Pity party for me

We were supposed to have that 4 way meeting yesterday.

Bro cancelled and cited being “very sick” as the reason.

I saw him at 7:15 am — he looked fine; he left here with a bunch of gear in a bag and he was popping around all day after that (his hours were also changed; I think he had yesterday off)

He faked it and chickened out. So now it is another wait for another day for this meeting.

In other news, still no full time job — the last 2 job ads were duds (nobody answered their phone at the first company when I called there to get more information from the hiring entity. I got a voice mail greeting saying what company it was and if you have a message to leave it. I can’t figure out what kind of a reputable company runs a ship like that) and the second company that placed an ad already ran a second ad, a week later.

I am guessing 50,000 resumes from Week One are not good enough for them, so they ran another ad.

I got a call from neither company.

It’s also been tough sledding getting a business started. About a month ago, I did a street fair kind of thing where I had a table with company info; I had about 10 stop bys and 3 possibilities.

None of the possibilities called to follow up. They said they were interested in a memorial and a grad gift but I have yet to hear from either person.

This was a potential of several hundred dollars’ worth of work, maybe even a grand, depending upon what they wanted… no calls from them. And IF I called them, it would probably be “I haven’t decided on anything yet….” so what good is it to get a phone number?

I am trying to start this enterprise with little or no money spent on publicity. How to get the word out? I tried fliers but very few local businesses permit a flier in a window; I got 3 businesses to say yes to a flier; 2 or 3 days later when I passed one of them, the flier was gone. I suspect the owner removed it. THanks a lot.

It just sucks all the way around. Summer always seems to be the worst when it comes to how I feel: maybe because the sun is out and the weather is nicer or something; I don’t know.

I am out of ideas and I don’t know which way to go on any of this. I direly need an income but how to get it?

For all of this to happen at this stage of my life. I can’t seem to get out from under and I can’t seem to find any direction — what a nightmare.

Starting a business is fine — on paper – but the real proof in the pudding is clients. And anybody knows a self run business isn’t a guarantee for a guaranteed sum of money each week; you do not collect a weekly paycheck when you run a business.

I also do not have youth on my side anymore. So what do you do to get an income?

I also am at wits end with the “roommate” upstairs. I had a showdown with her last week; I do not like it that she is here and it’s disrupted life for me.  (I had one with her back in March when I asked her when she’d be leaving — when she got here in September she told me “this is temporary until the end of the school year.” I didn’t buy that back then; she moved in all new furniture — second hand, anyway, so this was “new” for her — and when somebody is getting cozy with new furniture, ya think this is “temporary”??? — anyway, turns out “No, I have no plans on leaving at all” — I called her a liar and I gave her holy hell. Thanks a lot for lying to me)  Too many things have happened since she’s gotten here, starting with her changing the key to the front door…and I never ever did see a key at all.

What gave you the unmitigated gall to change a key to MY house????

And indeed — that damn locksmith didn’t even ask for proof of ownership! How does he know that she’s not a crook and SAYS this is HER HOME????? $R&$#$E!

“You are so negative. You’re suing your brother….” Hey, hold the phone: this is NONE of your business and if you can’t see where this is at, you’re dumber than I thought you were. You’re dumb for moving hin here knowing full well he’s problematic and he’s having a problem with me; this is a character issue he’s got, an immature issue he’s got and a pathological lying problem hes got and has had since about age 11  — and the second you saw he was being sued by me you should have lit out for the hills….of Spain, sis. And been gone before lunchtime that same day. And never saw that shit brother of mine ever again.

YEAH…if you were smart, you would have. Some of us are ever so desperate for a guy. Why do you find it good to sleep in somebody’s dirt?

If you were in my shoes, see what you’d do. Very doubtful you’d let it go.

And I could NOT let it go — I’d have lost the house and I’d still be arguing with him about forking over money!

It’s no secret that I do not like her. I didn’t like her the last time when she lived here and that’s another story in itself.

And then there was the scene where bro called the cops on me — this was in March — and he claimed I was going to strike him. Bullshit. The cops saw through this and told me to go about 2 minutes after their arrival; he was out there with them for a good 15 minutes after that and the Good Christ Almighty only knows what bro told them abo9ut me.

God help ME is all I have to say.  Half the neighbors saw this — how embarrassing for me.

And how dare you lie about me. HOW DARE YOU.

I find it hard to believe that my dunce “town crier” brother is keeping a stiff upper lip about everything. This has to be a bluff — him not saying anything —- because I am sure his atty has given him the full story about what is going on on my end, including the fact that I sent about 4 pounds’ worth of bank info to the atty that proved that my brother paid nothing in the way of expenses for the last several years.

I feel isolated and the alone-ness during the day is terrible. I am used to sitting behind a desk and used to WORKING for a living. I cannot believe how much time has gone by since my last real job — and factor in that I was unlucky enough to be diagnosed with a chronic illness after my job vanished.

I also had horrible bleeding episode that turned out to be endometriosis — the doc concluded this after I wound up having surgery for a cyst; prior to this I had fibroids. I had an ovary and a tube removed, thanks to this mess.  I am getting it from all sides, health wise.  Bad enough I lost my job; I lost my good health, too???

You wonder when it will stop and when you’ll get some sort of semblance of a normal life that is relatively worry free.  I cannot figure out why all of this happened to me.

Any advice?

Any anything?

Thanks in advance. I really feel terrible.

25 thoughts on “Pity party for me”

  1. Do what I am doing, apply for every welfare program out there. Also, apply for SSDI. Get screened for mental health issues, as well. Work the system. Once a person is over fifty, and unemployed you have to face the fact the world has thrown you away. It is especially noticeable today. Technology has ‘obsoleted’ a lot of people. You are one of them. Keep a record of all the places you have applied. Because there are so many, you should have an easier time getting SSDI. As for your brothers girlfriend, if she is getting alimony and child support she must be paying your brother rent or covering her expenses. This means you must find out how much more money your brother now has because she is helping with the finances. This extra money he now has will make rid harder for him to ‘wiggle’ out of paying you back. Ask your lawyer to get this information from your brothers girlfriend.

    1. As a co-owner of the house, you are entitled to half of any rent received from girlfriend BEFORE the debt that your brother owes you is considered. Even though there are parts of the house that are used exclusively by BRO and her, the fact that she changed the lock on your front door argues that she expects to have free access to the entire house. You no longer have the ability to freely enter and leave your house. You have to be let into the house. If your access to your property is restricted, you are entitled to compensation for it.

    2. This means you must find out how much more money your brother now has because she is helping with the finances. This extra money he now has will make rid harder for him to ‘wiggle’ out of paying you back. Ask your lawyer to get this information from your brothers girlfriend.


      I am surprised atty has not suggested this already.

      What a mess. What a horrific mess I have here.

      I *tried* with *disabilities* a good 4 years ago — I don’t think the disability counselor over in the dept of labor “got” what was going on with me. She had me signed up for a test that tested manual desterity only; I do not know much about disability counseling but I don’t think that test applied to me.

      I had them stop the test and I called her over to ask her why I was taking a test of this type.

      She was kind of nasty and not forthcoming. Finally she said “SO you do not want to be in this program, then?”

      I was trying to see if they could find me a job or have me in a protected class or something — and nothing panned out.

      That was 4 years ago.

      This “roommate” of his has to be paying for half of everything. All of a sudden, he’s got no trouble paying up? SHE has to be in on the game and I am not comfortable with that at all. She needs to butt out and get out and not even be with a guy who is in this kind of trouble…but what can I tell you? Some of us aren’t fussy at all what we get when it comes to a guy.

      He’s paid the back taxex, he says — and it must be true, because I do not see anymore outstanding tax notices coming here at all. I usually get the mail when it arrives.

      He has not given me a receipt. Let him say all of this at the hearing; I am not going to make this easier for him.

  2. If I applied for SSDI, how long will it take and how much compensation do I get??? Maybe a grand? NOT enough to get by in this area. Where would I have to move to be able to survive on that kind of money???

    “As a co-owner of the house, you are entitled to half of any rent received from girlfriend BEFORE the debt that your brother owes you is considered.”

    That is what I am going to bring up at that meeting.

    You have no idea what a big mess this entire thing is. Sick of it and sick of it all.

    I still can’t see how I don’t have a say legally whether she stays or not.

    “Even though there are parts of the house that are used exclusively by BRO and her, the fact that she changed the lock on your front door argues that she expects to have free access to the entire house.”

    I must be crazy: I should have gone to that locksmith and gave that owner hell. For all he knows SHE is a crook! You don’t ask for proof of residency and proof of ownership? FFS, if you sell a crappy gold ring that belonged to your Aunt Aggie, the owner of the shop will demand proof of ID!!!

    “You no longer have the ability to freely enter and leave your house. You have to be let into the house. If your access to your property is restricted, you are entitled to compensation for it.”

    That front door was never locked…but this past winter, I used that entrance most of the time — we were covered in ice for a good month and the ice was pretty thick and inaccessible in the back yard and on the back walk and on the steps leading to my downstairs engtrance, the one I usually use.

    As a matter of principle, who knows if I might be allowed rent from her thanks to the ouster?

    And she’s claiming she’s a paralegal and “knows all about this”? If you knew anything at all, you’d have never touched that lock. Period.

    I never did see a key. I am sure his atty tolk him about the ouster. Why I never got a key after that, who knows? I never got a key, not out of courtesy or out of legal necessity — no key ever was given to me. No, I don’t like it but what can I do? Demand it? UGH.

    And he had to be told about the ouster. That spreadsheet I compiled, the one with all the damages from then up until now clearly says “OUSTER” in one section. Why didn’t that atty tell Bro to give me a copy of that key???

    It’s like I can’t get out from under. When does all of this end — and I don’t mean the lawsuit — I mean all of it?

    1. If you have a recent estimate of benefits from Social Security, it tells you what you would get for SSDI under the part that says, “if you become disabled” or something like that. You can open an online account with Social Security and get that information fairly quickly. How much one gets is a function of what they earned during their working life.

      You’ll also have to get a physical to document your disability, barring that you already know that you have a diagnosis for a disease that is presumed to be disabling. Look up “presumptive diagnosis” on ssa.gov for a list of diseases.


  3. Does not this woman have a child who lives with her? If so, she must be getting child support contingent on her paying rent, expenses, etc. if this is so, then your brother must be getting money from her or her support would have to be reduced by the court. Does she have sole custody? Also, with your brother been so ‘unstable’ should a woman have her child around him at all? You should discuss these things with your attorney.

    1. You are right.

      I will have to speak to him about this.

      She has custoby but the kiddo sees her dad maybe once a week and o nly on SUnday.

      Yes, he is in debt and I know it is a substantial amont. Bring all this up to my attorney is right.

      1. Getting a reduction in one’s child support is not all that quick or easy because one has to petition the court for it, and I doubt that the father of Girlfriend’s child is able to do it acting as his own attorney. He’d have to do it, and it’s doubtful that he would get any retrospective relief. Legal aid might be a place for him to try if he’s broke, but they might not do civil cases. They might be able to provide some advice. From what you’ve said that the rent for the apartment where Bro and GF live would be on the open market, her costs may not have gone down that much even if she is presumed to be paying half of the market rent.

        Were Bro ever violent toward you, which might include loud verbal threats, you might be able to use that as leverage to get child welfare into the mix. This presumes that girlfriend cares about losing custody of her child. Another thing to consider is that she is forcing her child to live in the house of someone who can’t afford to pay for the upkeep of the house, which is a dangerous position for a child.

        1. ” Another thing to consider is that she is forcing her child to live in the house of someone who can’t afford to pay for the upkeep of the house, which is a dangerous position for a child.”

          That you are with somebody who has no character, along with no pot to piss in, instantaneously makes you not very bright and not very fussy.

          If I brought all of this up with my atty, I am afraid that would make me look like I have a case against her personally; I don’t want to turn this into a soap opera.

          She is small time change and really, only a guest here. THough I am not crazy about the fact that she’s scamming again and is likely living upstairs for free. You know Big Time Charlie; he buys friends and he is probably insisting that all of this is “on him.

          I guess that is “his call” and “his business” but I am still very very leery of somebody living on premise for free when this person can indeed afford to contribute, even if it is with him in an “our money” fund. I feel uncomfortable delving into that territory but wow, you have to look out for Number One and yeah, why should she be here for free???

          Holy wow….this is all such a mess. When I realized what I had to do, I walked away from him dazed. I couldn’t believe what just finally hit me — that rock bottom moment is horrible, when it hits you right in the gut.

          It’s all such a laugh, really. He’s the all time champeen at buying friends. He’s been doing that forever; not just lady friends but guy friends. too.

          He’s the problem here; I have enough trouble of my own, other than having him down my back like some kind of albatross. The faster he is out of the picture the better off I will be.

          The hearing now is on the 29th.

          And not to mention what’s happened here is that I’ve had one hell of a codependency. My problem also is that I couldn’t say no to him; it took a wake up call in September for me to finally realize that this was a lost cause and he was dragging me down — and if I didn’t legally do something about him, the problem with him would get worse and worse, worse than it was right then.

          I should have said no to him in 2006 when he started this mess. GIve it 2 quarters and if he still refused to cough up, take this thing to court while the amount of money he is in arrears for is still quite small and very manageable. Do it then, because you’ll be able to recoup that relatively small amount of damages.

          1. An unsatisfactory thing about winning a small claims court case is that often the defendant has no assets you can attach, and you would still be stuck with your brother as a co-owner of the house. If the amount of the debt, to include interest and court fees, is at least half the value of the house, you can take full ownership of the house in exchange for the debt. Otherwise, the most likely outcome is a forced sale of the house.

            It’s hard to fight for yourself when you are beaten down in other areas of your life. Women are taught to either be nice or be a conniver, and there isn’t much overlap between the two groups. Hope that things will get better and that someone who hasn’t ever been responsible can trap you for quite a long time. If you’ve been coughing up the money, there is no reason for Bro to ante up.

            What do you think that the odds are that he won’t show up for the trial? I have to wonder where someone who is too broke to pay the property taxes gets the money for a lawyer. If it turns out that way, I hope that your lawyer is smart enough to request a default judgement in your favor, where the court awards what you asked for and whatever damages, and the immediate eviction of your brother and his girlfriend from the house. You don’t necessarily get everything that you seek in a default judgement, because the judge has some latitude in what is awarded.

  4. There is NOT a trial.

    This is the thing: we are going to have a 4 way meeting: him with his atty and me with my atty.

    And from there a settlement is supposed to be reached: a settlement for the damages he has wrung up.

    The case has been dismissed administratively.

    If we cannot come to an agreement, then a judge will have to be called in. The house would be ordered sold and money put into escrow and then bro and I would have to duke it out ourselves how much he has rung up in damages.

    Bro sure isn’t going to want that.

    He and I would both have to vacate the premises in that case, because a new owner would have the house. And at my age, I cannot afford to do it. I am nearly 57 years old.

    I have to stay here.

    That is where this is at.

    He called in sick to the first meeting. he cannot do this again: like the “stay of execution” back in the winter where he asked for 5 more weeks because he couldn’t raise the money for a retainer, he can only call in sick for the meeting once.

    What ruined this for me is how we were brought up.

    This is a bit off topic, but things could get very weird in this house. My mother likely as not needed some sort of help and never got it — and she had a funny way of getting under your skin, in the bargain. You’re left with a lot of guilt — maybe all of this is what screwed it up for me; it is more or less a “silent rule” that you don’t fight a sibling when the sibling is legally in the wrong.

    I do not know what kind of settlement is going to happen. I do know that I cannot decide in one meeting — unless by some stroke of a miracle he agrees that “yeah, this is the damages now take that amount and subtract it from half of what the house appraised from and I’ll take the buyout and go, no questions asked.”

    I detest Bro. Detest everything he is and how dare you call the police on me and how dare you lie about me!

    Enough is enogh. I want an expedient and successful conclusion for me for this entire mess. I am through with Bro.

    1. Giving false statements to a police officer is a criminal offense. It’s only misdemeanor level, a so-called “disorderly persons offense” under New Jersey law that carries a maximum penalty of six months in jail and a $1000 fine.

      Both you and Bro are in the same situation: nowhere to go once you have to vacate the house, whenever that is. No one likes to be held accountable for what they did wrong, so he will likely be angry. There’s no way that he earns enough from his job to pay for a decent apartment.

      If the house is ordered to be sold, which I think is the most likely outcome, then you could probably remain until just before settlement with the new owners, which is common when houses are sold. Even though the proceeds of the house would be in escrow, chances are that you could draw against the escrow to pay for a security deposit on an apartment. You would just get, say, $5000, less when the money is finally divided.

      It sounds as if you are in some sort of mediation. Doesn’t the judge have the ability to order a settlement of the amount of the debt out of the proceeds of the sale of the house? If he can order the house to be sold, it seems reasonable that he would also be able to order that Bro pays off the debt via the escrow. It would be a form of binding arbitration or mediation.

      I can understand the guilt and guilt-tripping. I was supposed to feel immediately remorseful if I heard my mother sigh, even if I hadn’t done anything wrong.

      1. I asked for that police report and my atty never got it. Maybe he was waiting for what was happening here to blow over or he thought I was just po’d and wanted to see the report.

        False statements, yeah — but wouldn’t I have to prove that none of those statements are true, before Bro could get changed with perjury and false statements? he could have said wow, anything. So I have to prove I’m not A, B or C?

        I am sick of it all. ANd I am sick over the fact that I didn’t boot him from my life, right after my mother died.

        I should have made sure that he and I never took ownership of this house. Buy him out then or sell this place and go.

        It still bleeps me I never ever got the key to the front door OR the key to his apartment. Both locks were changed.

        Suppose something happened upstairs and these 2 were oot available??? There was a time in January where the 2 of htem and the kid went on a trip — suppose I smelled smoke or something happened??? I can’t get in there?

        This whole situation is bad. Worse than I ever thought it could be.

        1. You can usually get a police report from the police department. It might cost you a couple of dollars for the actual report. The town where I live makes police reports available as a public record, though the outcome of the cases are not available on the report. There is probably a website for your local police department or city/town government. Find it and look under “Records” or “Reports”.

          I’d go in and talk to the police about the matter, or make a follow-up report of my own that he had made false statements to the police on such-and-such a date when the police came to the house. The problem is that you are in a “he said, she said” situation, and the police are often reluctant to get involved in those. However, if he has accused you of threatening him or Girlfriend in some way, then you might get the police to charge him and have the matter brought before a judge. He would again have to be arrested or ticketed, but it wouldn’t cost you anything in this case because it is a criminal, rather than civil, offense. I’d want to see the police report so as not to be surprised by its contents, because he might want to wave it at the meeting and make further accusations. You have a couple of weeks to obtain the report and any follow-ups that he might have filed. The police may have decided that whatever allegations that he made were a “non-criminal matter”, meaning that the level of proof that he offered was not sufficient to have you arrested or ticketed for something like “public disturbance” or other criminal charge. This would remove his ability to use the event to threaten you.

          Getting a key IMMEDIATELY to both doors should be a top topic for your meeting. I’d have been nagging them every time that I saw them until I got it. How dare she invade your house and change the locks! Bro is a wimp for putting up with it. Hope she’s a sexual sideshow for him, because it seems that having her move into the house was the final event that pushed you to get serious about resolving the debt issues with your brother. This “guest” is also interfering with your ability to quietly enjoy your home because you cannot come and go as you please.

          You’re not the person who is in the wrong here. Bro is a loser and user, and it’s time to make him pay up. It might cost you your house unless the amount of debt that he has run up is equal to or greater than half of the appraised value of the house. You’re stubborn enough to go through a winter without heat, so I’m surprised that you don’t have that key.

          1. I can’t believe how bad this is.

            ANd that his personal circus and sideshow has gotten involved in this mess has made this an even bigger mess.

            For the fact that he had one showdown with me — that was September 2 — he should never have had anybody move in with him. Even if this was a perfectly nice girl, why do you want to involve her in this? She is involved in your mess because she is living here!

            The September 2 showdown made me realize that I’d have to take legal action — this was a good 3 weeks before she got here.

            On September 2, I asked him to ante up and it turned into a big blowup, mostly with him acting like a real dick about it all. Taking $35 and throwing it on the floor and saying “if you want my money, go get it on the floor.” Who dies this, really, except some kind of creep.

            For the fact he is in dutch with me over money that he never anted up, he never should have had anybody move in, not even a bona fide roommate. It isn’t a good idea to have anybody living there with you.

            And I am also reluctant to get involved in personal affairs. I am reluctant to bring them up to anybody who is an attorney — this looks petty and this looks like I have a vendetta against her.

            Then again, why should she live here for free on his largesse, the guy who buys friends. But he can’t take that largesse and make sure he does the right thing as co owner of the house. Can’t you see this? *I* do not matter but somebody else does. Okay to pay for everything and anything but not okay to make sure you pay what’s due on this home.

            Every single entity — and this is going back to when my brother was a tween and teen — told my mother “He is a baby.” Even his teachers said it. A school principal said it. They even went as far as to write it in his yearbook. One kid 2 years younger told my mother bro needed the armed forces and he should join up.

            My mother never got it; when he started the lying problem in 5th grade she should have had it nipped in the bud: call child study and get a referral for a child psychologist or a social worker for kids. She coddled him every inch of the way and enabled him whenever he did something. I told her over and over “he needs toughlove. Throw his ass out of the house” — and I’d get “ohhhh but what if he gets into trouble if I do???” THAT IS THE POINT OF IT! He needs to sink like a stone and figure it out for himself. This is the only way you can break the pattern.

            He lies about everything and anything; he always did and always will. And when you confront him, he screams like a little kid. THis is a guy who is nearly 55. And I am glad he’s going to be out of my hair for good, no matter what happens. I detest him at this point.

  5. Don’t get distracted by Girlfriend. I don’t do well guessing people’s motives, but I’d prefer to have my own place and not be in a lot of drama. There are people who like drama, and Bro might have lined her up to make things awkward for you. You don’t know what she is or is not paying. Chances are that the money that he got from the stock sale is largely gone.

    If Bro doesn’t show at the next meeting, I would ask for the judge to be called to settle the matter NOW. No second, third, fourth, or whatever chances. Call in the judge if no progress is made at the meeting. He has had however many months to propose a solution or start paying up. It is entirely in his interest to delay dealing with you or the judge because that postpones the day of reckoning. He bought himself 4 weeks with pleading imaginary illness, and the facts of the case are not going to change between now and the 29th. Most places collect property tax twice a year, so chances are that there will be another payment due pretty soon, if not already, and you are now in a past due property tax situation.

    I believe that the best predictor of what someone will do is what they did in the past. Bro will try to wriggle out of having to settle up, and he will make it as awkward and uncomfortable for you as he can manage. You have to remember that you are right and he is wrong, and has been for many years. There is no reason why he should be able to attach himself to you like a leech, or why you should tolerate it. You might want to get a restraining order against Bro at the end of this.

  6. He is frozen on the stock distribution, until this mess is over. or so I have been told.

    He is required to be at the next meeting. he can’t call and say he is ill or use any other reason to reschedule. It’s not permitted.

    Perhaps no judge will be on a bench in a hearing but I am still certain a judge has to more or less monitor this case. I can’t see how that wouldn’t be possible.

    “Call in the judge if no progress is made at the meeting. He has had however many months to propose a solution or start paying up.”

    THis is it exactly: he hasn’t even said “Okay, here is what I will do for the rest of what I am in arrears for….” See what a mess this is?

    This is 10 and a half months since the “unofficial” start and he hasn’t made good.

    “t is entirely in his interest to delay dealing with you or the judge because that postpones the day of reckoning. He bought himself 4 weeks with pleading imaginary illness”

    He bought an additional 5 weeks because he said he couldn’t find the money to pay a retainer — yet he went on a 4 day vacation with them.

    Quarterly is how the town works for taxes.

    “I believe that the best predictor of what someone will do is what they did in the past. Bro will try to wriggle out of having to settle up, and he will make it as awkward and uncomfortable for you as he can manage. You have to remember that you are right and he is wrong, and has been for many years. There is no reason why he should be able to attach himself to you like a leech, or why you should tolerate it. You might want to get a restraining order against Bro at the end of this.”

    This is what I am saying: he is not going to go quietly. And on top of this, I have my own mess. How did everything get so horrible so fast?

  7. I don’t expect him to go quietly. It will take the force of law to remove him. I used to live in an apartment complex where there were four apartments per floor. Every month, at least one of my neighbors had a “late rent” or eviction notice on their door. One month, ALL of my neighbors had those notices on the door. You’re going to have a similar situation. It will take a court order and the sheriff to remove him. The bright side is that if he is ordered to vacate by a certain date and fails to do so, there is also the possibility for prosecution for contempt of court, which often carries jail time. In my town, the most reliable reason for getting jail time on a misdemeanor or lower-level offense is conviction for contempt of court that arose out of the original charge.

    What makes it harder to deal with your brother is that he is a co-owner and that you are jointly and separably liable for all expenses. Both of you have to fail to pay expenses for the law to take action, such as selling a tax lien to an outside party, or you have to sue him for recovery, which is much of what the partition action does.

    That the case was dismissed administratively seemed odd to me. It might have been policy to force you to some sort of mediation prior to involving the judge. If the money due from the stock sale would make you whole, there is nothing to stop the judge from ordering that you be paid out of the proceeds of the sale, and you are still stuck with Bro. If payment is not made by a date that the judge specifies, you’re back to contempt of court, which could send Bro to jail without relieving his debt to you.

  8. This is just it: even if he handed up the money from the stock sale, that money given to me does not guarantee he is cured of the problem that began this mess in the first place.

    He will pull the same nonsense again — refuse to pay — and I am still at square one.

    That check will not make him turn into a responsible grown up that doesn’t lie. So the check would essentially have been a very temporary fix.

    1. You need to have the partition, and even if it costs you your home it is the better outcome because you will no longer be responsible for your brother’s bills as well as your own. The alternative is that you will be trying to have him served and sued in small claims court every three months or so, whenever he fails to pay property taxes or some other bill.

      The argument that needs to be made is that even if he paid you in full today, you still want to be done with him because you believe that just getting back your money will not cure the situation. He will just go back to refusing to pay even if he is forced to make you whole to the current time. You have enough documents to demonstrate a well-established pattern of irresponsibility that has persisted for years. You could also argue that having to pay his share of the bills prevented you from doing maintenance that was needed on the house and garage, so the house is worth less than it otherwise would be, opening the door to potential damages as well as reimbursement for the debt.

      I use the word “cure” deliberately, because one of the things that we do where I work is send subcontractors so-called “cure letters”, which inform them that they have so long to get back on schedule to cure their nonperformance, often only a few days, or they will be terminated for cause and damages sought for their failure to perform. Though there is no contract between you and your brother, you do retain certain property rights and other rights under the law.. The problem is getting them enforced.

  9. The only cure is infusing character into him and having him grow up in a flash.

    That is not going to happen.

    What a mess.

    As I mentioned, she has to be in on the game. How else is he able to afford to pay for back taxes and the homeowners insurance?

    How do I demand clarity on all of this? Suppose he insists he paid for all of this out of his own pocket and wont’ admit she is partially in on the game money wise?

    1. You know about what he makes, and you can figure out his probable tax bill, to include Social Security deductions. Suppose that his combined federal, state and FICA taxes are 20% of what he earns. You know how much property taxes and homeowner’s insurance are. Allow him $50-100 a week for food. You have an idea of how much you are paying for utilities. Add $100-125 a month for cable, and another $100 for a phone if he has one. Deduct all of these things from 80% of his best-case income, and if the number is negative, he has to be borrowing the money from somewhere.

      This gives you a starting point to argue that he cannot possibly be paying all of the expenses out of current income. The numbers that I propose for various costs might not be right for your area, but the process is the same, so adjust them accordingly. He may well claim that he is paying the money himself, but you can prove with a little math that it isn’t possible. If he argues that he is taking cash advances from a credit card, that is a further argument that he can’t afford to pay his share of the household expenses Any credit that he has probably charges at least 20% interest annually.

  10. I asked atty about all of that with the GF and perhaps she might be helping him with tax money.

    He more or less said that’s between them. That is what I thought and I do not think I would get rent “from her” — it’ll probably turn out that this is mor or less a committed relationship, etc so she does not pay rent.

    Nothing I can do about that.

    I want him out of here and gone and I want the damages that are due me — sure — he isn’t going to go quietly on this one. You think he’ll only settle for partial buyout based on the damages? Very doubtful — he’s going to demand the entire buyout MINUS any damages.

    What can I do?

    If I let this go, not only would this have a bad outcome for me, I’d be a wuss and patsy forever and he gets a victory from that.

    I had no choice but to do what I did. I don’t care how he feels about that; every woman for herself.

    1. I’d expect him to want to be paid for anything that he has to leave behind, like a partial tank of heating oil and maybe even the cost of changing the locks. I’d argue that he shouldn’t be compensated for the lock change because it was done for his convenience, and you will have to change the locks after he moves out. He might even want extra money to help him move out.

      I’ve made the same argument from the beginning: if the amount of the debt plus any interest is greater than half of the value of the house, you can be awarded the house to satisfy the debt. If not, you would have to come up with money to get him to leave. He is entitled to be made whole for any residual interest that he has in the house after the debt is settled.

  11. Update:

    I went and got my “statement of accounts” from the tax collector and the homeowners insurance and I can’t have that police report until a prosecutor signs off on it. They only reports they give without any kind of fanfare are traffic accident reports.

    Bro has not obtained a copy of the report, according to the woman who processed my request.

    Really pretty bad and everything here really is pretty bad. The job market is shot there’s this battle with him — what a mess.

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