Preparing for the inevitable

This one is “personal.”

And this one is about putting myself first and putting nobody else first.

I am already working on disassociating myself from Bro.

The inevitable is coming; this house is going to be sold and I am already working on “moving somewhere else.”

It isn’t going to be easy. I still have friends in this area and I am active in quite a few groups here. I was also starting to get relatively well known in the art circles, also.

Had my mother done something about Bro when he was in 5th grade — he began lying constantly about everything, plus he was a problem in school, goofing off and refusing to do the work — I am convinced I would not be having this problem with him. He needed a professional’s care: lying is a sickness and an illness and if not either one, a sign of immaturity and insecurity.

But she didn’t get the problem fixed.

And here I am now.

The guilt here for me is terrible. This house needed to be sold when it came into the picture. But I didn’t do it. How do you think I feel about this? I feel like I am to blame.

He also has a spending problem. All of this is insecurity and possibly a mental illness issue: normal people don’t spend away piles of money on some crazy thing that’s possibly illicit ro even illegal  (and I can only guess where that money went but I ain’t going to play that kind of game anymore) Normal people don’t lie constantly and normal people don’t act irrationally or let others lead them around by the nose.

The guilt for me is awful and the fall out is terrible.

I am all alone; I am divorced and non ensconced with anyone; I have a couple of good friends but that’s all. There are no relatives in the immediate area; I have a cousin that lives half a state away and another cousin and his wife that I communicate with regularly; they are across the country on the other coast.

I know this house is going to be sold. That’s the best route for me — I don’t have the financial means to maintain it and that alone bothers me and bothers me a lot. Once upon a time I actually HAD a job; not the greatest one but I HAD A JOB. You don’t think that doesn’t bother me in itself?

I am also getting older and I am alone: the upkeep would be too much for me.

I don’t think I could find a counselor who can understand where any of this is at. This is a unique problem that I’ve got.

This is also embarrassing for me — would you like your neighbors to see the cops in front of your house and see you, your damn sibling and the cops in front of your home?

Who the eff needs ANY  of this?

I have not had much happiness. That is a whole other story in itself.

I expected to be remarried by now: didn’t happen. it would help if I was; I’d have at least had a husband on my side in this horrible mess that’s going down. No legal issue is easy to take care of; even if the defendant is a total and complete tool, it still sucks! you bet you are going to feel guilty: breaking up is hard to do.

And there is also my health and happiness that needs to be strongly considered.  Life sucks now minus a job and having this little nutter causing more problems for me will make things worse. For the sake of my health and happiness and sanity, sell this house and dissociatate yourself from him asap.

Go somewhere where it’s going to be “The Dude Where’s My Job? Show”, not “The X Files.”

As it stands now: this lawsuit is going to be going on for a good chunk of time. It takes awhile to sell a house and you know the market stinks now as it is. And this issue with me realizing I can no longer own this home with him is now a year old.

I don’t even give a damn about this house anymore: what am I holding onto? Old memories? that’s bullshit. Go elsewhere, get a little house all on one level with maybe 2 bedrooms and a little yard and patio and where there’s a nice room I can convert into a nice art studio. Find a town with an art scene in it and buy the home there.

A house ain’t nothing bot boards and a roof. There are other houses…and best of all, this jerkoff won’t be IN IT with ME!

And kick Bro and his trash to the curb. He can keep his doxies and his bullshit and his lies and his lack of respect. He won’t have ME to bleep around anymore.

And if these 2 chicks decide to take a powder (they usually DO wind up leaving on him; there was this chick he dated for over 6 years who got out first; smart GIRL and that too is quite the little story) he will be left high and dry. Tough SHIT.

It’s rotten, it’s a lot of guilt and it’s loneliness and breaking up never is easy to do.  I figure at best when all of this is settled and I am gone to another state to live,  Bro will have that pile of money from the house sale proceeds and spend that away, too. And probably before the next World Series of that year takes place, too. Or maybe his little cuties will have a hand in it. That would be poetic justice, I think. “Gee buy us this and buy us that.” Too bad.

Putting myself first and nobody else: time for ME and time for MY life to come first. No more enabling, no more codependencies and no more battles and other garbage.

I am a head case myself for not nipping this in the bud when it began: when this dopey house came into the picture. Sell the place and go; who needs him? You know his history and you know he can’t be trusted. You’ve seen what he’s done in the past. You know how he’s acted.

And here is where the guilt comes in and where the denial comes in. The death of some relative and the acquisition of a home isn’t going to make somebody grow up when it’s pretty clear that he’s shown no signs of doing so. What makes you think he’ll be a total and complete adult right there and then? The apple never falls far from the tree.

“Better late than never”?

Not in this case. I should have taken care of his sorry ass when I had time and money and a job on my side.

Not going to be easy and “move away” starting now, to make the transition easier. I come first, not anybody else.

 

 

5 thoughts on “Preparing for the inevitable”

  1. There is a sort of penalty for diligence and competence. If you know that someone isn’t going to deliver on their promises or is unreliable in some other way, you will stop asking them for very much, if anything. Conversely, the reliable person gets a heavy workload or lots of requests for help, all the while having what they do undervalued because it is easy to obtain. We see this in all sorts of relationships.

    Complicating this idea is the fact that it is often easier to do something yourself than to get someone to help you or cooperate in some other way. This has the unfortunate side effect of training the less responsible person that it is all right for them to continue to be irresponsible.

  2. Things were never right here with him. My big mistake was thinking somehow he changed.

    He was fine with paying for everything until his source of money was gone.

    This is a lot for me. It’s like everything has hit the fan — yes, I am still looking for a job and this morning, I’m going to go to the last company I interviewed with and ask why I never got their second interview.

    “You’re qualified” is what I was told — and she can see I wasn’t making up qualifications to fit her job; I had 3 pages of notes that contained everything I did at former jobs that was related to the job that was up for grabs.

    I am guessing that this was a job that paid $15 an hour and there was no way I was hirable because the salary I requested was a great deal higher than what they could pay me. That is still my impression.

    As I said, even if you said “I will work for what you are offering” it still will not get you the job. These bastards do what they want and do it whenever they want. How can you win if this is how they are now doing things?

    NOTHING like it used to be: interviews were conducted with decorum. Not anymore. You can’t even blame this on a young interviewer’s age — the older interviewers are doing this. What happened here? Where did all the rules go?

  3. How rotten it all is. It’s a lot to take.

    What happens if I do get a job in the middle of this mess? Now I have to try and find somewhere to live that’s affordable and within commuting distance of the job?

    I will have to refile and serve him again, so that this time a judge can have a look at the damages and determine what the damages are. This is a pretty good chunk of money.

    I should have stopped this when it began and ended it right there. I’d have saved myself a world of trouble.

    1. Betrayal in all of its forms is hard to take, but harder to take from someone who is supposed to be on your side like a family member.

      I don’t know how far away from where you currently live that you are seeking jobs, but suppose that you are looking within a thirty-mile radius. Look at what you are paying in property taxes and utilities over the course of a year. That is more or less what you can afford to pay in rent should you need to find another place. The hard part might be coming up with deposits for rent and utilities.

      Because you have to serve your brother again, the need to find another place won’t happen fast unless Bro manages to convince Girlfriend to buy you out, and comes to court or the lawyer’s office with a cashier’s check in hand for the agreed amount. Even in that case, there would be time allowed for you to vacate. You might be looking at a total of three months between time to serve your brother and time to get on the court calendar. Usually the court date is assigned far enough ahead of time to give the sheriff a chance to serve the subpoena in time for the court date.

      Once the house is ordered sold, there is the time to sell the house and go to settlement, which might be another several months.

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