Hm….very very odd (a “personal” event, not job related)

Since I am just bears and aces for odd happenings today —- wow, that blizzard was brutal and it’s depressing enough that it hit us — try this on for size:

I have a friend I will call Jane. Jane and I have known each other over 2 decades.

She is prone to being a little bizzare but I think this one took the cake:

She seems to have vanished without a sound.

The last time I heard from Jane was maybe a week and a half ago. I do not see her very often; I do not get to hear from her by phone often (and this is annoying too becaue I will leave a message saying hi and she never rings back). I usually hear from her from her workplace; she will email a few times a week and vice versa.

I sent her an email last Monday — there was a little sale and I picked up a buy one the other half off ; I figured I’d give the other one to jane — I told her I had a little something for her and added some small talk and got no reply. I figured she was busy with work or what not. Who reads into that, right?

I didn’t think of this¬† no reply stuff until maybe Friday — I emailed asking “where are you” and I left a message on Friday asking her if she was okay being the storm kicked in….

No hollaback….

The storm came and went — and no Jane.

She will pull these little “leave of absences” every so often; it is odd and I am not crazy about any of it.

And now I am wondering given all of these oddities, maybe I should let well enough alone and lave well enough alone: do not contact her again.

End this bent — and now what looks to be one sided — friendship[ right here; there are people I know who have done the same: they housecleaned. They got sick of being the pariah, the straight woman, the second or third or fourth fiddle, or tired of being the complaint department, got tired of being the one who had to call them first, etc — they simply houseclean and that is the end of the “friendship.”

Something happened a few months back — I won’t go into detail but I feel like she hocked me into doing it — and I never got a thank you for my efforts.

I find this disappearance odd inasmuch as that we just had that horrifc snowstorm — she knows I more or less am alone back here — where I am living is very isolated and it was downright frigging spooky here when that storm kicked in — and that I do not run with many people — and I never once heard from her at all.

And when she cries over whatever it is and you are there when she cries? Shit, it’s like she expects YOU to fix whatever is wrong right on the spot.

THis is why I am saying this is a disappearance. Fuckall, everybody’s got a cellphone — even her — so there is no reason and no excuse for not calling.

And no. Nothing “happened” to her. Unless you are at death’s door and you positively and absolutely are unable to USE a phone? This is a disappearance.

I refuse to call her again. “You left one message on Friday saying you hope she is safe and secure” — that is what I said, right? And even still, no call back?

Don’t settle for the crumbs or fish where the fishing isn’t good. That is my take on it.

What happened to her and why I am evidently being frozen out, who knows. Did somebody else get into the mix? who knows. Did she start seeing that crazy guy again…and maybe she doesn’t want me to know, and she covered her footprints and footsteps simply by deciding not to speak to me anymore? Who knows. Who knows what it is and who cares.

No more calls and no more emails to Jane. End of story.

Who knows what happened here?¬† it’s irrational and it is crazy — to me, if you are a full grown adult and you are upset at something a friend said or did:

You have it out with the friend.

You don’t just take off and more or less emotionally blackmail the other person. It’s also juvenile and bullshit:: you vanish and not tells this person how mad you are?

What can I tell you?

Time for a couple new friends. Get a full grown adult who is a great deal more broadminded. You don’t need this kind of scene.

3 thoughts on “Hm….very very odd (a “personal” event, not job related)”

  1. The item that sticks out in your story for me is that you were buying a gift for Jane. It was probably one of the “nice to do” things that you are inclined to do, but it’s jarring in conjunction with your complaints about Jane.

    We all hope that people will be kinder or more solicitous of us when things aren’t going well for us but it’s more common to get frozen out when things aren’t going well for us or it has become less convenient to see someone. People also tend to be wrapped up in their own lives to a significant degree.

    I believe that competent people pay a penalty of sorts for being competent. It’s the screwed-up people of the world who others often will rush to help, expecting the competent people to handle their own problems. Given a choice between being competent and having to rely on others, I prefer to be competent.

    Women routinely lose out to other women’s relationships with men. They’re going to live with the guy, and you become a lot less important, if you ever were that important, and the effect is enhanced if you were disapproving of the guy in the past. No one signs up for criticism that they can easily avoid, particularly now that you’ve moved out of Jane’s area.

    You do have the option of letting Jane go. Distance and changes in life circumstances separate people all the time, and from what you’ve said, the only reason that Jane would contact you is if she wanted you to do something for her. From your description, she might have been a friend, but not a very good friend in the sense that she was more of a long-term acquaintance.

  2. I once had to let a long term friend go. In hindsight I wish I had many years before I did. We met the first day of high school (she was a sophomore actually)and were friends over 20 years. Sounds like this was a long friendship but it had ups and downs for most of those years. A year later I transferred schools and this is when I should have dumped her because she started harassing me at home, making up stories and blackmailing me to my parents (didn’t work). We didn’t speak for a few months but then made up. During the 20 plus years we were friends she caused me to go to court (her boyfriend hit me, I hit back but they arrested me it was later dropped), her then boyfriend’s friend beat me up, but she convinced me not to press charges (I eventually did but the judge didn’t believe me) and so much more. Not to mention she would often have sex with creepy guys in front of me and ask me to join in (I declined).

    She’d get drunk and make a fool out of herself. She would dress sleazy to go to bars and pick up men. My parents hated her as did all of my other friends. Finally it came to a head at her son’s graduation. Her son (the product of her and her alcoholic married boyfriend)graduated high school and he invited me because we had a strong relationship. In fact he felt closer to me at times because I was more understanding. Anyway psycho friend started yelling at me and I left and never saw her again. I wish I did this years ago. Would have saved a lot of trouble. We started to grow apart once I finished graduate school (she never went to college outside of one class she failed)and had a corporate job. She had been jealous for years because I not only graduated but also because I had been a model and she was the one who wanted to be one. I realized then we weren’t much alike and having a flighty bimbo friend in your 20’s is one thing but once you reach your 30’s you want more. Then when I started having sexism problems at work she said I was wrong because men should make more. Ironically her husband was a bum who refused to work. I don’t miss her.

    1. I had one of those too, the sleazy go-to-places to meet guys type.

      Her thing was singles dances. These are businesses that rent out a hotel ballroom for the night and charge $20 or a bit more for admission.

      For this you get nothing for your money, except a parade full of guys who more or less use this dance as their “night out.”

      I got rid of her right before Hurricane Sandy. Long story; I called her and told her it would not be a good idea to come to my art show and therefore, she was uninvited.

      She never called me to ask me what happened or why I changed my mind.

      Where does a nice Baby Boomer person go to meet viable, decent and fun and with-it ladies to have as friends? That is the question.

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