Bridal and Baby Showers and why they suck

This is June which means weddings, which often means bridal showers. Then there are baby showers, which happen all year round but seem more often to happen in the summer. Let me tell you the traditional women only ones are the worst things imaginable. There are many things I would prefer to do over these, such as a root canal with no novacaine, run naked through the street or let’s be honest I would do pretty much anything short of murder instead of going to one of these (though if forced to attend murder might come into play).

Showers were started or at least became well known in the 1950s. They were started really to give presents for the woman to fulfill her job as a wife and mother fulltime. While women started getting equality showers at this point were still women only. Even now, while more and more women have coed showers, way too many are still women only. For those who aren’t familiar with these traditional ones the formula is this: women of all ages get together to play insane immature juvenile games like sniff a diaper to see what candy is in the diaper¬†or create a wedding gown out of toilet paper. The games are so demeaning that I would rather play duck, duck goose or hide and seek or any game I played as a child. Then the unwrapping of the gifts and the oohing and aahing “hey there’s a pan so the bride can make the groom his favorite dish” or whatever the gift is, or asking everyone to bring their favorite dish so the bride can make it for the groom, because don’t you know the bride is doing all the cooking. I wonder if my famous mudpie cake (meaning mud I find outside when it rains)would be acceptable.

I shudder just thinking of the ones I was forced to attend because they were close family or friends, like my sister in law’s because my brother told me “women like that thing, men don’t”.¬† I only attended that one because I was a bridesmaid and I spent all the time with her sister who I knew since high school and like me is a single woman (and like me was only there being a bridesmaid). Well, I despise these things. In between all this fun of playing these games or unwrapping the gifts come the conversations about kids, or diapers, pots and pans and things that bore me. I was once asked at one of these things if I planned to get married and I told them “not until I slept with 20 men” which led to some shocked expressions. Or the time a woman asked me if I planned to have kids because my clock was running out (keep in mind I was 25 or so)and I replied that maybe I’d ask her husband if he was interested. Needless to say I rarely attend showers unless forced.

The only ones that never bothered me were either the ones that were coed (usually barbeque)because the games were usually not involved or it was optional (and women only you pretty much have to participate), or one I attended that was a bride and her friends and we sat around and ate and talked (and not about women things, just general). This situation was interesting because she married a clown (no really)from Ringling at a show and came home to see everyone. Otherwise I avoid them, and yes I did avoid my sister in law’s baby shower along with my cousin’s baby shower (I sent them both gifts).

Oddly this issue is one of the reasons I generally don’t date divorced men. Sounds weird but if I meet a guy and he or worse his bride had a bridal shower it would bother me. It would tell me he was somewhat traditional and things wouldn’t last. Yes, I would walk out of these showers if one was sprung on me too.

5 thoughts on “Bridal and Baby Showers and why they suck”

  1. I hate dresses, and I hate dresses that I can wear only on ONE day even more. I’ve always said that if I ever get married, it will be in Las Vegas on Halloween night, with Elvis impersonators as my bridesmaids. Then we can go to a restaurant and order from the menu.

    When silver was cheaper, I used to give people an American Eagle silver dollar of the year of the baby’s birth. They liked it and it was fairly cheap, somewhere around $20 for an uncirculated coin. Now menopause is my friend in that regard. I DO NOT give grandchild gifts unless I know the family well. I gave a proof version of the silver eagle as a wedding gift, and as it turned out, it was one of the most valuable dates of the series.

    However, my pet peeve is the so-called “Destination Wedding”. Having to pay for a plane ticket and a few days in a hotel on top of the wedding and shower gifts is a bridge too far.

    I hate the office begging bowls as well, but figure that the $100-150 a year that it costs me is the cost of doing business.

    Now, this is how I expect more weddings to end. The title is “The Fatal Wedding”. Supposedly, the jilted lover of the bride killed everyone.

    The groom stood there waiting for his bride
    The best man shiverin’ by his side
    On him the smell of stale sheep dip
    And a flask of brandy on his hip

    He knew he’d trod that last long mile
    As his dear walked slowly down the aisle
    This was the day he was waiting for
    When he’d get in for his cut and more

    Of her old man’s station and his gold
    As soon as wedding bells had tolled
    The fortune sure had smiled his way
    This was indeed his lucky day

    But the bride, she died at the alter
    The bridegroom died next day
    The parson dropped dead in the churchyard
    As he was about to pray

    The hearse capsized at the crossroads
    It couldn’t make the turn
    And the people stood and cheered like mad
    As they watched the old church burn

    And then the heavens broke open
    And the rain it started to fall
    And the whole flamin’ town got washed away
    And there was no one le-eft at all…

  2. I haven’t done any destination weddings but do know a few who did. Most of those who married far away didn’t invite anyone except maybe immediate family so I was happy about that. Not that I would go anyway. I personally think work bridal and baby showers are awful and it’s not because of the games (which are rarely played)but rather the almost forced participation. In the case of the bridal showers it was rarely anyone I was close enough to be invited to the wedding and etiquette clearly states only invited wedding guests are to be at showers. The idea of spending money on someone I normally wouldn’t bothers me. I would feel the same even if I was the one marrying because I would almost feel obligated inviting that person to my wedding. I hope my next job is a small department where I am close to everyone and would be invited to my wedding anyway.

  3. My day is over witht hat stuff.

    The last baby shower I went to was a coed one. We drove 3 and a half hours for this thing…the mommy to be was a pretentious little tramp who was expecting the baby of her still-married boyfriend.

    Later on the same tramp had the gall to accept the guy’s engagement ring, WHILE he was still married! I sure spoke up about that to my then spouse… he got kind of pissed off.

    you do NOT accept an engagement ring from a MARRIED MAN! Doesn’t she get even THAT much?

  4. Wow that one sounds like a nightmare. I remember reading recently in Dear Abby about this woman who was going to a baby shower for this woman who was young, unmarried and her much older boyfriend was still married. Oh and the baby and her were going to be on assistance. I mean what do you say to something like this? Obviously they shouldn’t be having sex with married guys and getting pregnant. My thought is if they cheat on their wife they will cheat on you.

    I don’t know if this it outdated but my mom believes only women who are married should be having them but I disagree. I do find it tacky though if it’s an unplanned one where tax payers are going to pay. I got invited to one like that myself where she was pregnant by a guy who already had 4 out of wedlock babies by 4 different women.

    I do know if I get married or have a baby I will be doing the coed thing.

  5. Oh and she flaunted the ring, too. That fella’s mother (who was a cousin of my huband’s) did not pull “Clyde” aside and say, “Clyde, do the right thing: you do NOT give ‘Bonnie’ a ring until you and your wife are divorced.” Ditto Bonnie’s mother…you tell your daugher this is not the time or the place for an engagement ring. And to RETURN the ring until his divorce is legally over.

    If he was legally separated, he can date away. I understand that that’s how lots of separated people do it — and wow, your marriage is on the rocks! the last thing you should even be thinking is about getting married. I would figure getting married would be the last thing Clyde had on his mind, or at least NOT do for many many more moons!

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