My tough choice…and yes, he called the cops again….

Yesterday to the atty: to tell him I wanted the house to be sold.

It is going to happen anyway — a judge will be reviewing the case and he will decide what the damages are. Right now it looks like I will be lucky if I get half of the monetary damages.

I said to Atty, is it okay I tell Bro first?

He said yes. Atty is getting a letter sent on Monday; I am resuing, more or less, and the atty will be the one to get the summons. It is going by mail — as per my request.

At 4 pm I knocked on Bro’s door. He was there alone.

He told me to come in.

I told him the house was being sold and could I also please have the keys to both doors whyere the locks were changed last fall.

“NO!” he said. “Speak to my atty about this!”

I told him his will be getting a letter and I wanted Bro to know first in person by me.

“NO, I will not allow that.   I am going to keep living here!  And get out of MY house.” This from him.

I said, “And while you are at it, could you please give me a copy of the keys from the locks changed last fall?”

He refused. “I don’t have to give you anything! Get out of MY house!”

I said “Sure, go call. Whatever you want…”

He called after me “You came at me with balled up fists!” No I did not….this is the same shit he told the cops 6 months ago.

And true to type — I knew he would do it and I forewarmed my atty before I left yesterday that Bro would call the cops  — he called the cops again.

He whips out his cell phone and announces to me, “911 BABY! I’m gonna call the cops on you; you came at me with balled up fists. I am getting an RO out on you.”

Not true about the fists…same shit he told the cops in March.

I said, “Sure, go call.” I leave.

I heard him tell the cops “…and she demanded my keys and told me to get out.” NOT TRUE!

I went downstairs and immediately told my atty what happened; I left a message for atty  immediately after Bro said he was calling the cops, just to put it on record.

; I just got off the phone with atty — it’s now about 5 pm.

The whole conversation between Bro and I took perhaps 30 seconds.

The cops come. They heard me out and told me to go.

While we were waiting for the cops he bragged, “911 baby! The cops are coming!!!”

And when the cops left, he called GF, I guess and more or less bragged he called the cops and then he called a second person and did the same. “Well, I did it. I called the cops AGAIN….”

The cops heard my side of the story….again — and then the cop said, “Let the attys take care of this.” I said that they were and bro got some bad news he didn’t want to hear. And that is why he called.

I am guessing that second call went to GF #2. Holy crap….how much more silly does it get than this???

Then he got into his car and left,  after the cops were gone, presumably to file a restraining order against me — yeah, he said he was going to do that too. He told me while we were waiting for the cops. (and I guess this is the part where I beg him tearfully not to do it? I am guessing also this might also be part of his  way of getting me to call off the lawsuit completrely.

This is another Boy Who Cried Wolf thing to me — but wow, how many times am I going to get this shit from him???

A judge is only going to move that this house be sold. It’s inevitable — I made the decision for my own good. Better I decide than have him do it, you know? Woldn’t you want to do the smart thing and perhaps get a jump on the game and look for places to live, clean out your apartment in advance, etc????

“I will remain HERE! I am not going anywhere!” Really, Bro?

When the second cop spoke to me, I told him what was happening and that Bro will probably be a frequent flier while the duration of the lawsuit is in process — and that Bro will probably be calling cops clear up until the day he is to be out of here when the sale of the house is final.

How many damn phone calls is he going to make? What do the cops do in a case like this?

Just another shitty day in paradise….

He is insisting he paid up all the taxes; not true. I got a delinquent notice for the 3rd quarter; that was last Friday. Atty has a copy of it. (this would be the quarter payable August 1) I told him no and he is STILL telling me yes. This is a fantasyland this guy is in…unless another Dude and Bro with the same last name live in this house too and the delinquent notice is really for THEM… I dunno….

I did not tell him he was more or less being re-sued for the damages and whre there will be lien put on his part of the property. I did not tell him any of that — I did say “it’s inevitable; better you know now.”

This is his  only ammunition: calling the cops.

And oh yeah, he said to me — this is while the cops were wating, “I will have you thrown out of here and removed from the premises.” Go ahead and try to scare me.

On Monday I will ask for a copy of that police report. I will probably have to wait for a week or so because the prosecutor has to redact parts of it, the same as they did with March’s police report.

You know that since September I have been avoiding Bro and only talking to him when needed.  Why even bother to talk to him when it is not a necessity? I have no more “use” for him; he’s going to be gone and why should I even want a relationship with somebody who’s lied to me and lied about me and has a resentment issue with me for years? I am fussier than that, try.

He also said “She’s been out of work for 6 years. What damn effing business is that fo theirs? I didn’t hear the rest. No doubt he told them he had to support me or something.

There is no way he could keep this house for himself — he is on part time status where he works and it is retail. He has a 2 and one half day schedule. Who is he trying to kid?

I know Bro like a  book — I was right on the money when I said yesterday that Bro will probably call the cops again when he gets the good news. And what was he waiting for? For  me to cry “no no don’t do that”??? This is manipulation and almost a mild form of harassment. “Oh, I’ll say shit and make her look really bad” is what he is thinking? Making me look bad is also perjury. A crime punishable by jail time, I believe.

I wanted to get things moving here: basement cleaned out, realtor here to advise if we should sell as is or fix what needs to be fixed and so forth — but looks to me now that isn’t going to happen until a judge decrees the house is to be sold.  And I take a hit on the damages, too.

And I want a judge to say to him at the hearing that he is NOT to hold up or impede the sale in any way at all.  As it is right now he is putting up a roadblock in every possible way.

I am ready to snap — I want this house sold and gone and have this little bleep out of my life as soon as possible — and even then, that’s not going to make my money come back or erase years of damage HE has caused. The lying alone is sick enough. Too damn bad this house wasn’t sold years ago. When I had time and a job and money on my hands; be done with him and this home and move on.

21 thoughts on “My tough choice…and yes, he called the cops again….”

  1. You made the right choice. Co-dependence is never a good thing. Plus, if he cannot pay for the house expenses and you cannot, then you just have to be realistic and move out. Economics is deciding things for both of you, but your brother is not willing to be realistic about the situation.
    Do me a favor and read the article by my friend Thomas Smith that I wrote about here. I would like your input on it.

    1. I think I made a mistake by personally telling him; 5 people told me I made a big mistake and got what I asked for when I told him…but like I said: hey, Bro: would you rather hear it from somebody else, or me???

    2. The Infamous Dual Role Job…. yes, I read your friend’s blog and article.

      This is happening more and more; other people I know have had it happen to them — you are hired for one thing and when you get there, some kind of weird bait and switch happens.

      Or the job you are hired for vanishes and you are given a whole new other role, and one you may not have any experience in.

      Or you’re hired and your workmate in your department quits — they decide not to hire out for that person and hand all of that person’s work to you.

      The only way this kind of thing was “never allowed” was if you were in a union, but even that is up for grabs, too. I’ve been in a union and I’ve seen roles change, like it or not.

  2. So what do I do with this guy now, all the way up until the time this house is sold?

    Do I get a daily screamfest and fit-fest? How do I stop this nonsense? And what do I get, him threatening to call the cops again and again and again?

    He cannot keep calling the cops. And if they looked at the prior report, they will see he blatantly lied: in March he mentioned the sale of this house — wow, in March that was nowhere on the agenda!

    I am sure the chief of police or somebody in charge meets with the cops on duty and they have a “report”, kind of like how the nurses used to do when a shift began — would a “boy crying wolf” be part of the agenda — and what would be done about somebody like that? I am guessing the cops will not be wont to report here if they keep on getting calls from Bro about the same ole thing.

    He is being difficult and screaming and being confrontational because he can. This is how he always has been and yes, to me, it is almost like this is a form of harassment of sorts. Adults don’t act like this. And I am going to have my hands full with this guy — I wish I knew where I could go to get some real advice how to cope with him until everything is finalized and wow, I have no idea when that could be — a YEAR from now? I’m at the boiling point now what with what happened during this past year — and I’m supposed to put up with more of this mess for another year to come.

    And in many ways, this is almost like coping with a close relative who has a substance abuse problem. it’s the same thing — they are trying to pin the rose on you and put the onus on you — that’s my take on it anyway.

  3. What Bro might not know is that he can be prosecuted for making false statements to the police. One of the more interesting charges that they charge in my town is disorderly conduct with or without fighting.

    There is also the potential of finding that something is a non-criminal case. You are in the realm of civil law, not criminal law, here. You are fighting over money/property, and unless there is fraud or theft involved, the police have nothing that they can do other than escort Bro out once the house sells.

    Very often, people lose their power over you when you lose your fear of how they act. Bro can call the police daily if he wants. They will take his report, and eventually, the district attorney will determine whether or not to prosecute anyone for anything. What Bro is likely to do is to provoke a hearing of your problems in open court. Suppose that he files for a restraining order against you to force you to vacate the house. He would have to have his lawyer do the proper petition, though sometimes it is possible to request one throuogh the police, who then refers it to the municipal or district court for a hearing. He will then have to appear in court on a date that the criminal court sets. You would be subpoenaed this time around. HIS failure to appear on that date without arranging for a continuance, and you can get one for free, by just requesting it, will most likely have his petition for the restraining order dismissed with prejudice, which means that he can’t file again on the same evidence/set of allegations.

    He can say “I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna” all that he wants, but once you have the order selling the house in hand, he can make it easy or he can make it hard for himself. Things don’t get really real until you have the court order, and he still thinks that he has a chance to bully you back into position, which is more or less bent over, taking his crap. If he complains to the cops after the house is ordered sold, they will simply tell him that he is obligated to comply with the order. THe whole purpose of partition is to force action where it could not or did not happen by negotiation. Anything in the house at the time that you go to settlement conveys to the buyer in most cases, so it’s in his interest to start paring down his stuff.

    You will need a copy of all keys for the realtor for the keybox that they leave on the front door so that the house can be shown. It would be great fun to have Bro sent to jail for civil contempt for failing to surrender the keys.

    In a lot of ways, you can’t stop his nonsense. You just have to treat it as background noise. He got away with a lot of stuff for a long time, and soon he will take a big hit. Another thing that he doesn’t understand is that real estate is taxed every year (quarter, semi-annually, whatever), so you never really own it. You have to keep paying the taxes. The property also has to be maintained to the standard required by the town, or else the owners are subject to various fines.

    1. he shold be held liable for some type of violation, like interfering with justice, for screaming and bellowing that he refuses to cooperate. And he just doesn’t say no ONCE — this is like a kid having a tantrum. He screams and won’t let up.

      “I don’t have to give you anything; get out of my house”? Haha. Really, stupid, this is getting old. He can’t scare me. I don’t have time for that; I am also fighting a battle of my own with many other things.

    2. What Bro might not know is that he can be prosecuted for making false statements to the police. One of the more interesting charges that they charge in my town is disorderly conduct with or without fighting.


      I went to see the cops on Wednesday and I asked about this:

      He can say what he wants when he wants — it is NOT a swron statement. If he lied while making a sworn statement, another story. A police report more or less is just a summary of who said what and what happens when the cops get a call to come to 123 Main Street.

      To me a lie is a lie and if you say so to a cop, sworn atatement or no, it’s still a lie.

  4. You may not be made whole for what he cost you, but if you are able to attach a lien to his share of the house, you get paid first from the proceeds of the sale before he gets the balance of the proceeds of his share of the sale.

    One could argue that you and Bro have an oral contract to pay an equal share of common household expenses like property tax and repairs because you are equal owners of the house. This means that you have a six-year statute of limitations on whatever he owes you from those sources. If he paid more than half of the expenses earlier than September 2008, he can’t make a counterclaim for that money to reduce what he owes.

    Bro could wind up with damages against him after the partition is ordered if he causes undue delay, such as not surrendering all the necessary keys so that the house can be shown or by not showing up at settlement.

    1. For all intents and purposes, just what exactly is this other atty telling Bro?

      This is his client but wow, what kind of advice is he getting right now from his atty? Shouldn’t he be telling Bro “comply; the sale is imminent”?

      I should have made sure this ended right there when he first refused to cough up. don’t let this go any further than “right now” — take him to small claims for the tax money and other money that he refuses to cough up and get an attorney to take care of getting this house sold.

      You cannot win with somebody like this. If he refuses once, it is on him — and if he refuses twice, or three times, or more than that, this is ON YOU. No way will you see that money. End it right where it is: with the first refusal of paying. Make that his first and last time that he isn’t paying up.

      1. Right now, you have the same status as any creditor, and you are in the realm of civil law rather than criminal law. Once you have the partition order, prosecution for contempt of court is a possibility if Bro drags his feet sufficiently. This is a misdemeanor, punishable by a fine and/or jail time.

        Based on the meeting, the attorney appears to be trying to minimize what Bro owes or make it seem like Bro has more options than he does. It is stupid to do so, but Bro may be lying to the lawyer as well. Once whatever retainer that Bro has paid the lawyer is used up, I expect the lawyer to “fire” Bro, and decline to work for him further. Clearly the lawyer has not asked Bro for a copy of his credit report or any receipts for expenses paid relative to the house.

        1. It’s clear he has lied — it’s been verified he never filled that oil tank! The atty can call that oil provider himself and speak to the same woman I spoke to. He’s also lied on the police report. Okay, not a sworn statement but a lie is still a lie.

          Look: this is now more than a year since I started the ball rolling. I’ve had it: emotionally and financially — I want this place sold and I want to go somewhere where I can start over and have some kind of a life.

          Bro has been asked for bank/checking account statements — in July he said he was in the process of attining them.

          It took me about 6 weeks to get about 3 pounds’ worth of checking account statements — he can produce nothing because there are no statements that back him up.

          And had I known tha despite the fact I have clear evidence he paid nothing, I’d have never pursued the damages at all. WHY is this still “his word against yours”??? this makes no sense at all.

  5. You all see where this is at: he is simply going to try to delay everything every step of the way.

    His atty should have that letter today, the one stating I want the house sold.

    I went down to see the cops. On a police statement, it more or less doesn’t matter what is said; it is just a record of the cops going out there to find out what happened. If he said all of this on a sworn statement it would be different. This wasn’t a sworn statement.

    He’s going to be told to cooperate?

    This I have to see.

    There are things here that need to be done and I need his cooperation.

    This is another story: I am wondering now if I was a victim of abuse by a sibling. He used to pull the same kind of mess on my mother — talked to her the same way and acted the same way — and it is too bad she didn’t haul off and box his ears mightily the first time he did it. Maybe he would have stopped at that point and quit while he was ahead.

    There was that time several years ago when he tried to hit me up for a loan — this, after he tired to take a loan out on the house. They did a title search and found out there were 2 owners of the home so that idea went south mighty fast. When he was trying for the mortgage, wow, did he try to make MY life difficult.

    I said no to the loan indeed and no, he didn’t get the mortgage….he got quiet as a mouse after that and his so called money crisis died on the vine. It was like it never happened. Weird indeed. I am still wondering what that entire scene was about; did GF want money? She was out of work at the time. Who knows what he wanted it for?

    1. The situation facing you will be the loan application on steroids, because he’s going to lose the house permanently, so you have to expect a lot of anger and crap from him.

      Suppose that he calls the police on you after the house is ordered sold by the court. If you happen to be home at the time, and it’s no fun for him to call the cops unless you ARE home, all that you will have to do is to show the police the paperwork to refute whatever claim that he is making about how you can’t sell the house. The advice that I would give were I the policeman is to tell Bro that the sale of the house has been ordered by the court and that it is in his best interest to comply with the sales order. Chances are that he will have to be escorted out of the house when it is sold, much like what happens in an eviction. The bad part for both you and him is that if it is apparent that the house is not ready to be put on the market, it will be difficult to sell and you will get much less than you could for it.

      I’ve wondered whether Bro is delusional for some time. As you point out, normal people don’t act that way. Feeling sorry for someone gives them power over you, and when you stop feeling sorry for them, it’s a very scary thing for them because it takes away one way to coerce you into acting the way that he wants to act. Girlfriend can be drained only so long and can walk at any time. Unfortunately, you are his best target because you are bound to him by the house.

      1. Delusional may be a possibility.

        He is most definitely being a pain in the ass and making a scene, simply because he can.

        What a mess, all of it. How much of this is immaturity, how much of this is simply wanting to be confrontational and how much of this is a possible delusion?

        GF has been with him for over 15 years. IF she hasn’t taken off by now, she never will.

        My educated guess is that until a judge orders this house sold, I’ll get the same song and dance from him. That could be anywhere from a couple of months from now or more than that. I don’t know when a judge would “see” the case; he hasn’t been served yet.

        He is going about his business like nothing is wrong. If I were he, I’d be plenty worried and if I were he, I’d be looking around for new digs right now. The more time in advance you have, the better off you’ll be.

        And if perchance he winds up in an apartment of his own? That ought to be fun: how is he going to afford a place of his own on a shitty retail salary? He’d better be looking for a roommate, too, as a just in case.

        As for me?

        I’m going to see what I can afford without being uprooted too much. Everything is going to be gone — and that’s not going to be easy. In one way or another things are “gone” for me right now as it is.:(

  6. This morning I decided that suing him for the damaqes won’t amount to a thing.

    Therefore, I spent a great deal of time and effort on rfounding up evidence that apparently is meaningless in the scope of things.

    There fore, I won’t sue him for damages; there is no sense in it.

    I want a judge to get a court order issued to sell the house. If I pursue the “get him for damages route” who knows how long it will take to get a condlusion from a judge?

    Useless is what it is. I will have to eat the damages and admit that none will be forthcoming and it’s better I make that decision rather than hear it from a judge.

    I have gotten no call or communique from my atty in regard to a reply from Camp Bro.

    That dirty bunch has had that letter my atty sent and has has it since this past Tueaday. it is no more or less Monday; when I call my atty on Monday, that’s what I am going to tell him: get a judge to issue a court order to have the house sold. Forget the damages.

    1. One option is to get the house sold first and sue for the damages later, but then the money will be spent. Your best chance to recover any expenses that are above and beyond your share is a combined action: seek the sale of the house with a judgement in your favor for however much money that Bro owes you so that you can get a lien against the house to secure the debt that he owes you The lien has to be satisfied before the house can be sold, just as a mortgage has to be paid off before the house can be transferred to the new owners. This amounts to deducting the amount of the lien from his share of the proceeds of the house and givng it to you.

        1. That is what a lien does. You would be paid, though not until the house was sold.

          If you expect to get 10-50 times what you’d get were the judgement awarded and the lien put in place if you sold the house immediately (and the house sold quickly) versus chasing the lien, it might be worthwhile to sell the house right now and not pursue recovery of the debt. Unfortunately, you still have to get the partition action ordering the sale of the house. What I don’t understand is why a judgement for the debt and the partition action can’t be pursued simultaneously. If you got paid for the debt later than the date of settlement of the sale of the house, that would be better for you than to get nothing.

          There is a point where it becomes uneconomical to pursue debt recovery, particularly if legal fees are involved, and that may well be a deterrent to pursuing the debt.

          1. And now I am being told it is likely a judge will only award me half the damages — his claim that he gave me cash to pay his share of the taxes is holding water.

            Sorry but if you cannot prove conclusively you forked that kind of money over to me, then your word means nothing.

            I had solid proof that I paid for the entire ride, by virtue of a check I wrote every quarter for taxes.

            So what happened here? Where in the grand scheme of things did it more or less be in favor of the defendant?

            So a court won’t see it that way?! Great!

            I decided Forget The Damages.

            It isn’t worth my time or trouble or sanity or health and it isn’t worth the money.

            And what happened to “our word against his” and “he has no receipts so he paid nothing to you”???

            I will not approach Bro until I get a written letter from his atty stating that Atty told Bro to fully comply with me in every step of the sale process. I will have that letter on my person if Bro hollars for the cops. I will show them that letter.

  7. Half of the damages is better than nothing, and you need every cent that you can get to make a new start somewhere else.

    I doubt that Bro’s lawyer will provide that letter free of charge to you, if only due to attorney-client provilege. You have no right to know what advice that the lawyer is givng Bro. A more useful (and free!) document to have in hand is a ciopy of the subpoena to Bro to appear, and possibly a letter from your lawyer that you are pursuing a partition action against Bro to have the house sold.

    Northern New Jersey was never a cheap place to live. I lived in Morris County 1982-85, and in Camden County (Barrington) in 1987-88. In both cases, I paid about $600 per month plus utilities other than trash pickup for a one-bedroom apartment. so the idea that rents have tripled in 25-30 years does not seem all that strange to me. I don’t know how heavily your area has been affected by foreclosures, but they are a factor nationally in driving up rent.

  8. There seems to be another delay with this letter, too. Gee, isn’t that a surprise.

    The deal is this: there are also the keys and he needs to hand those over —- we also need to start collaborating on this and there is also — and this is for the case of the daughter: holy gee, GF better decide shortly where it is she will be living — the kid has her heart set on a few parochial high schools in this county! Do it for YOUR KID; keep her in mind — before it’s pretty evident that the schools she’s chosen will not be commute-able to! (The test for the parochial high school admission is in about 6 weeks. Get moving and figure out where it is you are going to live, GF, instead of ignoring what is imminent. Wake the hell up; you KNOW what the outcome is going to be)

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