now but my dad.

As I mentioned previously he had a job he loved as a maintenance superintendent. My dad’s skills are in lawnmower repair, small engine repair (he is certified in both), just cleaning up in yards like mowing the lawn, fixing cars (though he is not certified in this)and the like. People always come to him to fix their car or their lawn mower and he makes additional money as a lawn landscaper. Because he is receiving social security he isn’t interested in a full time job now but part time. He’s always been one of those anti college types who couldn’t understand why me and my brother attended college and both finished (me with a masters, my brother as a doctor). Knowing now of course I can’t blame him since I have been unemployed almost 5 years.

This brings me to this week. My dad happened to see a local store last week was hiring a groundskeeper/maintenance person who knew lawn mower repair. This store is a farming type chain and I know they have several in other areas but this is the only one within 100 miles or more. My dad heard they were hiring on Tuesday, he brought in his application on Wednesday, they called Thursday to set up an interview for this Wednesday. He had an hour long interview and was so sure he got it. Today he got a rejection notice. Honestly, why? there can’t be that many people who can do those things he can. I can only suspect that the person who got it was probably not as skilled and maybe not skilled at all.

Ok, let’s play a game called which one of these people is unemployed?

1. Scenario 1: I know someone who decided to switch careers to become a teacher after working in public relations. She went on to take classes to become a special education teacher and also certification to teach bilingual students as well.

2. I know someone from college who planned to go to Hollywood after college and become a star. He was advised to get another skill like teaching to fall back on, but he decided he wanted to make the trip anyway.

What if I told you the TEACHER is unemployed and has been 6 years and counting (outside of teaching substitute from time to time and being a part time teacher’s aide at times). What if I told you the ACTOR is not only employed but is a cast member on CSI which at one time was the number 1 show on television. Remember when actors were told to get a skill like teaching to fall back on? maybe we should tell teachers to get a skill like acting to fall back on.

This ties into me because in my 20’s I was pursuing an acting, modeling, DJ and singing career and was advised to get a “real” job.  I was told to go into the corporate world because that was a safe field. Ironic because I haven’t worked in 5 years and maybe if I hadn’t given up my showbiz aspirations I might be like my former college classmate. Simply put there is no “safe” job anymore.

I live about an hour outside of Chicago and what a difference that hour makes. I grew up in Cook County and got into politics there and let’s just say everyone probably knows how crooked Chicago politics are. I’m sure everyone has heard about the machine and all the nepotism. In fact I lost my job due to this nepotism and it’s as dirty as you’d think.

However, when I moved out here and so did my parents we thought we were leaving the corruption and all the bad things like crime. In the case of crime we certainly did because this town can be accurately compared to Mayberry. I think there are maybe 4 cops and maybe one or two are full time but the rest are part time. Even so if you see them at your neighbor they are probably hanging out there. At one point the firefighter were all volunteer. Oddly, almost 20 years ago I dated a firefighter out here long before I moved here. Not sure if they are all volunteer still. When one has a party, often you will see many people you know in town. I became involved with the American Legion and recently welcomed home a soldier and almost the whole town showed up. The town is staunchly Republican if you find a Democrat it’s probably the conservative type. Almost everyone goes to church and there are many here.

However, there is one part that is exceptionally dirty and it is the park district. This has a history of extreme corruption. The former park district director went to prison because he stole $25,000 from the budget and other former board members have been accused of stealing money from the concession stand. About three years ago a friend of my dad’s offered him a job as his assistant and told him when he retired he wanted my dad to take over his job. He retired (though we later found out he got irritated with the current director, but more on her later)and my dad became maintenance supervisor, which means being in charge of the grounds and lawn and machinery. My dad LOVED his job because he loved everyone he worked with from the director to her son (me and my mom called them his work wife and work son). He hated though that every time something went wrong or someone needed help he was called out, including on Sundays. They even had the audacity to call my dad at my grandma’s funeral to help but he didn’t answer.

To explain more about this in detail I have to explain about the head of the park district board. He and his wife own a home remodeling business in town. They are very hated because they screw over people and just plain psycho. When he heard the park district decided to buy a new building and remodel it, guess who ran for the board? yep psycho man. He won because there just weren’t enough people running. My dad didn’t like him to begin with (he didn’t trust him)because he saw what was happening and how this idiot wanted power.

My dad didn’t give it much thought though until a few months ago when the board president brought in a new guy, who was supposedly going to fix some equipment. My dad didn’t think much of it until this guy starting doing more of my dad’s job. He eventually got my dad’s job and my dad was demoted. This guy would run his farm business from the park district and do no work. My dad was upset but blew it off because he was happy he still had a job. That is until last week when he got fired because this guy lied about my dad at the board meeting. However it gets better than this, that day the wife of the park district head put on their Facebook page for their home remodeling company “I am glad New Wave Princess’ dad (obviously they put my dad’s name)got fired because he is lazy. I defended my dad and called this woman an a##hole. Next thing you know psycho biotch called the cops and they came to my house claiming I threatened her. Yes, calling someone an a-hole is apparently a threat. The cops said they weren’t going to press charges and it was a waste of time.

The director, the one we called my dad’s work wife? she turned against my dad after he defended her. Yes, nice, isn’t it. All because she wants to keep her job.

So tonight I get a call asking if I am going to vote for the Democratic woman running for the state rep position here. I said probably but would need to look at her recommendations. I saw she was endorsed by the current state rep woman who is a Democrat and I like a lot of her ideas. The interesting thing though is that she is pro life (endorsed by Right To Life), pro gun (endorsed by the NRA)and opposed to gay marriage and gay civil unions (endorsed by some pro marriage group).

What I don’t mention is the retiring state rep she would replace is also a pro-life, pro gun anti gay marriage Democrat. The woman in the neighboring district is also the same. In fact finding a pro choice, anti gun, pro gay marriage Democrat out here is very hard. We did have a pro choice Democrat (though pro guns)run in the district for the US Congress but was defeated by the corrupt politician who changed districts so he could control this area. This nut job is someone I despise so much and his group is partly why I lost my job. Sadly the woman Democrat lost the primary.

I guess why this surprises me is that when we think of Democrats we think of them as the more liberal ones and that isn’t always the case. What makes it even weirder is we have several well known Republican politicians who are pro choice and even cases where a pro life, pro gun Dem ran against a pro choice, pro gun control Rep. When this happens it feels so bizarre.

I have mentioned my views on these issues before but I believe in gun control to some extent (as in requiring background checks)but believe we should have the right to have guns. Gay marriage I don’t care if gay couples marry but also believe churches have the right to refuse. Abortion is probably the most conflicted I am as I do not want Roe Vs Wade to be overturned, nor do I want restrictions but at the same time I know myself I couldn’t have an abortion more than likely (though might in cases of health or rape).

The candidates these conservative Dems are running against are even more conservative Republicans so it really is case of two social conservatives. Interesting to note that these women are all union supporters, career women (most are business owners)and yet are opposed to abortion. However they support equal pay and things I like so they will get my vote regardless of the social issues.