Situation deteriorating…:(

Yes, this is another Bro & GF post.

Another scene yesterday and I say they incited it because they know the end is near and they’re trying to do what they can to pin the rose on me.

I refuse to be stonewalled, bullied, slapped down or ordered around; this isn’t seventh grade at Lincoln Junior High.

The tension is awful and you can feel it emanating from them when they are together: sure; they know the end is coming and he is in the wrong.

No hearing tomorrow; the date was never given to Bro. isn’t that a hop in the ass, as my aunt used to say. So not until the 19th.

I am trying to ignore the 2 of them but for all the universe it is nigh impossible. I am going to more or less hide if I see them coming; I do not trust either one of them and forget walking on eggs. This isn’t for me.

To make a long story short: I told the both of them where to go and it was awful; I felt like I was in the middle of a bad remake of “Eraserhead”. Enough is enough and I’ve had it.

Thanks for the vent opportunity. Nobody is ever around when you need to talk to somebody.

16 thoughts on “Situation deteriorating…:(”

    1. That’s another good one. Ha.

      I refuse to trust them — and the gall to say to me “you do nothing all day” — this came from GF — maybe I’m having troubles with my health and I will not say what’s going on.

      How dare you even say that to anyone.

      They know the end is coming and they do not like it. That’s too bad: I had no choice: it was do something about this or let everything sink and let him keep getting away with murder.

  1. All the rewards for Bro are on the side of delay. Have you seen proof of service of him from your lawyer? When I arranged to have someone served, they mailed a copy of the service to me. Unfortunately for me, the person who signed the subpoena was the defendant’s mother-in-law, not the defendant. He’s been named in a burglary case since being convicted of theft against me.

    What I don’t understand is the reason for the delay. If it is just a meeting between lawyers, rather than scheduling time in court, it should be possible to schedule it a lot sooner, unless the source of the delay is failure to deliver the subpoena.

    As for GF, does she have some Daddy issues? If she is young enough to have a young child, chances are that she is 15 years his junior. If I had a steady job, I’d be saying, “I’ve spent $X, and it’s just not worth the strain to throw good money after bad.” If she’s just a school aide, they don’t make that much, and she might have financial problems from her past.

    We also do crazy things for “love”.

    1. Oh yeah, I got proof of service — there were also photos and the summons was taped right to the vestibule door.

      I say they should have mailed it. If it was sent certified mail, he would never have picked it up from the post office. That would have been in my favor for sure.

      The reason for the delay: HE is the one being given choice of dates! I don’t know why: he is the defendant! He tells his atty he works and blah blah — uh, he works part time. He has all the time in the world to be there. I have told my atty that he is part time and works for only 3 days each week.

      Her ex husband isn’t that much older than she is. I remember seeing photos of him and he didn’t look like an old fart in any of the photos. She is a full fledged teacher and she has to be making 60 grand or more at this point. That is how the money is in this state.

      I know she had bad money problems – and I have gotten planty of collection calls for her. THe calls have been coming in for over 10 years — they come in clumps — and I tell the collectors she does not live here and to remove my number from their list. (I think the reason for calling me is that they tend to call everyone at the same address, to raise their chances of getting in touch with the person with the debt — that never made sense. Maybe this address is a big high rise apartment building and I don’t even know who she is)

      I couldn’t get rid of one of the collectors — I had to call the FTC in Washington to ask what I should do so they would not call me anymore.

      The guy asked me for the number and he did research; after about a minute he came back on the line and said it was a book club that was trying to recoup its loss. He told me to tell them if they called again I’d sue them for harassment. That is what I told the collection agency and I never heard from them again.

      I have gotten similar phone calls for ex in laws. I am guessing they have a record of me being married to their family member and this is why I get a call. THat’s only my guess. The in laws do not live with me, they never have and I am not from their home town.

      He delayed the signing of the summons; it was alluded that he didn’t have the money for the retaijner and that is why he wanted 5 more weekd. He needed to raise the money and find a cheaper atty.

      That made it 70 days, not 35, for him to sign the summons and return it..

      Then I submitted data and other evidence; that took a while for me to get since the data was archived — and then it was wait for the other atty to receive the data and wait for him to analyze what was there.

      ALL of this has taken too long. WAY too long. It took them only 10 days to serve my husband when I filed for divorce. Man, this took over 2 and a half months for him to get that summons.

  2. I specifically came for legal resolution to get him out of here. I do not want to “coexist” or come to an agreement so that he can stay. NOPE — not acceptable because he will do the same thing he has been doing.

    He cannot and will not be cured. This is a 55 year old going on 10.

    And it is also unhealthy for me to have him here — I refuse to be a codependent again. Plus he’d get the last laugh. I spent a lot of time and blood and sweat and tears in this entire endeavor: I want him out of here.

    I can’t believe this is happening in my own home and I can’t believe this is happening in my life. What is positive here for me — what IS????

    And as I said:

    I refuse to be slapped down or be treated like shit in my own home. I have the alpha position here and the 2 of them know the jig is up; why do you think I’m getting such animosity? Why do you think they are so divisive?

    And he’s going to do what — threaten to call the police again??? Do I need this?

    The date is remaining the same. Thanks to Bro’s fooking around this is now another 7 week delay.

    I am sick of waiting and I can’t be waiting for him to decide to show up. As I said, that 4 way meeting should be the same as a court appearance: you go whether or not you like it. You don’t call in and you don’t have a choice of dates. it is what it is.

    I can’t believe this is happening in my house and in my family and in my life. All pretty bad and I don’t know which way to turn.

    Told me I do nothing all day? I should have told her straightaway what a pig she was and that she is just as characterless as Bro. I did tell her “how do you know that? Have you got xray vision and you can see through my walls?” She isn’t even HERE all day! And what a rotten thing to say to somebody is right: YES I could be having problems with my health! How dare you even comment on it. How dare you.

    A low profile is one thing; what am I supposed to do? Get sick over this because I can’t air my opinion to them? ALL of this has been wrong right from the start. Once and again: GF has a 60K a year teaching job. She has more than enough money to rent an apartment in this area. The former H is paying child support so this is all the more money you’ve got at your disposal.

    I won’t be getting the ouster money and I won’t be getting the rent “due” from her. I did not think so. I should have simply left it at the damages that he originally racked up and then listed what cash he gave to me, and when and what purpose it was for.

    What the hell, then, is this all about??? What is in my favor here??? The fact that she changed the lock is going by the wayside? That shouldn’t be — shouldn’t bet at all — and the way it should have been: I tell that damn locksmith to put the lock back to the way it was, give him holy hell and then do the same for her. That is how it should have played out.

    That atty was too complacent about GF changing that lock! and by rights that locksmith needed to ask her for proof of ownership. Maybe she is a crook! and when you sell even the smallest piece of gold, you are asked for ID! What’s going on here?

    I get the feeling that now this entire mess is MINE to fight for. I don’t like the fact that there has been delay after delay after delay after I filed this lawsuit. Delay getting the summons to him — 21/2 months??? WHY??? — and a delay with him askig for an extension or whatever it is called, because he couldn’t find the money for the retainer! Too damn farking bad: you have 35 days to get up the money! NO extension and NO extra time! He calls in sick to one meeting and the second one doesn’t happen because the date — that BRO CHOSE!! — is NOT given to him??? Bullshit. Just BULLSHIT.

    And I have the 2 of them acting like a couple of first class shits — both of them making comments and lying and making up stories and threatening to call the police — and I have to live with that until this case is over, whenever that is.

    Bottom line:

    The damages are X: it’s been proven. it is airtight.
    The house is assessed at Y.

    Subtract X from Y and that is his buyout. That’s the end of the story. No judge no “negotiating” no nothing.

    This meeting should take perhaps an hour or maybe an hour and a half TOPS — nothing to negotiate. That is how I see it. No fuss no peanut gallery litany from Bro, no nothing: here’s your buyout based on the damages. That is what it should be NO arguments and no other law figure stepping into this bloody mess: it is over in an hour and a half TOPS.

  3. If you offer Bro Y minus X for his buyout, he should take it in seconds. You need to offer him one-half Y minus X, because you own half the house. Unfortunately, you can’t make someone sell to you on your say-so. You’re expecting someone who has never done right in his life to wake up all of a sudden and show up at the lawyers’s meeting and be willing to own up to his debts of a decade or so. The only thing that might get him there is a bill from his lawyer for every meeting that he misses. Unfortunately there is no such thing as “contempt of lawyer” as there is “contempt of court” that would land him in jail for not showing up, provided that he could be found and jailed.

    In any case, there has to be agreement on the terms of sale between you and Bro as long as the sale is not ordered by a court. You still have to negotiate with Bro. If you say, “take it or leave it”, he is likely to leave it. I believe that it will eventually come to a court ruling that Bro and GF have to vacate by a certain date upon receipt of a certain payment because Bro has so thoroughly failed in his obligation to you as a co-owner of the property and because the two of you could not reach terms for the sale. Have your lawyer look into the landlord-tenant relationship between Bro and GF. Sometimes it is possible to establish one even without rent not being paid and no written lease in effect, granting her something similar to squatter’s rights. Having the house ordered sold to satisfy a court judgement might negate any landlord-tenant relationship. If there is a landlord-tenant relationship that is not dissolved by the sale/settlement, you’re stuck with them until she gets the proper notice, even with the court order.

    It is possible for reasonable people to come to an agreement in a short amount of time, but that presumes that both people are willing to consider the proposition. Bro also has the right to make a counteroffer to whatever you offer him. Based on what you’ve said, Bro is not reasonable, so every step of the process of getting him out of the house will take the assistance of a lawyer and possibly a judge or the sheriff. He is going to hang onto whatever ownership rights that he has as long as he can, and make it as painful as possible for you get rid of him.

    That you are talking about buying him out rather than having the house ordered sold and you getting half the net sales proceeds of the house plus his debt implies that you have the money to pay him off lined up somewhere, whether it is in savings or that you have someone willing to lend to you to buy out Bro. If you don’t have cash in hand or a pre-authorization for a mortgage today, and have to apply, that is more delay that works for Bro. He should argue that he does not need to vacate until he is paid in full, and should not have not accept a note from you for his share of the house. That would come under “terms of sale”. I was offered the opportunity to be the mortgage lender when I sold a house some years ago, and I turned that down, saying that I wasn’t willing to carry the note for them. He can insist on the form of payment that he wants. If you’ve paid for the house to be appraised, I’d expect Bro’s lawyer to request time to get an independent appraisal to make sure that your appraiser isn’t low-balling, even though New Jersey property taxes used to be levied (1970s information) at 100% of the market value of the house. My guess is that you might be better off to get an appraisal, because the property assessment isn’t likely to pick up the damage to the garage and the generally poor maintenance of your house.

    These are just a few of the delay tactics that can be invoked, and expect them to be played one at at time before the next is played because delay is the name of the game for Bro. He wants you to give up and go back to being the doormat he knows. What he neglects is the “sunk cost effect” that might keep you going for quite a while longer because you’ve spent money on legal fees. A more imaginative mind than mine can certainly come up with more sources of delay, such as a substantial premium to the market price for the house as HIS counteroffer to compensate him for the inconvenience of moving out. I’m surprised that they have closed the ouster action as a possibility, because you said that you are not getting the ouster money, or is that just postponed and reserved as a last course of action?

    1. The house was professionally appraised. His atty has a copy of that report. They have not called in an appraiser of their own.

      I have no idea wht kind of counteroffer he can make me, unless it is to buy me out. That’s not going to happen.

      My atty told me I won’t get the ouster money.

      She is considereded to have guest status. Not squatters rights and he can also have anybody live with him there that he wants. That is what atty told me.

      (What was needed here: for Bro to have never met her so this mess would only be between him and me but that is not the case)

      And I do not wish to go after her for any damages. I do not trust her and I saw a very ugly side of her over a decade ago during another incident that had nothing at all to do with the house. No way I’m going to go there on that one.

      1. An obvious counteroffer is to ask for more money in part to make him leave quicker. In foreclosures, so-called “key money” of a couple of thousand dollars is offered to people fairly frequently to leave quickly on top of whatever equity they still have remaining in the house.

        Consider the so-called “endowment effect”. We all think that something that we have is worth more than it is, and tend to demand a higher than market price to sell it. Suppose that the amount of money that Bro would get in a buyout was only a couple of years worth of rent in your area. You can bet that Bro would do all that he could do to drag it out, until the lawyer fires Bro for not paying the lawyer, because he has no future prospects of earning enough to pay market rent in your area. If he paid a retainer to the lawyer, chances are that it was not a large one, and the lawyer doesn’t have an obligation to continue to work on your brother’s behalf if the lawyer does not have a reasonable expectation of being paid. The lawyer’s interest (getting paid) does not align with your brother’s interest in keeping the house unless the lawyer can persuade your brother that it is in Bro’s best interest to take the buyout.

        People can and do get ugly over money. I am from a family that fights over money. When my youngest sister died in 2003, my elder sister went straight over to my youngest sister’s house to recover “family property”. The elder sister also threatened to sue me in 1983 because I insisted on keeping money that had been earmarked for my grandfather’s burial for that purpose, rather than to buy the youngest sister a car. The money was in elder sister OR my name, and I had a loan out against the CD. Now, elder sister could have paid off the $1000 or so that I owed and come after me for the money, and I would have paid it over a few months, just as I was paying the bank. I told her that she could hire a lawyer, but that she would pay more in legal fees than she could collect from me unless she could prove that I misused the money, as she tried to do. I prepaid my grandfather’s funeral expenses with that money, and gave her and my other siblings an accounting of how the money had been spent. I forgot to save $100 or so for putting my grandfather’s name and dates on the gravestone, so I paid that a year later.

        You wouldn’t get what you call “the ouster money” because you were never entirely denied access to your house. It is”only” impaired, and it is something that I would have chased immediately. As you keep saying, HOW DARE SHE!. I would guess that the amount of damages would be limited to whatever it would cost to put the old lock or an equivalent lock on the door, or to order her to provide you with a key without delay. Why they haven’t done that stumps me. They could then argue that you benefited from the change.

        You can’t afford to be a nice person, because being nice and feeling sorry for Bro got you where you are today. It’s time to channel your inner bitch.

        1. It is also the key to his apartment that I did not get — he and I have always had a key to each other’s apartment as a just in case.

          This whole thing is a mess, every last bit of it. This is all now a monkey see monkey do crowd mentality thing with them. What he says she goes along with and vice versa — and this is why I am lying low. That is MY best bet — and I do not care to speak to either of them. What good will it do me?

          I went through the same silly thing with an aunt of mine — my mother’s only remaining sisrer, Aunt Rose.

          She called me one day out of the blue about 14 years ago and she demanded the deed to the grave that my grandmother bought years ago. Somehow my mother wund up with the deed; I am guessing she had it after Dad died.

          No other relatives on my mother’s side died in that time, which wold be 1966 to about the year 2000, My mother’s other sister died and she is buried elsewhere down the shore and another sister was buried out in California.

          ANyway, Aunt Rose called me and screamed that she wanted the deed and she’d sue me to get it. I told her to go ahead.

          I never heard from her again…I “Sort of” heard from her 2 years later, in 2002 — I got a call frm my father’s sister that the family grave my mother is buried in — this is the one I had the deed to, via Ma — was open.


          This was a Sunday. No caretakers were available to talk to — you do know that accidents happen and perhaps the grave was opened by accident; one never knows.

          I vaguely wondered Who Died….

          But being I got no call from Rose or her son or her daughters…I figured nobody from their posse died. I got no call from any of the other cousins, either.

          I came home from the cemetery — where I went on Sunday, anyway, to unravel this mess somehow – and it’s a message from my cousin Anne…”Did you hear? Uncle Joe died?.

          Uncle Joe is Rose’s husband.

          Who do you think was now going to be buried there???

          Aunt Rose got ahold of the deed — same aunt that called me to holler for the deed — she told the cemetery people she was the last remaining sister and I was told by the same cemembary manager (during a visit later on that week after Uncle was buried there) that the oldest remaining child is more or less the gravesite owner.

          How is that for funky rules?

          Nobody called us to ell us Uncle died — he and aunt lived way down the shore somewhere — and I thought for sure that he’d be buried somewhere there, where his family could visit him more conveniently.

          Family sure can be kooky.

          1. In order to have my grandfather’s name and dates put on the gravestone, I had to have a form notarized that stated that the deed to the plot had been lost. My father claimed that he had lost the deed to the cemetery plot. I chose to believe him, and the form that I signed stated that it was lost to the best of my knowledge. Imagine my surprise when a couple of years later, my aunt expressed surprise that Uncle Mike (she’s my second cousin, and my eldest sister’s godmother) told me that was the first that she had learned that Uncle Mike had died was when she visited Aunt Mary’s grave and found that he had died as well. I went through a similar thing when the time came to inter my youngest sister”s cremains somewhere. I offered to buy a plot in one cemetery or another, but my elder sister wanted her buried with my parents. The cemetery administrator told me that I’d need to pay about $50 for a replacement deed because the second deed had gotten lost again. It was only because I am the remaining sibling who has the family surname (and brought my birth certificate along-I had to order another death certificate for my sister so that they could open the grave for her) that they were willing to help me. I was very limited in the size of grave marker that she could have, but we got it done. It turns out that I could be buried there, along with my other two sisters, if we all get cremated.

            Lots of people are determined to have their way, regardless of who get hurt. I figured that her cremains would wind up in a dumpster after her husband’s family cleared out the house after his death. As it turned out, her husband died a little over two years later. As far as I know, he was buried in his family’s plot, an honor that they denied my sister because she shot herself.

  4. If having the lock changed bothers you so much, have it changed to one where you hold the keys. You weakened your case for damages from her changing the lock because you have tolerated the changed lock for a number of months. I would have turned in the locksmith to the police immediately and sued him. Locksmiths are generally required to require proof of residency before opening a door or doing any kind of work around the house. If no one to vouch for GF could be found, then the locksmith should have called the police. Was GF so smart as to change her driver’s license address to your address before she even moved there? Maybe she never changed it from when she lived there before, which would explain the unending collection calls.

    If that makes you uncomfortable, there is a sneakier way of getting a key. If you can remove the lock, take it to a locksmith and ask to have keys made for the combination that is set up currently. It’s cheaper than calling the locksmith to make the key. You shouldn’t have to pay, I know, but when you are dealing with people who won’t give you a key, you are getting what you want in a way that can be defended in court should it come to that.

    They can threaten you with calling the police, but eventually if they call the cops, it will get to a court, which might be the best thing for you.

    1. I don’t want damages from her. I am guessing that if I do, it would be another separate case and another separate attorney. Forget it.

      She is small change. I am more interested in him and not her.

      It is funny you should mention her and this legal address. About 4 years back, some type of tax form arrived here, for her; “123 ABC Street” — my address and bro’s address here — is what she used as the mailing address.

      I didn’t know what to make of that; I didn’t even pursue it or ask him or anything. To hell with it.

      I dunno what she did — I don’t go through her wallet. She could have Santa’s street address at The North Pole listed as her home addy for all I care.

      I cannot remove that lock.

      I should have pursued this when it happened. I got in on the tail end of it as I was coming out of the bathroom — I heard 2 voices out on the porch and from where I stood — I saw the reflection in the window — I could see her and some guy on the pourch and I caught “lock” and “Wow, this is an old one isn’t it” and that is when I went into the hall and onto the porch to find out what was going on.

      If he refuses to give me the key, I’ll have to pursue it. Me against him and this is a whole separate case.

      This is a great big mess. And I am trying not to bring this ‘as the stomach turns” aspect into it with my atty — but unfortunately, Bro’s backstory and history is indeed part of what is going on here and it’s made this case what it is today. He’s never had a lick of sense and he doesn’t peruse anything carefully — over half a dozen years ago, he was all set to file for bankruptcy and he had no idea what the process enteailed or how it would affect him in the years to come.

      Life isn’t meant to be like this. I should have a good job and a dependable sibling and a great many other things (that I do not have) — the only worry I should have is where to go tonight with my friends.

      But instead, I have his mess.

      What happened here?

      Where did everything go???

      I got collection calls for my former mother in law and my former brother in law as recent as 2 years ago. She’s dead nearly 9 years by now so I guess this is something attached to her estate and in which case my former spouse should be on this; I don’t know why the calls were coming her for either one, unless it is because of the theory I cited. Calling me, figuring I know where either one of them are. So, no, I don’t think she is using this address.

      1. Companies will often send documents or attempt to contact someone at that person’s last known address. People forget that mail forwarding orders are good for only a year, and I think six months for magazines and packages, so unless she changed her address with the company, your address is the only address that they know about. Had she moved out a year or more before the document was sent, mail forwarding would not have helped her. I’ve been getting the W-2 for the woman who owned my house for the last two years from Social Security. I’ve written them a letter and mailed it back both times, saying that I bought the house in 2012 and that I have no idea where she is.

        You carried your brother for however long, and now that you aren’t willing to do it anymore and you want your money back, you are a fool not to expect a fight over the matter or for it to be dragged out as long as he can, betting that you won’t be able to stand it and will give in to his demands. You’ve rocked his world. Good old Dude isn’t there to drain financially anymore. Not to worry, he will find someone else. The useless always seem to find another to whom to attach themselves. This is a fight that should have been fought when he missed the first payment, not now.

        1. Yes, it should have gone for 2 quarters tops and then I should have done what I am doing now, while the financial impact was a somewhat mimimal one.

  5. Let’s face it that this caused by our screwed up economy. If you had a good paying job you would still be carrying him. It is amazing what a mess can be made when politicians are not also leaders. That said, with respect to your house key problem, I think that you should call a locksmith and have him make you a key. They can do this without an original because some people actually lose their only key. All you have to do is call a locksmith, and show him proof of residence. Your brother does not even have to know. :-).

    1. All that the locksmith has to do is to “read” the cylinder (positions and lengths of the pins), and once they know that, they can cut a new key for you. Taking the lock off the door and taking it into the locksmith’s shop to have a key made would save the service call fee.

      I did not have a key to the security door on my front door when I took possession of the house. It had been lost. It’s a double-cylinder lock (locks with a key on both sides). The door weighs about 200 pounds, so I couldn’t take it into the locksmith’s shop. I paid about $98 to have the locksmith come out to my house and rekey the lock. Had I been able to remove the lock from the door, it would have cost about $30 to rekey the lock.

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