This has to be the most horrid summer I’ve ever had.
I have a lot on my plate and none of it is good.
The first issue:
Financially, everything sucks. That’s it in a nutshell. I am running scared and the situation is critical; I am scared shitless.
The second issue: there is a cousin of ours who is handing a legal issue. This is for an incident that took place some time ago.
The cousin who is handling it cannot be reached. I am tearing my hair out trying to reach him and the atty that is handling this issue: No dice, no success and I cannot figure out how to get this thing going.
Long story and very bad news.
I have given up on finding a job. I am a spiritual person but you gotta wonder why things are the way they are — why would he want me to be in the spot where I am NOW???? I am my own sole means of support; I do not have anybody who can send me money or take me in. I’m 55 and I feel like my life is over. Everybody else in my age category has husbands, homes, even grandkids. I ain’t got SHIT. What do I have? a bunch of wedding fotos to show I was a “member of the club” for a very brief while? Big comfort.
I feel like I have been forgotten about. I feel like this is some kind of weird apocalyptic thing where I’m “not here” and nobody can see me or notice me.
My brother is nuts. He’s in debt up to his ass and he spent away a good piece of change that an uncle left him some dozen and a half years ago. Christ only knows what he spent it on but it’s gone — he and I own a home and if he still had that piece of change, he could pay the taxes on it for a good long while: we are screwed in this department.
He works retail. No college degree and he is NUTS. Another long sad story. I am holding the damn bag again.
I am a spiritual person but like the song says: Does anyone know where the love of God goes. I cannot see how he would want me to go through this — no job and for now, wow, who knows what future.
I do not want to hear “this is his will” or “this is a test.” Fact of the matter: it is what it is and I cannot change it. The only thing I can do is control what I can control and make the best possible life for myself.
And maybe I am wrong but I cannot seem to get past what happened at that company I worked for. I lost my job through no fault of my own — I told you guys what happened on that other board — and when it happened, I was still working there. I tried for a year to get out and I had no success.
And I knew that once she did what she did, my days were numbered. Why do you think I fought my ass off to find a job and get OUT?
I struggle with a chronic illness. I am not happy with my appearance, either. I feel like all I got over the last 5 years was old and forgotten about. And I still think that thanks to the mess of a workplace I was in and thanks to all the harassment, I developed the disease I have.
If I didn’t have it, I’d never be paying health insurance at all: TOO EXPENSIVE and I can skip it.
How sad it all is.
I don’t know what to do.
I cannot use the town food bank. You have to be a member of a program. they will not let you in to take what you want.
I have no resources I can apply for.
And now I have to fight the devil to get ahold of somebody who needed to get his ass in gear months ago. What is this all about???