Another year gone.

And I am still here.

I have spent the last 3 days cold calling it and visiting social services.

It was a good move for the town to hire a job “counselor” of sorts but it’s still not enough.

I asked her if she knew of any jobs where one can be a very quick hire — even something warehouse – she suggested that I try the outlets “they are always hiring and so is Wal-Mart.”

I am not eligible for disability, according to my doc — so that’s out.

I don’t know what I am going to do.

Getting back to that nonsense at UPS:

Where I come from, no employee at any company I worked for was ever permitted to “officially” complain about another one where the complaint would go on official record.

If there was a problem (performance or other) a manager or boss or supervisor was given the task of rectifying it or as a very last resort, “wrote up” the employee in question with an incident report or a first warning.

Or you call the person into your office and say to him,  “hey, Jim — something’s come to light here and we need to talk about this….” And you have a discussion! THAT IS WHAT YOU DO!

So some *%&%# goes “blahdeblahdeblah” and presto chango, you’re the village idiot? Great!

When I was working for the lab, we had this night tech who was constantly late. She was to start at 11pm but at least 2 days a week she was late by at least a half hour. (I suspected she had a 3-11 job elsewhere and this is why she was always not on time but that’s another story — the bosses never fired her because nobody wanted the night shift)

I did not dream of saying something to her! Leave this to the lab supervisor to take care of – he SEES her time card, right? He knows you are staying past your 3-11 shift, waiting for her!

Nor did I dream of running to personnel and complaining!

The wrong way to do things: how do you know these 2 employees perhaps had a problem plain ole getting along or how do you know the one who complained just did not like the person he is complaining about? Jane’s performance is fine but Jill simply cannot stand Jane.

Simply because you don’t like your coworker is  NOT a legitimate basis for something to show up on somebody’s record. A shit way to run things.

There was a manager/supervisor who had a “Territory” of that entire building, with several departments! I only saw him once a day: when I was leaving so he could sign me out for the day. He nearly never visited that customer desk: I saw him do that twice, in the whole time I was there.

All of this is straight out of Dilbert.

I don’t know how all of this came to be. I really don’t.

What do you do? You’re waiting for a miracle to happen, or a job offer to happen or another job ad to appear where you can go “maybe this will be the one.”

And I am postponing the inevitable. Next week I have to see brokers and get a realtor in here. Maybe with some great luck this house will sell quickly, I can have half the proceeds and I can go live somewhere cheaply…and maybe even where there is a J-0-B for me!

Plus my dog gave me another hard time last night — I am worried about him and I am strapped for money for a vet — he has night anxiety and the anxiety is worsening. it is now carrying into the full daylight hours — he is difficult to handle and I don’t know where to keep him where he won’t pace or get hurt or run into trouble during the night time hours.. He usually paces all night long. I can’t stop him from doing it (I should have crate trained him when I got him but that’s past now)

He is 75 pounds and part of his night anxiety problem is that he will jump up onto my bed and sit on me. He will not budge; I don’t need a broken rib or a clawed face or some other injury.

He paces  the bed — he sits in one spot for maybe 2 seconds and hen he tries another part of the bed — and he paws at the sheets, the pillows, etc.

With night anxiety, the circadian rhythm is off: the dog thinks it’s day when it’s night and vice versa: they will pace all night and sleep most of the day.

He’s been having the night anxiety episodes for about a year and over the last couple of weeks they have gotten more frequent and more intense. I am trying to treat his problem without having to run up some sort of expense in the process.

As you can see I am also having other personal problems. (I also have a little bird that went home to his reward about 2 and a half weeks ago) Another crummy year. Nothing else much is new here.

Last night I took the babygate and stretched it from the bathroom door to my bedroom door — he had only access  access to half the kitchen and this room; he can’t get to me in the bedroom. Poor thing — he was so glad to see me when I got up and went to go find him this morning.

So sad, all of it.

I am not one of these animal weirdoes or a “dog lady” or anything like that — but especially in a time like this, my dog is important to me.

I don’t know what’s ahead for me.

And at this time last year, I was sure that the 2 of them would be out of here and gone by end of May — I must have rocks in my head. This is now an official year that all of this has been going on — happy Anniversary, bro; enjoy it: you deserve nothing at all in life and deserve “a lot more where that summons came from” a year and 3 days ago —- and all of this is way too much to take.

I spoke to a realtor this afternoon and I really did not like them — I am wondering if I should have them here as a “for instance” and that’s all.

It’s all too much to take, every last bit of it. I watched another year crash and burn. How much of this are you supposed to take?



Leave a Reply