Just when I thought nothing was worse than job hunting I was proven wrong by online dating. Like job hunting, I thought I would have an advantage because I have a lot to offer, namely I am attractive and not as much baggage as most my age. My only baggage is I am unemployed (which bothers me) but I figure if we dated we could go cheap, or hopefully eventually I will find a job or work for myself. I do not tell men online my job situation because I don’t want them to think I am looking for a man to support me. However my job situation is the least of my problems.
Years ago I did the phone dating, which is a forerunner to online. This was late 80s-early 90s. During this time I was generally in college but for some reason couldn’t find boyfriends there. I think I was looking for older men so this is why I tried these sites. However most of the guys lied about their looks, income etc. I met a guy who claimed to be a millionaire and obese men who claimed to be in shape. Phone dating was for the most part trash though I did find two boyfriends from it.
Years later when online dating started I did it because at the time it was free for women. I created a profile at Match and actually met a couple of good guys. However I didn’t feel a click so I never pursued it further. During this time I became work obsessed and while I dated guys I met, no one really struck my fancy offline. So I decided to try Match again and once again met some great guys, but most of the guys would send me messages like “you’re hot”. That is a turn off. Other guys would either be too old or dads and neither idea appealed to me. One guy turned out to be married and this was a let down. I had a membership for 2 years, didn’t find a soulmate (or even a guy who was a boyfriend)so I cancelled it. I found a lot of men more into casual sex than relationships. This was when I still had a job. In the meantime I reconnected with a former friend who I always thought was the one but he ended up breaking my heart. I will always have scars by the way he broke my heart and now I am more careful about getting too serious too soon.
Flash forward to now. Last Christmas my mom gave me a membership to a religious dating site. Her idea was even though I am unemployed now if nothing else I could find a good guy. I also created profiles on free dating sites. While I am finding lots of men fitting what I require (namely no kids, not obese, and preferably never married)many of them don’t like me. The reason? according to them I am “too old”. Apparently they want kids and want younger to assure this. However there is never a guarantee they can have kids, that a younger woman can or that I can’t. I am not in menopause, not even periomenopause and this was backed by my doctor. My family has a history of late menopause and late pregnancy. Even so, I shouldn’t be judged by this, because older men run a risk of defects too! Besides there is adoption, and other options. If they blame me for waiting, then they have to blame themselves too. To be honest I don’t think all of these men are looking for babies, they just want younger. The men responding on these sites are much older, including my dad’s age, and undesirable to me. On the free sites I am finding men mostly wanting sex, though have met a few who didn’t click with me. In general the men I’ve met or talked to were extremely delusional what they could get. I would get all these 60 year old men who wanted to date me or these obese men stating “no fatties”.
I should mention offline I never have trouble finding men, including younger, hotter, men. I look much younger and men have fallen over me. I’ve had random men come up to me to talk. In my 20s I was a model and would literally turn heads when I walked in a room. I remember years ago walking into a record store with a guyfriend and men turning around and whistling. Yes I was that hot. I still look pretty much the same, though a bit heavier. Not that I am especially large now, but back then I was in excellent shape, usually a size 6-8.
There is a guy near me who seems like he would be a good potential but if he’s not then I am throwing the towel in regards to online dating and stick to offline. People online are just too weird for me.