Bridal and Baby Showers and why they suck

This is June which means weddings, which often means bridal showers. Then there are baby showers, which happen all year round but seem more often to happen in the summer. Let me tell you the traditional women only ones are the worst things imaginable. There are many things I would prefer to do over these, such as a root canal with no novacaine, run naked through the street or let’s be honest I would do pretty much anything short of murder instead of going to one of these (though if forced to attend murder might come into play).

Showers were started or at least became well known in the 1950s. They were started really to give presents for the woman to fulfill her job as a wife and mother fulltime. While women started getting equality showers at this point were still women only. Even now, while more and more women have coed showers, way too many are still women only. For those who aren’t familiar with these traditional ones the formula is this: women of all ages get together to play insane immature juvenile games like sniff a diaper to see what candy is in the diaper¬†or create a wedding gown out of toilet paper. The games are so demeaning that I would rather play duck, duck goose or hide and seek or any game I played as a child. Then the unwrapping of the gifts and the oohing and aahing “hey there’s a pan so the bride can make the groom his favorite dish” or whatever the gift is, or asking everyone to bring their favorite dish so the bride can make it for the groom, because don’t you know the bride is doing all the cooking. I wonder if my famous mudpie cake (meaning mud I find outside when it rains)would be acceptable.

I shudder just thinking of the ones I was forced to attend because they were close family or friends, like my sister in law’s because my brother told me “women like that thing, men don’t”.¬† I only attended that one because I was a bridesmaid and I spent all the time with her sister who I knew since high school and like me is a single woman (and like me was only there being a bridesmaid). Well, I despise these things. In between all this fun of playing these games or unwrapping the gifts come the conversations about kids, or diapers, pots and pans and things that bore me. I was once asked at one of these things if I planned to get married and I told them “not until I slept with 20 men” which led to some shocked expressions. Or the time a woman asked me if I planned to have kids because my clock was running out (keep in mind I was 25 or so)and I replied that maybe I’d ask her husband if he was interested. Needless to say I rarely attend showers unless forced.

The only ones that never bothered me were either the ones that were coed (usually barbeque)because the games were usually not involved or it was optional (and women only you pretty much have to participate), or one I attended that was a bride and her friends and we sat around and ate and talked (and not about women things, just general). This situation was interesting because she married a clown (no really)from Ringling at a show and came home to see everyone. Otherwise I avoid them, and yes I did avoid my sister in law’s baby shower along with my cousin’s baby shower (I sent them both gifts).

Oddly this issue is one of the reasons I generally don’t date divorced men. Sounds weird but if I meet a guy and he or worse his bride had a bridal shower it would bother me. It would tell me he was somewhat traditional and things wouldn’t last. Yes, I would walk out of these showers if one was sprung on me too.