Cruel Summer and more.:(

This has to be the most horrid summer I’ve ever had.

I have a lot on my plate and none of it is good.

The first issue:

Financially, everything sucks. That’s it in a nutshell. I am running scared and the situation is critical; I am scared shitless.

The second issue: there is a cousin of ours who is handing a legal issue. This is for an incident that took place some time ago.

The cousin who is handling it cannot be reached. I am tearing my hair out trying to reach him and the atty that is handling this issue: No dice, no success and I cannot figure out how to get this thing going.

Long story and very bad news.

I have given up on finding a job. I am a spiritual person but you gotta wonder why things are the way they are — why would he want me to be in the spot where I am NOW???? I am my own sole means of support; I do not have anybody who can send me money or take me in. I’m 55 and I feel like my life is over. Everybody else in my age category has husbands, homes, even grandkids. I ain’t got SHIT. What do I have? a bunch of wedding fotos to show I was a “member of the club” for a very brief while? Big comfort.

I feel like I have been forgotten about. I feel like this is some kind of weird apocalyptic thing where I’m “not here” and nobody can see me or notice me.

My brother is nuts. He’s in debt up to his ass and he spent away a good piece of change that an uncle left him some dozen and a half years ago. Christ only knows what he spent it on but it’s gone — he and I own a home and if he still had that piece of change, he could pay the taxes on it for a good long while: we are screwed in this department.

He works retail. No college degree and he is NUTS. Another long sad story. I am holding the damn bag again.

I am a spiritual person but like the song says: Does anyone know where the love of God goes. I cannot see how he would want me to go through this — no job and for now, wow, who knows what future.

I do not want to hear “this is his will” or “this is a test.” Fact of the matter: it is what it is and I cannot change it. The only thing I can do is control what I can control and make the best possible life for myself.

And maybe I am wrong but I cannot seem to get past what happened at that company I worked for. I lost my job through no fault of my own — I told you guys what happened on that other board — and when it happened, I was still working there. I tried for a year to get out and I had no success.

And I knew that once she did what she did, my days were numbered. Why do you think I fought my ass off to find a job and get OUT?

I struggle with a chronic illness. I am not happy with my appearance, either. I feel like all I got over the last 5 years was old and forgotten about. And I still think that thanks to the mess of a workplace I was in and thanks to all the harassment, I developed the disease I have.

If I didn’t have it, I’d never be paying health insurance at all: TOO EXPENSIVE and I can skip it.

How sad it all is.

I don’t know what to do.

I cannot use the town food bank. You have to be a member of a program. they will not let you in to take what you want.

I have no resources I can apply for.

And now I have to fight the devil to get ahold of somebody who needed to get his ass in gear months ago. What is this all about???

6 thoughts on “Cruel Summer and more.:(”

  1. How come you can’t get into the food bank? Too bad you don’t live near me because we run a food pantry in town and I know the people running it and they would help you. I know your feeling, though I do have my parents helping me (a fact I’m not happy about either). I have been arguing with them lately the whole “you don’t want to work” thing and I tell them THERE ARE NO JOBS. I mean, when the grocery store that hires everyone rejects me that is bad. I know why I was rejected (they also don’t hire overqualified)but still sucks. I am religious but have been asking God why have been bad things happening to many of us who are good people.

    The ironic thing is many years ago (from pressure from my parents)I quit pursuing the modeling/acting/singing/radio jobs that I was qualified for and actually got work in. The reason was because they wanted me to have a 9 to 5 “stable” job with insurance and whatnot. I often wonder if I had continued to pursue these jobs (and I made the most money in modeling)what could have happened. I know several people who hot local television shows and asked one if I made the right decision to leave these jobs and he said “no”. Sure there is a possibility I would be in worse shape financially but on the other hand these were things I was talented and could have bounced into greater things. Instead I ended up in white collar office jobs that eventually laid me off and many are disappearing.

    1. You cannot use the food bank unless you are in a program. That’s their rule.

      Maybe they don’t want the “unqualified” taking food for those in need.

      And they are also funny about what food they accept — you cannot go directly to the bank with it; you have to make an appointment with social services at a locale a mile up the road and from there they will take what you have.

      1. Is it a situation like Illinois where only certain people qualify for assistance? That’s what stinks about Illinois, you can be illegal and ger welfare but a childless person? you’re lucky to qualify for $20 month.

        1. Every other food bank is open to anybody who walks in.

          Not our town.

          Unless there was an incident that more or less precipitated there there is now a requirement that the food bank drop in be a registered participant in a program only.

          1. That’s not fair at all. I wish I could say I was surprised but am not. It’s why we see those who need help be denied while those who take advantage keep getting more.

          2. It’s something that should be brought up at a town council meeting. Maybe they will change the rule.

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