Long story short: it is tough to find a good therapist in this area.
I cannot use the group that I used when I was getting divorced; they do not accept clients from this county.
I was given the phone numbers of 3 referrals when I called that group I just mentioned — one is way too expensive, one is at the more or less county hospital (too many stories about that place and right now, its status is in jeopardy; it may close…or perhaps be bought out by some private group)…and I cannot seem to get an appointment with the third group. They are supposed to be very good but you have to call in the AM to see if there is somebody available to meet with you…and you’re supposed to call each morning to see if one is available??? Why can’t I just make an appointment?
I have had no success with that group. This morning, they didn’t even answer the phone. On Thursday and Friday they told me nobody was available and I called right at 9 am when they opened for business.
So I am meeting with this other therapist. One I found by happenstance when I was involved with Bro and the partition; they are in the same building as the atty I used.
To make a long story short, I don’t think she “gets” what the real scope of the problem is.
She can’t seem to understand what it means to be alone: I told her I have no next of kin — she can’t seem to get it I am isolated.
There is nobody at all now — and as far as family goes, it’s only 3 cousins who are left and I haven’t seen them in years — you hear from them by phone or FB but man, it still is not family you are close to — she doesn’t seem to grasp that concept…
And is this possible? “everyone” is gone???
Isn’t this a problem indigenous to somebody much older, who might have outlived a child or spouse and other family members??
She is suggesting I go to meet up groups to get some friends??? Gee, I know about the meet up groups. If I thought they were a good idea, man, I’d have been there already, a long time ago.
Those meet up groups are like ships passing in the night — there also is no core group; that is to say, this is not an organization with a cadre of officers and a membership attached — and even so, I have belonged to groups like those: people come and go and the core group usually turns out to be a stale bunch. IT’s even like that with things like tennis parties, which used to be a major event for singles — you get the same group of people who attend those functions…usually they’re “paired off” with friends and you wind up feeling like an outsider.
I think also there is a fee to attend the event. They are all based in the city and the events are in pricey venues.
And any women who come to events or meet up groups usually are there for one thing: to meet some guy ASAP and to pair up immediately. You can tell which ones are desparate; you can feel it when they are there.:(
I saw this myself at those singles dances — all of the women looked alike: same black dress with the spaghetti straps, the same black pumps, the same shortish dark hairstyles and they all had a patina about them: all in a hurry to meet some guy.
(I was never a fan of those dances; I went to a bunch with that crazy girl I mentioned — the one who I told not to come to my art reception. This was wow, almost 20 years ago. The guys were fixtures — they use these dances as a social outlet; mostly they are talking to other guys who are “regulars”! — and the women were too hard up. I saw nothing great about those dances at all)
She cannot seem to figure out what to do with the job issue, either.
I am looking for somebody older who is skilled with those who are out of work for awhile. I don’t know if anybody fits that bill. Unless you have been out of work yourself and unless you were out of work for awhile, you won’t understand where it is at at all.
I seem to be “Stuck” with this therapist. I don’t know who else I can call and “try out” — I would hate to throw my money away.
I wanted at least 3 I could compare and from that 3, I was going to take the one I felt the most comfortable with.
This counselor reminds me too much of this “for free” “therapy” group that I stopped into 3 years ago when this mess with the partition was starting up. They didn’t seem to know what to say or what to do. They didn’t understand what a partition was or why I would be suing a sibling. See? An immediate failure.
I am coping with isolation, being uprooted, not being able to find a niche where I am living right now (I told you guys I would NOT mix with anyone in this neighborhood) , I am coping with safety issues that this neighborhood has, no job, no next of kin — and I got uprooted not once but twice: when I left the house and when I moved to this neighborhood. Plus my poor dog is gone.:(
And there also is the issue of what happened to those 2 crazy “friends” that I used to have. That somebody took off and you have no closure just plain sucks. Not to mention it makes you mighty edgy and paranoid — you don’t know who or what could have gotten into the mix that caused her to jet.
An empty bench and no contact with anybody that is a friend. The silence is deafening in here most days.:( And that silence won’t end until I can bring in even one person that I would consider to have as a friend.
“These don’t sound like friends to me” is all she said.
“Oh, you’re lonesome…”
Uh…..it is isolation that I am trying to grapple with. How the heck do you fix the fact that your bench dried up and now you’ve got nobody left as a friend???
I don’t know if this was bad luck or these 2 simply met their expiration dates or what it is but all I do know is that there’s nobody. I am now going to places alone and doing things by myself. There’s nobody to call and ask me how I am doing. No friendly voice at the end of the line nobody to say “let’s go here today” or “this weekend, let’s do such and such.”
(I have dozens of acquaintances, like I said — and I am afraid to get close to them as it is…who wants a friend with no job — and what the heck DO you say when they ask you “so what do you do for a living?” Expected you will have this friend for a long time and won’t they eventually say, “Why can’t this chick find a job? Why won’t she return to work?” You won’t be looked upon favorably.
I am trying not to come across like the 3 of us are 12 years old, or to make it seem like I am only there for a lonely hearts club meeting of sorts. The problem I have is immense — I want to nip this in the bud but now it’s a matter of wondering if you are wasting your time with the therapist you saw.
I had one meeting with her on Friday.
Plus there is the problem of being an older adult and being an older adult that has a chronic illness. What do you do when there is nobody at all in your corner? I have had 2 emergencies: nobody around to call where they’d be right over.:( Son of a bitch.:(
Finding new friends is going to be like dating…
And we all know how shitty dating is.
This will be no quick fix. No quick fix at all. You are weeding out the undesirable and weeding out those who won’t “work” for you. Time for me to be picky and choosy as all fark — I don’t want any more rejects or behavior problems.
No idea who else to call — I am at a loss. The universities here used to have a rolling fee counseling service available — that’s long long gone.
She may also think it’s just plain strange that I sued Bro. Suing a family member….uh, who does that, right???
These counselors also have to be ‘schooled” in what a partition agreement is…and why I had to do it. Already this is awkward and strange.
See where this is going?
I got slammed from all sides — over the last 3 years and especially over the last 12 months.
I am wondering now will I ever get restitution and help at all?:(
I concluded that I was doomed when Bro got into the picture, period — yes, as in the day he was born — and that the only thing that would have saved me from all of this would have been to marry somewhere in my 20s and still be with that guy. I’d have had a family — and probably kids — and more or less Bro would have been off my hands and somebody else’s frigging problem and not mine. What can you do?:(
Always a problem. My mother should have sent him off to a child psychologist when he started that nonsense in 5th grade. All of the lying started a couple of years after that. That merited intervention. She would not do it.
This is too good not to add: I just went to my “junk” email addy — which I use for certain things — and in that mailbox is a message from one of the meet up groups. They apparently won’t welcome you into the group unless you more or less ‘sit” for a 45 minute interview.
Good night, nurse….suppose you simply want to check out the event they are meeting up at??? This is a little invasive and asking for way too much.
So I am more or less “stuck” with that counselor.:(